I'm sure if there was an award for most blocks for butthole skeets...I'd be at the top

biblically accurate spicy chicken sandwich

*O Fortuna begins to play*

It's no longer about Dungeons and Dragons. It's time for Burritos and Buttholes

I’m at the multinational corporation, I’m at the private equity firm. I’m at the combination multinational corporation private equity firm!

what if it happens today?

I suddenly feel a need to eat a bunch of Cheetos today. Weird.

Thank goodness I have a serious name and don't act like a tool.

circadian bacon

People need to learn what 100 % means

Fun fact: I started this account as a sourdough baking account. Yes it may have devolved into an account where I talk about burritos and buttholes. Do with that what you will

Writing this so you all will keep me accountable. This burrito will jump back into being a #breadslut and make whole wheat rosemary sandwich bread this weekend.

Dude I am shook. I just saw a video and it turns out Cheetos are made from ingredients

So much vocal fry in this sales meeting my eardrums could be sold as a carnival treat.

bluesky

Best villain in cinema

🎶 But I would eat five hundred burritos And I would eat five hundred more Just to be the burrito who ate a thousand burritos and collapsed on a floor🎶

*while making out. “Excuse me, I just need to use the washroom. I’ll be right back.” *closes door and pulls a pamphlet out of my pocket entitled, “how the vanjiner works”

And a Flaming Hot Cheeto drink for the lady?

My friend’s dad loves hummingbirds and proudly refers to them as “hummers”. I may have made a tactical error when I sent this photo and asked her to tell him I’m the Queen of Hummers.

Lying in bed thinking "don't let the bastards get you up"

Sorry I wore cargo jorts and knee-high socks when you're ovulating

Tell me you don't understand how cooking works...without telling me you don't understand how cooking works.

wow i thought all those Flaming Hot Cheetos i saw growing on trees were healthy for me!

Mexican dogs be like: XOLO

Tummy horts

The hilarity of writing a skeet about cilantro and about clean buttholes and people not liking the taste of soap.

ME: What was the car your Dad was driving before we met? GIRLFRIEND: Prius? ME: Yes Sharon, that's what before we met means.

it is the golden age of showers

Anthropic: we can't call it God, it's too obvious, what rhymes with God

Explain your @ I'm a sentient burrito...who maintains Zen by eating burritos.

Adding “No BMs” to my bio

Fuck nudes, tell me your cilantro preference

*opens Amazon app

We have to win the war on dirty ass.

"Please select all squares with clean anus to continue"

FYI

Describe your last bowel movement with an album title

This is how I pop up on your TL to heart all your cool shit

🎶20, 20, 24 teams meetings to go I wanna be sedated🎶

Hey. This is a mental health check in stop. It's okay if you're not okay. Love you. 🫂 B Zen

That shit is bananas That shit is also bananas That shit is bananas too Wow. All this shit is bananas! -me walking through the primate exhibit at the zoo

I have two wolves inside of me and they are both posers.

Doughnuts Drinks 🤝 Old Fashioned

I'm sorry I confused public mastication and public masturbation your honor.

if only someone had helped the Hamburger Helper before it was too late

do it rockapella

I think I've reached. Burnout levels of working...and I really didn't want to work today

*short loud fart*