Wish me luck, chat. Just placed my life savings on Kalshi that I’ll get explosive diarrhea.

watched this, thought huh yeah i guess this sad old woman is kind of funny, moved on. ran into it a bunch more times kept wondering what i was missing about this heartbroken grandmother. oh. it's mick jagger

TERF ISLAND HAS ALSO BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE WORLD CUP

PEDOPHILE ISLAND HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE WORLD CUP

Buying out my local supply of Ivermectin to resell on eBay to conservative Taco Bell lovers

alright hear me out

Lindsay Graham Connor McGregor 🤝 Spent career on knees(,) getting blown out by younger guys

The blood vessel in Lindsay Graham’s brain last night:

Lindsay Graham Connor McGregor 🤝 Spent career on knees(,) getting blown out by younger guys

The blood vessel in Lindsay Graham’s brain last night:

Happy Saturday, friends

This is the most libbed out thing I’ve ever seen on here and that’s saying a lot

New sticker in the store and if you buy the book from the listing that has the sticker you get the sticker with it but if you buy the book from the regular listing you get nothing, won’t even send you a copy of the book hotcommodeity.bigcartel.com/product/gutt...

I wonder how long Phlebotomists have to go to art school to learn how to draw blood

Me, 21 years old, at the monthly Best Buy mandatory 7am all-hands meetings.

Met a friend’s new guy she’s seeing. Super sweet, handsome, fun all around. Then out of the blue, just the two of us standing away from everyone he started quoting BORAT. It was very loud in the bar so I thought I misunderstood at first and went “haha yeah…wait what?” So he leaned in closer to my…

I spoke to Mitch McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning. He said bbbssssbsbsb bghhhhhhh uuhhhhhhrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmm…hhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghhhhh…nnnnaaaaa..uuuurrreeeeefffff…waaaa…wa…ppppffffflllaaaa…pllllfaaa…ooaaaaaaahhh..bbbsssbssssss sssssccaaaafffffssssscaaaassffffffffasasssaaaasffffff…

What’re the odds on Polymarket Trump announces new tariffs on Belgium today

House: Yeah, sure. Simmons: The Celtics absolutely got better with Tatum and Paul George. And they’re NBA Finals favorites. I’m just saying that if Balogun stayed out… there’s the Pusilic piece of it, too. House: [begins binge drinking]

Bill Simmons next podcast: I just think they played better without Balogun. House: Bill. C’mon. Simmons: there might’ve been a little Ewing Theory happening with the Men’s National Team is all I’m sayin.

40 minutes of vows isn't a wedding ceremony, it's a podcast.

Thank you for what? You said nothing. You just did a Magic Johnson tweet. “To win the game, they really gotta outscore the opponent” Oh fuckin great thinkin. Really displayed a stroke of tactical genius there, Sun Tzu.

you know what takes 20 minutes to read out loud? that's right, songs of solomon.

Taylor and Travis’ wedding vows were supposedly 20 minutes each and as a wedding officiant that’s done hundreds and hundreds of weddings I don’t think you’re realizing how fucking long that is in wedding ceremony time.

Just learned the horrible news about Mitch McConnell. My condolences go out to his family and staff. Having to deal with his persistent will to live every day must be horrible.

cake cover band but they all have hank hill ass

Just learned the horrible news about Mitch McConnell. My condolences go out to his family and staff. Having to deal with his persistent will to live every day must be horrible.

Thought it was a roast chicken at first

Cuddled with this cutie on the beach all day yesterday

Now that Taylor Swift is married I’ll probably stop listening to her music. I only did so because of the possibility we would fall in love one day. Bad career decision on her part imo.

Happy July 4th 🇺🇸 🫡 🦅

Happy July 4th 🇺🇸 🫡 🦅

Happy July 3rd nerds

If I’m a Boston fan I’m hoping like hell the FBI hands down a Jaylen Brown gambling indictment today

Me, when the ER doc asks how many Apple TV remotes are in my ass:

Me, when the ER doc asks how many Apple TV remotes are in my ass:

I Bosnia Her Zegovina is this anything

It’s very unfair that the United States has to play Bosnia AND Herzegovina at the same time

why does he always look like a campy villain with a crew full of cute little matching outfit goons

When you’re a Daddy at the gay club with a pocket full of poppers:

When you’re a Daddy at the gay club with a pocket full of poppers:

I LOVE AIR CONDITIONING. I am so grateful for ac. I am so blessed to have ac. I wish everyone had ac. Everyone deserves air conditioning.

If our politicians had the guts to do what it takes America would have high-speed Train Dog coast to coast by now.

Pour one out for her fans having to grapple with the realities of this lmao

“the voice of Willy Wonka is that of Gene Wilder, recreated by GenAI”