Need a quick Halloween costume? Try: 𝑫𝒖𝒄𝒕 𝑻𝒂𝒑𝒆 𝑴𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒚!™

I read somewhere Ska music described as what plays through a toddler's head when they are about to get string cheese. I really felt that.

1980's Robert Plant has way more fretless bass and digital drums than I remember.

🚨PSA: It is NOT FRIDAY yet. (FUCK!)

My #spooktober 1st visitor. 🕸️ Welcome 🕷️

🚨 I SWALLOWED MY GUM 🚨

★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)

Man, that was a hell of a week!

So, I looked in the mirror and thought about how old I am... and I can tell you should never do that.

Who's your favourite Jedi? (Wrong answers only)

Fuck these soft, watery, pieces of shit.

Post something random or have an awful October

Bill Burr LOVES to use "C-NT" with zero irony or humor. He hides behind Carlin as if he even belongs on the same planet. He is a dull, pedantic, duplicitous, over hyped, aged out moron who's still enamored with Chappelle and C.K. Even if he backbites the Saudis later, fuck him, and fuck them all.

I put the "Pump" in Pumpkin Spice

iOS 26 is a hilarious parts bin pastiche of orphaned UI gimmicks no one ever wanted. Also, it feels broken and glitchy. I like flat design for a UI, give me that option at least.

Age yourself with a film you saw in the cinema as a kid.

Tylenol Pentagram

My god, 70's tv production was LOOSE! I saw a side character drive a car right into a cement wall while parking. They just cut to a close up of him getting out like nothing happened. Hilarious. Yes, please, more.

how it feels to chew 5 Gum (you are the monolith)

Your one cat allotment for #caturday

Guys, its Friday (Kimmel's back and now we forget)

"strengthening their relationship" 💀

🎃Putting the PUMP in Pumpkin Spice🌶️

I sneezed myself through time and space leaving the largest blackhole ever witnessed by science.

There are so many hot chicks in this incubator.

Share your favorite B&W movie.

Advil makes you squeak in your sleep

Remember when they added a pitch clock to speed up #mlb games? They are adding automated strikezone challenge to slow it down again. I think they should add a 3-point base in the outfield while they're at it.

Man, that was a hell of a week!

so, if two people are fucking during the rapture? is it like a power boost or something?

if I get raptured sitting on the toilet, does the poo go with me or like kinda fly up and fall back down? do I go through the ceiling? would the poo get stuck on the ceiling? so many questions!!!

subtly downgrade a band Green Mild Capsicums

Cocaine so white it talks about cross-fit to the elderly.

Cucumbers are FRUIT

The energy I bring to the function:

(me spinning my gavel like Thor's hammer) Check mate, your honor.

MLB Network are you okay?

I don't want to start anything political, but guys, Cracker Barrel changed its logo

Blood Fart

The worst thing that happened to the democrats was The West Wing during the Bush years. Total head in the sand shit.

Best movie soundtrack? Almost Famous (fuck me, but goddamn, every track is a banger)

"Scorched Earth On Capitalism." (me, flirting)

yelp review for exes: First day after signing a lease and moving in together: "I quit my job!" ⭐️

Every white couple in a house hunting/home improvement show