Thank you for what? You said nothing. You just did a Magic Johnson tweet. “To win the game, they really gotta outscore the opponent” Oh fuckin great thinkin. Really displayed a stroke of tactical genius there, Sun Tzu.

data visualization is my passion.

This is an actual screenshot from the syllabus for this class. Beyond parody

The Center for intellectual freedom sounds like the kinda school professor Harold Hill would teach at

“There are only two genders: suspended and not-suspended, and you can’t just turn a suspended into a not-suspended. That’s biology!”

you ever end a social interaction feeling like “yeah, i totally nailed that” then later instead of ruminating on what you should have said, it’s like a highlights reel of you saying the right stuff

Mitch McConnell has sadly been found alive

America cheating? Brother, I’ll tell ya, that’s just not the country I believed we lived in.

People need to study the terf movement and learn their methods in order to become politically persuasive. Now quick, who knows a lunatic billionaire willing to spend hundreds of millions to further trans rights while ranting and raving about it on Twitter?

Neil Young’s song ‘ After The Goldrush ‘ performed by Dolly Parton , Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris . Simply amazing performance. youtu.be/NEE9RFDniN0?...

Every post is a banger, to Jesus

The “it’s about fairness in sports” crowd is suspiciously quiet today…

I love how we’ve had years of documentaries and scandals revolving around incredibly advanced sports cheating programs and then the Donald just comes in like “hey, what’s say you change the rules for our guys”

"Um it's actually 'Frankenstein's Country', Frankenstein was the Founding Father"

I always like when people call America an experiment. It makes me think it’s a kind of Frankenstein

In the well-over 100,000 documents written by founders included in the Founders Online database from the National Archives, no one uses the phrase "God's noble experiment." No one.

Your waifu may love you, but can your waifu make little tiny baby waifus? This question has bedevilled scientists since the dawn of mankind

Men after taking a massive dump:

Very important to keep your best posts for your pregnant wife as she’s having labor pains. “It’s okay baby. Sometimes that pee turns into dropping a deuce” was what we call a crowd pleaser

So excited to see this one

tapping the sign

Dawg…

Belgium has reacted with a mixture of shock and anger to an unusual move from FIFA to overturn a suspension of star US striker Folarin Balogun.

Called her once to get a comment from the Buttigeg campaign as a new reporter at Vox and she called me back and screamed at me that she wasn't the press contact for the campaign and that Vox needs to stop contacting her. And then she answered my question.

The one time I met Lis Smith: NYT reporter I used to know had a birthday party at a famous media bar in midtown. He invited disgraced fmr. governor Eliot Spitzer and his then-girlfriend Lis. I hung w/them for a few mins. She saw me talking politely to my hated ex-gf and said, "You two should date!!"

One of the most mundane truths in the world is that the biggest threat to any person comes from their own government, as a simple function of proximity and opportunity, and begging them to protect you from The Foreigners is a great way to increase your vulnerability.

Just left the barbershop and everyone was talking about Haley Stevens. ‘Yoooo ya girl bro! That’s that heat we need for Trump!’ When you are getting talked about in the barbershop — you know it’s real.

Crunching the numbers and… lol, lmao

lol this is beautiful

It’s always “earth angel earth angel, will you be mine” and never “mars angel mars angel, will you invade” and that makes me SAD

REMINDER:

Go back to your own country!

Inducing pregnancy? What’s that? Some kinda commie plot?

You think having your wedding at Madison square garden is indulgent? When there’s a dang CHEETO IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!

Hey guys. Stella here. Just wanted to say I figured out today that “baked beans” is an anagram for “naked babes”. Well, have a good one

Democrats are more terrified of DSA than Republicans.

For all of you wondering about Jerry, I’ve been in constant communication with him. He wants to tell all of you that he’s fine and he also said he’s finally found one eyed Willy’s treasure and that “it’s our time! Down here is our time” before taking a deep breath from his inhaler

Screaming, crying, throwing up

So what are everyone’s new year declarations?

You say black, I say white You say bark, I say bite You say shark, I say hey man Jaws was never my scene And I don't like Star Wars

Is there an animal who is better than the raccoon? not really

Unless you’re grinding up Doritos and snorting them, don’t talk to me about patriotism. Don’t need any of you fair weather patriots

Well that’s simply wire fraud.

good morning

I used to post pictures of my dog on here and one day someone said “I wanna kill your dog” and that taught me a very valuable lesson about people on the internet

Having a man around the house temporarily you can say things like “do you want some Brown N’ Serve breakfast sausage” or “I have some Brown N’ Serve breakfast sausage left over” or “here take some Brown N’ Serve breakfast sausage” and they’ll say “hell yeah I love Brown N’ Serve breakfast sausage”

Don't believe this liar. I told him communism is why the gorilla channel got canceled. That's the real reason.