alan dershowitz: your Honor, my client thought that 12 year old was 21

as long as he doesnt eat any more of the bad pussy that destroyed his voice

take venezuela and chinas name out your goddamn mouth

do you think andrew cuomo would move back to nyc if he somehow won a recount

"some call it statutory but i call it mandatory" is so over the top it's like a line tracy jordan would say on 30 rock. it's like the key and peele scene where the detective is interrogating a suspect who released a rap song detailing the crime

im sorry but if you can medal with a ruptured acl this is not a real sport. just admit gravity is doing all the work

Jeffrey Epstein was spiritually a Blue Devil

ask ai how many r's there are in strawberry

the key to making a good fake post is having it be humorous in some way. or so ive been told. everything i post is real

Anne Frank died from a typhus epidemic that spread through the concentration camp where she was imprisoned.

where's the apology form for will stancil haters

ive seen bigger flash mobs

is it too late for turnings points usa to enter a racist dog into the puppy bowl

bill clinton requesting to testify to congress to ask for further clarification on the definition of the word "is"

i thought tesla drivers were supposed to be grateful to give their lives for their master just imagine how valuable that data point is

i don't. he can rot in hell. seriously go fuck yourself

apparently aipac spent millions opposing the frontrunner in the nj 11 dem primary because he thought military aid to israel should not be unconditional now it looks like analilia mejia, who was the only candidate to say israel is committing genocide, will win thank you comrade aipac

bill clinton requesting a public congressional hearing is fine or whatever but literally no one is stopping him from speaking publicly now. we know you’re guilty dude take all the other creeps down with you

SWORN TESTIMONY!!! June 18, 2016 "I personally witnessed defendant trump telling the plaintiff that she shouldn't ever say anything if she didn't want to dissappear like the 12 year old female ⬛️⬛️⬛️ and that he was capable of having her whole family killed."

Breaking: Tragedy at the Winter Olympics

“Warm… and mandatory”

excuse me, she actually ran a great speaking tour and it's your fault she didn't sell all the seats

👇when you just fell out of a coconut tree

Gonna tell my kids this was Kamala Harris

before a meal, skeletons like to tell each other BONE appétit (on account of how much skeletons like to fuck)

my whole theater went crazy when she said this

which penn station tho i say compromise and give him newark

i don't think trump is trying to distract from the epstein files for the simple reason that i don't think he remembers what they are

I hope Dems begin to see that moderate or progressive, AIPAC is not our friend. They endorse January 6th insurrectionists. Yet if you so much as suggest the US uphold its own Leahy laws, no matter your record, they will work against you.

"i have serious concerns 🤓" just say fuck ice

- KH

Trump took down the racist photo of the Obamas as apes, which was the right thing to do, it shows he’s willing to listen to criticism and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, learn from it

dem tea party lfg

corporate wants you to spot the difference

good to see these stories about progressive politics and sexuality are helping to line the pockets of the [checks notes] Murdoch family

I feel like… The president…. Might not… Consider Black people… …to be his equals

wait was he racist the whole time? surely not. there would have been signs

i thought what happened in vegas was supposed to stay in vegas, your Honor

Mount Rushmore is so stupid that I actually support this. Put a Bored Ape up there, who cares

making fun of the former vice president? perfectly fine but making fun of a private citizen? thats punching down

not my ass reading this from the throne

wow, nobody could have seen this coming besides most people when you explain what bitcoin is