Horror films should have blooper reels, they’d be fucking hilarious.

The problem with this thesis is that it assumes - falsely - that the President actually gives a shit about the issue.

my mom and her book group are calling their sinclair abc station to complain and trust me sinclair you don’t want that smoke

If I get raptured before Part 3 of the Scorigami series drops, I'm gonna be PISSED. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qxr3...

The rapture happened this morning and I regret to inform you that you are still here because you suck. You know what you did.

Right now, there are hundreds of translators for hundreds of different languages all attempting to make a Donald Trump speech sound coherent in real time.

I think I accidentally primed some miniatures with white spraypaint instead of primer, so that's a thing that sucks.

"given that policy x, which you have supported for a long time, has led to a result that we all naturally abhor, do you still support policy x?" is a valid question to ask.

How dare the left cheer for dead nazis.

LOL

What’s your best Opening Band story? I saw Tenacious D open for String Cheese Incident (basically a Grateful Dead style jam band) and let me tell you, those stoners did not get it AT ALL. It was HILARIOUS.

When’s the last time Lamar Alexander got sacked 7 times?

I just yelled “FUCKING FUMBLE” so loud I probably woke the kids.

Live your life in such a way that Stephen Miller doesn’t speak at your funeral and nazis don’t sell merch in the parking lot afterwards.

Steve Kornacki after the Rapture: “We’ve got some big surprises here tonight. Everyone expected big departures in the Deep South, but they underperformed. On the flip side, California stayed about the same and Oregon and New Hampshire lost so many people they may lose house seats in 2030.”

Tonight’s MNF game involves 2 of the 3 teams I’d like to see get to the Super Bowl (the third is the Bills).

Having a 4-month old puppy after having an 18 year old geriatric dog is so weird. Like, oh, yeah, dogs are supposed to have energy. And be playful. And want attention. And terrorize the cat. And notice the door being knocked. And destroy things and chew on your shoes.

Update: the New York Post is ON THE CASE.

RIGHT?!? I'm over here like "So they just beheaded him? There's usually way more sodomy. 🧐"

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

Today's news reminded me of my favorite Gwar story. Back in the 90s when I was in college (yes, I'm old and so are they), I saw Gwar at a fairly sizeable, not-very-air-conditioned venue (I believe it was the Liberty Lunch). I was in the pit, I got hot, left and got a drink at the bar. (1/thread)

I regret to inform you that Gwar has pushed the boundaries of good taste.

On one hand, I understand the point and on the other hand, as a parent I have no idea how I would handle such a horrific situation. This is a case where there are no good answers, especially when attempting to navigate your own grief as well.

I always have the weirdest dreams when I'm sick and Nyquil'd up. Last night I dreamt I got a 2 million dollar plumbing bill and to make ends meet I was forced to pitch games with JD Vance as my partner.

What if the rapture happened but only 5 people got the golden ticket because we all suck so much

When I worked on Meridian 59, someone tried to steal an item from me in an event so I… deleted his arm. (I set his arm graphic to null. The programmers were frankly astonished this didn’t break everything).

This is being shared on Facebook. Anyone have any insight or better documented sources?

First they came for the immigrants, then the Muslims, the protestors, and then the transgendered, the academics, and the critical media and now they're promising to go after anyone they can call 'antifa' and I don't know how to impress on you we're more than halfway through the poem.

Tom Homan took a bag of cash from an undercover FBI agent the right way. by Ezra Klein

I’d like to congratulate the Eagles on what looks like it’ll be an absolutely uncontested division championship.

If @kathryntewson.bsky.social was a cat, i feel this would be her catnip. www.reddit.com/r/publicdefe...

As a Cowboys fan I am rooting for Caleb Williams to put up Tom Brady-esque numbers so grotesque that Jerry Jones has a stroke in the owner’s box.

For those wondering why everyone who likes football is losing their mind, there were just two games decided by block Field Goals-scoop-score within 5 minutes of each other. Normally, you can go a whole season without seeing one.

I am sick thinking about how happy @jonbois.bsky.social must be at this exact moment in time.

had to go and find this old chestnut

Re: the eagles game. You have got to be kidding me.

As I’ve said over and over again, the centrists who claim that Democrats shouldn’t talk about this issue are missing a key point, namely that the Republicans will talk about it no matter what because they are desperate not to talk about their ideas or their record.

as if going to bat for Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t bad enough

Man this take from Maureen just keeps looking worse and worse on a weekly basis.

This is funniest possible headline for a song literally called "Song for Bob Dylan"

I like Mamdani and hope that he wins. That said, I really think that with all of the things to be angry about, this doesn't crack the top ten. Here's why: When talking about endorsements, there are two questions: "does it help?" and "is now the time?" (thread)

Last night, I fell asleep in a La-Z boy while watching a movie about World War II and now I feel like I’ve evolved to the next level of Dad Pokémon.

Just saw a Youtube comment complaining about how Disney was woke because "they made a chick Black Panther" and I'm all like "Hey, you know what happened to the other Black Panther, right? Right?"

Oh, hey, I'm now much more interested in the Black Flag remake.

Wow, if only someone had told rural voters that tariffs and an immigration crackdown would be catastrophic for the agriculture sector. www.cnn.com/2025/09/20/p...

Even in places like South Dakota, when pro-life initiatives are placed on ballots directly as initiatives or amendments, they lose. I'm very down with the idea that a Joe Manchin is better than any Republican senator on 99% of the issues in hard-to-win states, but abortion rights are popular!

Who among us

Not gonna lie, as someone who has had to give shit tons of presentations and demos over the years, this is the most relatable I've ever found Zuck.