America’s Next Drag Superstar used Bluesky once!

Meryl Streep’s daughter being the worse actor on Gilded Age is why I have trust issues.

A UFC fight on the lawn of the white house sounds like how The Stand would have ended if it were written today.

I’m old enough to remember 9 years ago.

I feel like Westworld came out about a decade too soon. Need to rewatch.

I despise autocorrect but I’d be an incoherent mess with it.

Sending this post to bluesky like tossing a message in a bottle into a volcano.

“Don’t Worry Be Happy” is just a list of things to never say to a depressed person.

When we eat the rich will the thrillionaires be included?

In case I forget where the food is.

If you step into religious waters expect to go to hell.

I feel like Blondie quickly ran out of things to rap about in Rapture.

Everyday I curse the selfish prick who parks on the sidewalk so we have to walk in the street only to find it’s my estranged first cousin.

All snickers should be ice cream snickers.

Nothing but respect for the person who packed my kid’s Easter fidget toys.

I’m not a creep I just want to steal a bit of your Lily of the valley.

Petey in the pridekea bag.

The Miniature Wife looks like something I’d have to watch in the torture cabin from Addams Family Values.

Hey look it’s me as a doctor!

What’s the male version of a nanny? A nanner?

Of course the most shocking thing about this photo is Tiffany was invited.

Justin Bieber is the Andy Kaufman of today I’m just not sure if it’s intentional.

I could watch influencers having a terrible time at Coachella for the rest of eternity.

Can stay up to watch the Strokes because I might have one.

Whoop! Shuffalo, 40m 38s 🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 www.newyorker.com/puzzles-and-...

Getting my film degree in 2007.

MAGA this past decade.

My 3-year-old is a Rorschach fan.

“Your mom has a nice par.” - Me at 8 am on a Saturday playing switch sports golf

I almost became an astronaut until I realized they wouldn’t let me control the thermostat.

I just want to roast in the sun like a lizard.

Only comes out at night: Owls Vampires The Maneater

I only share when I do well. Happy Friday! Shuffalo, 1m 40s 🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

The Boys would be a perfect show if Starlight’s upper lip wasn’t so distracting.

“Push in, tear back” never works.

Softball always felt like an insult to me.

I have the unique trait of having grown up in the 90s and still dislike Nirvana.

My personal Vietnam was in the 90s when every birthday cake had shaved coconut on top.

It’s Peetie Incaviglia.

It’d be cool if skittles didn’t make commercials that creep into my psyche in the middle of the night.

They look like a 90s sitcom where they would put the actor in a darker wig and say it’s a long-lost cousin.

If magic carpet ride comes on I think of nothing else.

I’m a professional, modern working woman until I miss snackies.

When I get a new follower

You can live 41 years and still have your mind blown.

Anytime someone mentions using AI (it’s happening a bunch lately) I make a far like they farted in front of me. They may-as-well.

It’s cool living in the forced LARP of a sociopath.

Every 14 days

Susan Collins must be generating a magnitude 5 earthquake the way she’s probably shaking her head right now.

You know those dreams when you feel like you’re punching underwater?