Okay I was wrong there are Two problems with Mastodon

Dental X-rays? You mean tooth pics?

Mr Rogers was probably a really generous lover

Just know that your great grandparents are looking down at you from heaven feeling so proud of your butthole skeets

Don’t forget earplugs when you go to practice with a drummer, oops

"i'd be less autistic if i had my foreskin" isn't a thing i've heard anyone say

Sorry for bothering you with my unconditional love bro

They’re letting me post like a mom on bsky dot cum

I bet no one told you that the Missouri Farm Bureau endorsed the Republican politicians who support Trump’s tariffs and trade war…the two things decimating Missouri soybean farmers. Did you know that the Farm Bureau sends out a list of “farmer-friendly” politicians to each Farm Bureau member?

Sir you’ve made another doodoo in your pants

Marlins Man has a better seat than any of the celebrities they just showed

Officially taken “living the dream” out of my vernacular

JUDGE: are you both sure there’s nothing that could save your marriage? ME: your honor, he asked me “what has 9 arms and sucks?” JUDGE: so what was the answer? ME: Def Leppard JUDGE: jfc what an asshole I declare this marriage dissolved

Underrated part of this story is that official USG business is done by Truth Social DM. It almost makes you miss the good old days of the PC small group Signal Chat.

Rhythm is gonna get you, but so is chlamydia.

Flagging this call from the jerk store as spam

To everyone I offended this year: Do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again

i've lost all my whimsy cred so i guess i'm just gonna give myself over to shitposting

let's play the penis game i'll start : penis

maybe the real girlfriends of the founders of antifa are the friends we made up along the way

she’s a ten but she watches “Is It Cake?” ✨

I burned my mouth on pizza again- a memoir

It’s absolutely hilarious that no one even mentioned going to Threads if Bluesky falls

Stop it. We're not moving to Mastodon. Be serious people.

On Mastodon they don’t send dick pics, they send Mastodongs. No wonder people are leaving Bsky.

Don't make me come in there! (Mastodon)

who wanna see the mastodon in my pants

If Mastodon was good or even usable, Bluesky would not have immediately absorbed the Twitter exodus even though Mastodon had been an available alternative for years. Nobody is going to Mastodon lol.

Mastodon mods tonight

Make sure you read the report about how Stephen Miller deported Waco's favorite Mexican restaurant owner. www.texastribune.org/2025/10/07/t...

Can’t we all just get in a nice Yahoo! Chatroom and post there?

Really tired of seeing that Strauss logo.

Floofy cats are great until the get diarrhea.

Salvador Dalí could’ve watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Groucho Marx could’ve heard the first Clash album.

I’d join a polycule just to disrupt the power structure

It was taxpayers’ money. Did Homan give it back? If he kept it, did he declare it on his taxes?

Listen, I’m old and lazy. You can go to Mastadon if you want, but I’ll stay here to get ignored.

It’s “states’ rights” if you want to force women to give birth without healthcare, and “states’ rights” if you want to ignore kids getting murdered in schools, but apparently “states’ rights” don’t exist when the president wants to send troops into cities that didn’t vote for him

Over 21,000 at a Portland Thorns women's soccer match last night in Portland, Oregon. Nope, not a war zone. #thisisportland

When you find that one person who agrees with how you fold towels, you have found your soulmate.

It's pathetic, but my best fatherly advice from texts is mostly auto fill.

being back in my hometown is weird bc I regularly drive by my friend’s old house where I got drunk for the first time and barfed on 80% of the rugs in her house

One of the more incredible stories out of LA this year has been how a taco review blog became the best on-the-ground coverage of ICE raids in the city. They do a dispatch every day, follow-up on the kidnapped people (which almost no media outlet has done), and fact-check government claims.

i accept that people don't like me. i just wish i could stop caring about why.

I'm not outraged today so I'm going to drink some more coffee and think about why.

Did it hurt? When you ordered Chinese for yourself but they included 3 forks and fortune cookies?

Girl you better be fearing for him 24/7 because he leads a germy life

Omg Phillies wtf OMGGGGGG CUBS 3 RUN HOMER

Every time I eat garlic bread I imagine how conflicted of a vampire I would be

I think this is partly correct. What it's missing is the fixation on PT standards as opposed to any other MOS standard. It isn't like "If only this mechanic could hang five times the parts, we'd be fice times as effective." It's "If only this mechanic could do five times the pull-ups."