in the newest episode of the Quorators bonus podcast, we learn about this cool southern lady who has a ton of insane outfits and discusses ghosts. check that shit out at patreon.com/quorators

that's crazy, i matched with him on nyc grindr (we're both straight, but were doing voter outreach)

as a Jew living in New York City, I've never been more terrified. I've decided to start writing a diary in the event that I die in a new holocaust, so that it can be published and become massively popular/celebrated. it's called The Diary of a Young (32-Year-Old) Man. it is extremely sexual

MrBeast hates Zohran because if people have access to basic necessities, it will demolish the Giving People Those Necessities As Part Of A Saw-Inspired Game Show industry

should i go to Turkey and ask for Kurt Cobain hair implants

would you log into EVIL INTERNET? youtu.be/WkNwMdF2UIc

big update

we went to philadelphia (chip shop) to make an important announcement www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRL4...

really inspiring victory speech by Zohran

wtf two hours into being mayor and Zohran has already passed a measure saying that Bernie would have won the 2016 election???

they're saying in the news that Zohran won because of my posts

i'm so fucking happy that andrew cuomo isn't going to be my mayor!!!!!!

i don't know if i can tell you, in good conscience, to listen to this episode. but here it is: youtu.be/WkNwMdF2UIc

Today we celebrate Cuomo Boys taking L’s

heard a guy walking his baby in a stroller say "what a nice day in new york city before it gets taken over by a communist!" so i gave the baby a little fist raise ✊

very excited to announce that Quorators will be opening for the great Well There's Your Problem podcast for two nights in Philly next month what does a podcast opening for another podcast look like? these are the types of questions we will bravely answer for roughly 30 minutes two nights in a row

every time the Post comes up with a new Zohran scandal, like Mamdani's Middle School Classmate Reveals He Found Family Guy Funnier Than South Park, i try to imagine someone reading it and going like "well that's the last straw! i'm all in for Cuomo!"

penis cheney

If three people host a podcast all three should be in a constant state of paranoia about being betrayed by the other two

i like that i can tell Hasan read my tweet on his stream bc of the notifications coming in lol

people keep saying "don't trust the polls" because they don't want a repeat of 2016, but the polls for this race show Zohran up by double digits. the polls in 2016 showed Hillary up 2-4 points (which is how much she ended up winning the popular vote by). anyway i'm excited to have a non rapist mayor

Bram Stoker's Dracula (Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)

i want my gravestone to say i died from someone pressing a button that gave them one million dollars

there's a chess set in the window of a store in my neighborhood that has been set up wrong for months, and it stresses me out so much i've been considering pretending i'm gonna buy it so i can fix the pieces

congratulations to the Dodgers, who are originally from Brooklyn, making this yet another win for beautiful New York City

this isn't a defense of Erika Kirk, who i think is a very bad person, but i think you gotta expect someone who watched her husband get shot through the throat with a sniper rifle to be *kinda weird* in public for the next year or so

It is now November. If you see any suspicious skeletons, please alert your local police department. Guns will be drawn.

Can't think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare

my wife is scary good at guessing the twists in movies she has forgotten she has already seen

i never changed my name on here to a scary pun because, in these terrifying times, it feels wrong to frighten people

ummmmmmm THIS. 👇

pete davidson doing the riyadh comedy fest

NYC mayor Eric Adams visiting constituents in Brooklyn amidst flooding

it blows my mind the people who think that there's an insane mass conspiracy to fake the moon landing but they were like too lazy to check if the shoes were the same

they said it couldn't be done but i've finally pulled it off (become 32 years old)

have gotten a lot of lovely comments around the web explaining the themes of Fight Club the last two days

heard a guy explaining cum town to a group of women as i walked out of Bugonia

i feel like i'm at a sleepover. who does everyone have crushes on???

once you get to the 20th inning of a baseball game, there's actually an incredibly rare rule that says, if someone scores a run, everyone in the crowd has to jump and spin in their seats like a mii

people do not understand the movie Fight Club

the last two segments of this are accidentally connected and made me laugh really really hard this week youtu.be/WAA2GvW9D_c

Reminder to everyone that ONE WEEK from today I am filming my solo show, Forever Young. Buy your tickets now because they are movin! Please share wide and far! I would love a packed house! www.caveat.nyc/events/forev...

wikipedia is the last good website so it makes sense he would want to destroy it

Not me. All of us.

might be one of the funniest videos i’ve ever seen

i feel like this guy would say i don't count as jewish, but if i was killed by a drunk driver, he'd call it an "antisemitic attack"

going to a halloween party dressed as "me back when i had hair"