Found a little Japanese restaurant that serves pork katsu curry.....I've never had it and I'm in love. Definitely going back there.

What horror movie do you think everyone should watch at least once Tucker and Dale Vs Evil

I’d rather have my hands on my knees shaking ass on my thot shit but instead I’m on my hand and knees scrubbing the baseboards

You’re allowed to go mad in March. It’s a whole thing.

New sequel idea to a Drew Barrymore movie. A 30 something incel goes back to college and falls for his college professor. Turns out she's really into anal play. Never Been Pegged

slutposting is when u shitpost about being a slut, pass it on

My skeets are like throwing messages in a bottle into a huge uninterested ocean.

hasn’t happened in a couple weeks, but im equal parts fascinated and turned off by the phenomenon in which a longtime silent follower decides that the very first thing they ever say to you is going to be an insult or negative comment of some sort. first impressions are important; this isn’t twitter.

hey. this is the world I know.

I just want a job that allows me to sleep in when I want...also that I don't have to do any work at...and get paid a lot of money. Is that too much to ask?

8 hours of pretending to give a shit about the company I work for...then the weekend.

Hey if it was stuck in my head I have to pass it on Thems the rules of shitposting

...... 🎶Leeet me see that thoooongggg🎶

it's like no one makes em say ugh anymore

Cool thanks brain I wanted to wake up an hour early and have an existential crisis

*ex-gf

I'm a professional level magician in my spare time. In the last few months, I've made great strides at the gym, and still gaining muscle, and I'm now in the best shape of my life. Now I wait. Someone, some time will eventually make it all worthwhile when they start calling me Dumbbelldore.

Just learned you weren’t supposed to pee on the COVID tests. Whoops.

THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

If I die before my cats, I want to be taxidermied and made into a cat tree

Spending a day eating edibles and doing buttstuff would fix me.

Any port* in a storm. *wine cheddar

cheeseburger so good you forget that you’re driving

apparently our kid didn't know what an MRE was so I explained: combat lunchable

Quote skeet with the gif that shows up when you search your name

HA! I have a loophole I'm a replyburrito!

Ummm once you get out the sundress there should be no more snow

finally i have proof that frances never fucked my mom

gravy is the guacamole of the biscuit

Marriage is yelling "come here for a second" like it's an emergency and it's actually just a cute dog video.

The weather app when a fuckboy approaches within 5 miles

My kink is feeling safe

We tell Daniel Day Lewis we are doing a sequel to There Will Be Blood.

he was a squirrel she was a bird can I make it anymore obvious

*checks work calendar* All day zoom meeting *Clocks out and calls in sick until the next century*

2026 Frank Sinatra: Stop spreading the news

current status

Punching my mental health in the dick.

Drafts? You mean the place people who are afraid to actually shitpost put their skeets?

As I pee I try to identify with the liquid leaving my body, to feel myself ripped from the warmth of the bladder and thrust into cruel gravity's clutches, plummeting towards the colder still water of the bowl. This is my stream of conscious piss.

great. just great. they made gollum hot. good grief.

If I had a portal gun I'd totally give myself a rusty trombone.

why yes, i do have a glizzussy collection for my #sheshed

*Burrito in the HR Office* Burrito: Hey buddy! HR: I'm not your buddy and we are here to talk about your searches on your work computer Burrito: they are all important for research. HR: "does eating ass boost the immune system" is not an acceptable work search

febreeze needs to calm the fuck down “juicy summer peaches” i thought the point was to not smell like ass

buying a smart pair of buster brown loafers for all my followers

oh what next i stop calling my pussy julius squeezer?