Me playing Battlefield after eating leftovers for 2 days:

I think it’s time to focus on what’s important which is the fact that I’ve been dry aging a prime rib for the last two days and I’m about to put it in the oven at 200°

“Snow retention” sounds like something Frosty picked up from North Pole manosphere podcasters

Happy 14th anniversary to this youtube video

hold up

A racist electrician named Wyatt who owns a company called Wyatt Power

I willingly became a cohost of @jortscenter.bsky.social

I don’t give a shit about your accomplishments this year. What’s the dumbest shit you did the past 12 months? The truly stupidest decision you made in 2025?

Wife got me a Cybertruck for Christmas and it already stopped working

Here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 right down 👩🏽👸🏽slutty girl lane!👩🏽👸🏽🎄🎁 GIDDY UP, JINGLE WHORE 🐴🤠 SEXMAS is here!!! 🤩🎄☃️🎅❄️‼️‼️‼️ DECK 🍆 THE HALLS AND SLURP 💦 THEM BALLS 🏀⚽️ 🏈😩 ‼️‼️‼️‼️. ITS MY FRIEND’S 👸BIRTHDAY❗️. 🎊🎂🎈🎈

Severely damage my standing and reputation with people I care about by resorting to clinging behaviors despite knowing these people for more than a decade

look at this crazy jello my mom makes

Stood my ground against Santa last night. He’s dead.

Happy Christmas, nerds. I hope you get a new John Cena wrestling belt. youtu.be/4feIwig2AtA?...

I’llllll be dummmmmb for Christmassss

I can't say but let's just say it's really, really stupid and I'm ashamed.

Watched every New York Jets game so far this season.

Leave my iPad on the floor and accidentally stepped on it. It did not survive.

Pooped so hard I got a nosebleed

I don’t give a shit about your accomplishments this year. What’s the dumbest shit you did the past 12 months? The truly stupidest decision you made in 2025?

What’s the big deal about CBS canceling a 60 minutes piece about EPCOT I don’t get it

merry Chrsitmas

Found these antique J. Wiss & Sons fabric shears at a thrift store for $20 today. Never cut fabric before but they’re cool.

Oh my god oh my god oh my goddddd the local aquarium has three new born otters and they CHIRP

Oh my god oh my god oh my goddddd the local aquarium has three new born otters and they CHIRP

when some gamergater government dudes create an economic collapse to fight woke and put your neighbors in concentration camps to fight woke and then tell you that you gotta go die in venezuela to fight woke and u just hit them with that white boy stare

When parking like a dick, it’s not about the size of the car but how you use it

Credit card companies did to cash what Uber did to taxis or AirBnB to hotels. Shame people into not using cash then jack the fee of using your card and make hundreds of billions in profit every year JUST from merchant fees but no one talks about it as a contributor to why costs keep rising.

She’s a BRICK house?? In this economy???

Bruce Springsteen if he were a sheep: SHORN IN THE USA, SHORN IN THE USA

Truly, one of the best moments of the 2016 GOP primaries was when Trump cooked Jeb and the entire Bush family

Been making low sugar Amaretto sours lately with egg whites, Amaretto, bourbon, sour mix and a splash of maraschino cherry juice

Set off the lunk alarm at Planet Fitness and everyone had to evacuate the building

You gottta shit in my house? You sign a user agreement. Turds and conditions apply.

1 million likes or the 1997 Princess Diana Beanie Baby gets it

Fart

EYES WIDE BUTT and it’s just Tom Cruise making cartoon wolf eyes at all the naked butts at a sex party

I’ve said for years that the Dems never wanted to take this arrow out of the quiver because once it’s fired it’s no longer an incentive to vote blue and now his ratings are in the shitter he’s looking to do anything to bring em up and he doesn’t give a shit about the “moral Right” wing of his party.

A female Quentin Tarantino is actually called a “Quentin Tarantina”

Not only do I have Sundowner’s Syndrome I also have Sunriser’s and Lunchtimer’s and Afternooner’s too

EYES WIDE BUTT and it’s just Tom Cruise making cartoon wolf eyes at all the naked butts at a sex party

All your problems in life can be fixed by a cool jacket

I prolly watched this 200 times

If Harmony Korine made a TikTok

I prolly watched this 200 times

Netflix: we are putting a bid on your house Me: it’s not for sale? Netflix: return disc 2 season 3 of Family Guy and The Mothman Prophecies Director’s Cut DVDs or your children will no longer have a college fund Me: OK IM FUCKING SORRY Netflix: also Eurotrip Unrated

I am constantly forgetting the Titans

NBA halftime shows when Red Panda retires: