Me the morning after Election Day 2024 vs me the morning after Election Day 2025.

Happy Saturday! So much for a rain-free weekend, but on the bright side I can just curl up and read. Have a great one!

My Only Fans is portraying all the traits/actions you hate about your wife, but in a new and exciting way... cash app in my bio Did you seriously just look in my bio? Sick man.. sick

Part of my sexy allure is flopping onto the tall bed like a dead fish and immediately snoring loudly... Line forms to the left, gentlemen

Remember to hydrate... Me: 🍷 Dr: Nope... not even close Me:

What my kids learned on the internet today: If lesbians finally get married then on their honeymoon is it the ultimate game of Rock Paper Scissors?

When I knew he was the one...

Hanging in my sorority house

I'm a light-weight... yet, my wine glass does not get the message

I spend a lot of time replying to everyone's posts with the perfectly worded message and delightfully fitting meme... only to delete it

Happy Friday! What a fucking week of both highs and lows. I'm opening up my bottle of dinner 🍷 turning on whatever from Netflix and scrolling social media. It might be a night to remember... but I probably won't. Cheers!

I have to be mom chauffeur tonight...

Finally time to drink!!

Happy Wednesday, friends! After last night, I have a little hope - hope that I thought died about this time last year. Please don't let the Dems fuck up this momentum.

Something has got to change... it can't continue this way

No really, it will be different this time.

Happy Tuesday! Me: I love the color of the leaves and raking them into a pile for the dog... Mother Nature 🌬 :

It's a daily struggle

Hookers spend less time on their backs than Patrick Mahomes did on Sunday.

Dinner was good. I'm too full to eat dessert... Ooo! Halloween candy...

My two favorite seasons are… 1) Halloween Night 2) 364 days of ignoring anyone who comes to my door

Me too, Applebee's... me too

I've been bamboozled!! I need to speak to a manager or something...

People keep coming to the house. The anxiety is real. Gotta love Halloween 🎃

me, to any feisty teen trick-or-treaters tonight

I bought full-size candy bars this year - hoping to cause a neighborhood stir that it was MY house that had them... I got 1 kid... one! Now I'm sad and a have a tummy ache from eating too much candy...

Good morning Skywalkers! Happy fucking Halloween. Hope you got some spooky plans tonight, like a romantic walk through the cemetery, or staying up late watching spooky movies. Whatever you do, just be safe out there, lots of weirdos out tonight. Cheers 🍻

Trick or treat?

Usually I do really elaborate pumpkin carvings for Halloween, but this year, I decided to say fuck it.

Happy Halloween, ghosts and goblins! Trying to get through issues so that I can have a spooky good time, but having to do work while at work is sucks Frankenstein balls! Hope you clowns play today like a little kid with a paper boat in the rain!🎈

I really gotta up my game...

Quote post your favorite reaction gif of all time.

So many people have inspired me to be nothing like them.

Happy Thursday! One day closer to Halloween and the weekend... fuck it, my witch's hat comes out for Teams calls today. At least when they call me a bitch (as they often do with women in power), I can hear bewitch.

If you see this, quote with a robot that isn’t from “Star Wars,” “Star Trek,” “Doctor Who,” or “Transformers".

Let's watch scary movies and cuddle...

Happy hump day, witches! Watch for the crazies and stay safe out there...

My 2025 WTF BINGO card had Outbreak style disease spreading. so close to a BINGO

The demon of my culinary mistakes comes to visit me every Halloween

Happy Tuesday (which feels like it should be Thursday)! Sometimes you take the beaten path... sometimes you machete your way through a new one... either way, it's better than standing still. Hope you have your path plotted!

I'm tired, but the thoughts keep swimming in my head, keeping me awake. Tomorrow (today) is gonna hurt...

I would up and die.

Love can be scary good...

It's Monday... But, Halloween is on Friday. I am likely staying home and giving out candy to the 2 kids left in the neighbourhood - not even dressed, but have all the excitement of a kid about to get a pillowcase filled with candy.🍫🍬🍭

It's a bit nipply