I could never run for political office because my sexting game is traaaaash 😔

Another example of WOKE communist politicians telling YOU how to raise your kids smdh

Just paid $28 for this at lunch

Peter Thiel will arrest you for being a man looking at boobs on the Internet this month

I want you to do as little as possible at work this week. Just like every other week.

How it felt to be a 4-year old showing off the macaroni art you did at pre-school to Mom:

Who named it squirt instead of peecipitation

I’ve lived in the same area my whole life but every once and awhile I’ll drive into a neighborhood that’s clearly been there for a long, long time but that I didn’t even know existed until that moment and it feels like I’m in the beginning of a Stephen King novel.

Who named it squirt instead of peecipitation

After everything MAGA has lied about so far the biggest one yet just might be pretending Stephen Miller isn’t objectively ugly as fuck

How we’re gonna view someone that can write their own emails in 2043:

Oh god oh fuck

How we’re gonna view someone that can write their own emails in 2043:

Haven’t paid much attention to the Hasan subpoena thing but just so I’m clear: Dems are responding in the exact way leftists always said they would?

We’re celebrating MEMEmorial Day today! Drop your favorite memes about America’s war dead below!!! 👇👇👇 🧨🎉🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Bro got honeypotted hard as hell

Turned it off with 25 minutes to go. No thank you.

Nw:

I’d like recommendations for good YouTube documentaries

[Going to the doctor and showing them this picture] can you make me this? Is there a procedure to give me a Dog in Hat Eating Hot Dog kind of life? This is what I want

Steve Harvey ass sandwich

Steve Harvey ass sandwich

I finally collect something. Men don’t wear belt buckles anymore so I’ve started collecting them for super cheap. Got Moose Lodge, Elk’s Lodge and Freemason buckles so far including a Freemason belt and multiple Bergamot Brass Works buckles from the late 70’s.

No. What the fuck are you talking about he just looks like that.

I'm not an expert in basketball by any means, but this may be the most accurate thing I've ever said.

We are the daughters of the zoomers you couldn’t buttmog

Quality. We still have to buy the same shit and that shit has never been worse and more disposable. Private equity is killing off brands that used to be synonymous with quality and our childhoods and we know the people responsible for it have the ability to double their wealth during a pandemic.

And because people erroneously buy meat based on color, we get situations where grocers intentionally do things to old meat to make it look "the right" color.

I'm autistic and even I got the joke

Sharing because people need to know about best buying meat practices in these trying financial times. Much like driving, food becomes a complacency in knowledge and people get fucking mean when they are told they are factually wrong on something they do everyday erroneously.

Is this a joke?

Oh GFY you self-important puffed up fuck

Gen Z is smart enough to have gotten my point. Bless your heart.

Last week I scored 10 pounds of grass fed for $1.80 a pound and had people on Twitter telling me it was bad and had turned grey and I told them it hadn’t and that you’re just seeing the myoglobin and slight oxidation and the idiots wouldn’t listen. Pulled it out yesterday and viola, idiots.

Last week I scored 10 pounds of grass fed for $1.80 a pound and had people on Twitter telling me it was bad and had turned grey and I told them it hadn’t and that you’re just seeing the myoglobin and slight oxidation and the idiots wouldn’t listen. Pilled it out yesterday and viola, idiots.

If they hadn’t staked so much goddamn money on this bullshit they could’ve, with one fell swoop, zigged while everyone else zagged and said “we’re not going to force this down your throat” and earned multiple generations of loyal users

He’d just won a truck series race in Dover last week and when asked if he had a win total he was hunting he said “…you never know when your last one’s gonna be so cherish em all, trust me.”

Goddamn dude. RIP Kyle Busch.

I detail cars for a living so I have access to all the calories I need for lunch every day which is how I was able to afford a half million dollar starter home. This is the kind of out of the box thinking Gen Z isn’t capable of.

I am a J6er. I was wrongly prosecuted for peacefully protesting. The only thing I did that beautiful day was jerk off at Josh Hawley’s desk because the day before he told me he was “totally cool with it.” I deserve to be compensated. Thank you President Trump.

Out: burrito taxi In: French fry car wash

Lifehack: don’t buy a new charging cable. Go to any Planet Fitness’ front desk and say you’re pretty sure you left your cord and they’ll pull out a huge pile of em. Take one that fits your needs. The girls at my gym give me one every time my cable shits out. You’re saving money and the environment.

Got a pocket knife for my JNCOs

I detail cars for a living so I have access to all the calories I need for lunch every day which is how I was able to afford a half million dollar starter home. This is the kind of out of the box thinking Gen Z isn’t capable of.

I am a J6er. I was wrongly prosecuted for peacefully protesting. The only thing I did that beautiful day was jerk off at Josh Hawley’s desk because the day before he told me he was “totally cool with it.” I deserve to be compensated. Thank you President Trump.

Got a pocket knife for my JNCOs

Y'aladdin

“Guy eat hummus once”

man them Arab fellas were cookin when they came up with this one (already been called Ali Bubba)