The Struggles Of Elon Musk 😔

the problem is that entire generation of dems and their younger disciples are all elitist pricks who think one of their main jobs is to discipline their base, NOT reflect that base's policy preferences. which is why we need to kick every last one of them out of office

🤔 It’s definitely not suspicious at all to have people point out your common Twitter sign off is in the Epstein files and ten completely delete your yacht’s logs right?

DHS said that the woman CBP shot in the chest in Portland was “involved” in a gang shooting. Her ~involvement~ was that suspected gang members sexually assaulted and robbed her.

Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, confirms he is pansexual

guy who agrees we should decriminalize possession and just kinda assumes everyone else is also talking about kids

I have not been able to post a pic that didn't show up as a black screen for like a week and I am dying

Funniest possible picture to post with that headline

dude why is everyone in our government constantly gakked

there is a post from the US gov 'department of war' on here that includes video of them actually murdering people and threatening to murder more people & it's been up since november

sometimes I wonder if my british shorthairs hate me for being trans

What the fuck. So the people of MSP get terrorized, their neighbors shot and killed. They organize in subzero temps and THIS is what they get from Dems. I guess it's easy to fold when you didn't have shit on the line in the first place. Abolish. This is the Epstein shit all over again

Nine years to the day since Graham Linehan foresaw his own fate.

Stop what you’re doing and read this piece, which is as powerful as you’d expect from @adamserwer.bsky.social witnessing the events of last week on the ground in Minnesota. “The secret fear of the morally depraved is that virtue is actually common, and that they’re the ones who are alone.”

Calling transphobia a 'gateway drug' to the far right undersells it. It's pure accelerant. Grimly fascinating to guess what crankery becomes any famous transphobe's secondary obsession, cos they all have one: 15 minute cities are fascism! Grok noncing is cool! ICE are good! We should kill all dogs!

Sworn affidavit of a pediatrician witness: "Checking for a pulse or administering CPR is standard practice. Instead of doing either of those things, the ICE agents appeared to be counting his bullet wounds. "I asked the ICE agents if the victim had a pulse, and they said they did not know."

Where is our national press? The government has been shooting at and harassing clergy for months. This used to be a red line. The reality is their red line moved, not yours. They’re cowards.

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

Do you ever just get your foot stuck in your other pant leg while walking and go for a little tumble or is that something unique to me for being so cool

“the family is at fault for not taking the bait” is five star victim blaming. breaking new ground here.

Violence Baguettes Violence

If someone says they're from Indivisible ask them what they think of Chuck Schumer. If they say they like him it's ICE.

Hello from Portland Maine, where 88 of about 550 kids were absent from my youngest’s middle school yesterday, hiding from ICE.

the woke mob is giving He-man pronouns

An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune

Yeah you're right man we will deserve it when it happens

submitted to me: a photo of a border patrol agent retching and spitting after they gassed themselves by mueller park in minneapolis yesterday

The only possible upside here is that by the time the next few years are up people are gonna be so exhausted and radicalized that it will be a mainstream idea to nullify his entire presidency as retroactively illegitimate (because it is)

Naming it Greenland is a 1000+-year-old branding tactic finally getting its reckoning. This is on Eric the Red.

It's funny that most of the "you're not ready to learn how much the rest of the world hates Americans" discourse is coming from Europeans. Man just shut the fuck up, nobody cares about you. Where do you think we learned to be colonialist shitheads in the first place.

It will never not be funny to me that our president is literally Don Quixote, except instead of chivalric stories his brain was melted by social media and dementia.

This story of how you can't 'trans' a child even if you force it on them from day one is somehow also proof that trans kids don't exist.

Hearing reports that Donald Trump is in good health after Air Force One was forced to take an emergency diversion to Epstein Island.

Imagine the psychic pressure of so many millions of people hoping for your death

This is the most astonishing graph of what the Trump regime has done to US science. They have destroyed the federal science workforce across the board. The negative impacts on Americans will be felt for generations, and the US might never be the same again. www.nature.com/immersive/d4...

Democrats celebrating getting body cams for ICE is wild. One of the main reasons they exist is to create content of themselves punishing the foes of their racist, pedophile leader. Now my taxes are gonna pay for that too. Thanks!

The only good thing about going viral is all the accolades and acclaim it gets you that lead to career opportunities and lifelong friendships with other clever people.

Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle https://theonion.com/nation-yearns-for-relative-calm-of-president-a-giant-pedophile-news-cycle/

Clout in the ear if they mess this up.

They can kidnap you, they can shoot you dead in the street, they can terrorize your neighbors and threaten World War 3, and the Democrats will always sign the check.

Nothing has spurred me to weed the cursing out of my vocabulary more than world leaders doing it to sound cool.

This is how pyramid schemes survive, not business models

The key to making a funny absurdist post in 2026 is just to look up whatever famous people were saying 10 years ago. We need an Internet of my dang Wife