Terrible advice on its face obviously. And this seems less like a rocket ship than a van with no windows that has "Free Candy" spray painted on the side.

that’s right no guns and no weed, read my substack

I’ve never done any drugs harder than Tylenol. Sweet sweet Tylenol…

always block this account

Arnold Schwarzenegger will return in KING CONAN from director Christopher McQuarrie, with filming set to begin next year. "Look at the movie by Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven. It will be a lot like that but with extraordinary battles," Schwarzenegger tells website The Arnold Fans.

"'Unforgiven' but it's Conan the Barbarian" could go unbelievably hard I fear.

“IVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF NICER TECH SUMMITS THAN THIS!”

Artists interpretation of early “Grogu and the mandalorian” reviews:

I’m sorry but that movie theater chair in a bathroom is far too funny and I’ll need to make more jokes about it

I love this town!

I can’t believe one of the most acclaimed cocktail bars in the city is called “sip and guzzle”. That’s the sort of name an airport bar selling 25 dollar margs made from Aramark mix has. Embarrassing

POV: You're a stoned hot bitch on laundry day, both over- and under-dressed for psychoanalysis, over-booked on deadlines, and procrastinating on them all by reading Tom Segev's Ben-Gurion biography on your NEW TINY COMPUTER BOOKFRIEND

2, 3… MANY COLORADOS

What a fascinating quote

im sorry to barney frank's family but the only thing that comes to mind is that trump tweet

a little hungover and saw a commercial for dairy queen’s breakfast “collection” and i would sell a kidney for the donut blizzard

Minnesota becomes first state to ban prediction markets Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz has signed the nation's first law banning prediction market sites from operating in the state. Trump admin. has sued, teeing up a legal battle over Kalshi and Polymarket, et al. www.npr.org/2026/05/19/n...

RIP 🙏🙏😔😔

Me looking at the discourse: “you’re so brave to wear that. I never would, but good for you!”

“Look at that shitlib with a humanities degree”

non-zero chance he saw Charles (he's not my king, I'm not calling him that, fuck him) and told his circle, "Look at all these medals. I should have these". It's actually amazing this hasn't happened. Maybe it will happen today

I never test my mettle. That way I can claim ignorance if the steel fails. That’s a free legal lesson for you

Pokeman go to the shoals. Ponder your life. Wonder what it would have been if you’d pursued your love of the sea.

“I doff my cap to you, m’lady” I say to Natalia Donkorovya, international assassin codenamed “the sea scorpion”, moments before she pulls the trigger and splatters my cortex against a wall

If I was an authoritarian I’d have people call me “commodore” and talk about how the sea is my one true love

they're replacing libraries with a guy who just says shit

Have you identified a pervasive societal problem or was one person weird to you

“Hello, richest man alive, mr…. Brusk. Let me send you into space”

Having seen “the boys” series finale I can report that Eric kripkes politics are no mystery whatsoever and this show is essentially a way to live out his political fantasies. It isn’t a great ending, but it is somewhat cathartic

They call me mellow yellow which is ridiculous because I am more beige and FURIOUS

CEO: “Well look folks, we all know we gotta solve this and before Brick Top jumps in, no, the answer isn’t ’feed em to the pigs’” Brick Top: “A pig can eat a man in 30 minutes…” CEO: “now what did I just say?”

anti-vaping PSAs are so weird saw a video about how they actually seem intended to make you want to vape and that has stuck with me because it does ring true

"In YouTube Shorts, a new “Remix” option will let users write a prompt to remix a creator’s video by changing its style or even adding themselves into the video, without changing the basic context of the video." Only fascists will use this feature and only fascists will enjoy watching.

I’m gonna put myself into Chocolate rain

(setting down my mug of diner coffee) you guys think when king charles cums he says "Oh bother" like Winnie the Pooh

I’m no lawyer but it seems like our laws aren’t too good

Me as I starve to death: “one of the benefits is not spending money on groceries”

What an incredible series of paragraphs about a Trump true believer. Dude is fasting because food and gas prices have skyrocketed, "and said the current economic pain will be worth it if the threat from Iran is resolved." www.npr.org/2026/05/19/n...

something interesting about Obsession is how quick some ppl (men online) are to view it as a story about Nikki being mentally ill(?) OR a monkeys paw where all the abuse can be chalked up to “magic cursed evil object bad”. this is a movie about a man robbing a woman of her autonomy. it’s not subtle!

It's not just x, it's y...

“IVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF NICER TECH SUMMITS THAN THIS!”