I personally believe it’s good when people who had bad opinions change them into good opinions. I think we should celebrate that. Just not as much as we celebrate people like me, who only have good opinions

Once again, I have never in my life met someone obsessed with IQ who wasn't dumber than a doorstop.

Whiskey Tuesdays!

The Home2 has fallen. I repeat, the Home2 has fallen.

Gonna be extremely funny if Sam Darnold get mono again in the next 2 weeks.

I have never understood passive voice but only for police but it's even weirder when there is a clear video of what happened.

Everyone in this administration looks like a WWE 2K Create A Wrestler with one or two sliders pushed all the way to the end.

it's funny going to a big protest because it's a real hodgepodge of ideologies. like at one point i was marching and on my left was the Communist Party and on my right was someone holding a sign that said "my new year's resolution? be a B*TCH!"

Rob from Traitors might be the first person to join a reality show and be like, "I'm not here to win. I'm here to make friends."

You can tell that none of these jokers have held a real job in their lives because cubicles have been gone for well over a decade at this point.

‘for example, many of us buy our clothes from the same department as them’

Ah yes, a New World Order. A thing everyone loves and wants and famously is always a good thing.

Mafia goon: Nice house you got here...it'd be a shame if something happened to it Media outlets: Mafia goon rules out use of force. Expresses regret at the mere thought of it

Listen, I'm gonna wake up and he won't be dead, but I'm going to go to sleep thinking he might be and that's gonna be nice.

Stephen Miller and JD Vance are inseparable from President Donald Trump at Davos this year. Constantly tightly flanked by his two closest advisors, he’s sporting a fashionable new pair of sunglasses and looking healthier than ever

Trump and his team showing up at Davos.

Is tonight the night?

Not to be alarmist, but this is how concentration camps become death camps. It is the first step. You let the sick die and when you mistreat people in confinement for long enough, "the sick" eventually contains everyone.

Everyone's parents own an entire city block worth of homes. This normal, middle class behavior.

I always wonder how this stuff plays with normal people who don't know who this freak is and don't know why the US gov is talking about whole milk so much.

This is crazy because my stand up comedy career also faltered because it didn't have a wider adoption, and it is 100% the audience's fault and not mine for being bad at stand up.

It is crazy because he wouldn't even have to play games. He'd have to simply look at the front store page of steam and remember what he saw. He can't even do that. Hell, just know what games won GOTY. Award season was like 3 weeks ago! His answers are Roblox and PUBG? Is he 12?

The result of stupid people being surrounded by Yes Men.

If Da Pope makes the Bears win the Super Bowl, I think we have to just accept Catholicism is right and convert.

Lol, who sent them there? A mystery! Absolutely rules that they are burying this during a playoff football game on a long weekend. Not even pretending to be an independent news network anymore.

The absolute accuracy of this.

Average Sunday show interview: OFFICIAL: we are going to dip enemies of the state into acid vats HOST: how will you pay for it? OFFICIAL: tariffs HOST: critics say tariffs don't generate acid vat money OFFICIAL: tariffs have generated more money than has ever existed HOST: thank u for ur time

There is no way Zuck could have known that when he read Snow Crash in college it was going to cost him 77 billion dollars.

Amazing what ancient people built even though they were all skeletons

The phrase "don't quit your day job" is so funny to me because, honey, I'm also bad at my day job.

The phrase "don't quit your day job" is so funny to me because, honey, I'm also bad at my day job.

He let slip a little preview of what they are planning for midterms. Declare any close race "corrupt" and refuse to recognize it. There are not clever men and really only have one or two moves.

Every NFL coach who is about to get fired.

It is cool when apps bombard you with notifications but then when you try to open them, they are like, "I couldn't possibly work without an update, I'm just a widdle guy." You seemed to work fine when you sent me 6 back to back push notifications at 730 am!

All this tells me is 1 in 5 people hate their family which sounds about right.

Dear Traitors, I will NEVER want to purchase items inspired by the show.

I know this is mean, but why are they all so... greasy?

Something that bugs me about BlueSky versus the old site is that it feels like *only* political posts gain traction, when what I really want to do is post jokes. Jokes get zero engagement. Calling Trump a tubby piece of shit does numbers. Anyway, I'm gonna start posting bits again. I don't care.

The Chive-ification of nightly network news. Can't wait until they introduce the "babe of the week."

Took him to the same doctor that said Trump is 6'4" and 220.

Thank god for this. Before QR codes we just didn't have the technology to have a tag on someone with their name and badge number. It was impossible. We only dreamed of knowing the name of someone in a uniform.

Can you imagine the type of person who is like "god I can't wait to hear Ricky Gervais's new AIDS bit"?

I mean, 68% from GOP voters on an issue Trump has taken a clear side on is an all time low, right?

Erika Kirk seen fucking Dogbert

At least I will be able to identify the woo weirdos because they will smell like waffle house griddle.

Can't believe this didn't work.

Learning now that I am an illegal immigrant. Damn. I gotta tell my parents.