Claude's heart was never in the art game because he was all about that Monet.

You can only enjoy a wolf moon if you are a night howl.

at least Henry Kissinger didn’t live to see this he was deprived of that bloodthirsty joy

My dog has a lot of audacity to look at me like I am the crazy one.

Social media has taught me, that if you have nothing important to say, you should say it on social media.

They say money can’t buy happiness but poverty can’t buy anything

The sweetest thing ever told to me was when a drunk said I'm a double vision.

In retrospect, I guess we should have anticipated this unfortunate downside of building a highway to the danger zone. And letting a senile idiot drive.

New year new mental health deductible

I don't remember what I was doing at work before the holidays, but I have pretty good recollections of who directed 80s films.

The Fly vs McFly, a Cronenberg/Zemeckis joint

Because I hunt irate rabbits, there are cross hares in my crosshairs.

*puts glasses on* *looks around* *takes glasses off*

Leaving a pile of words here for later

was it their crew, it was their crew wasn’t it

Day 3 of the new year and my plan to stay an undiscovered genius remains on track.

doing the BRAT diet (Bacardi Rum And Tequila) & i still have diarrhea AITA ?

(after losing to a childproof seal) well fought!

Gym memberships are divided between the abs and the abs-not.

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never lost track of a spider in their bedroom.

Merging households with my partner, and we ended up with three Insta-pots, 900 pieces of silverware, and zero couches.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a fighter pilot... now I feel a sense of accomplishment just getting out of bed.

I have to do things today. Gross.

Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance then they’ll burn for all eternity

What's your favorite song about the world having turned and left you here

my Merriam-Webster word for 2026 is mortifying . also, it’s mortifying😭

Gonna start a reaction channel where I react to other reaction channels and make fun of their stupid reactions.

My older kid has been in the bathroom for 45 minutes. He's at the age where he could be playing video games, with himself, or doing both. I have no desire to solve this mystery.

is it don’t call him shirley, it’s don’t call him shirley isn’t it

That movie where Mr Jagger plays an abrasive mason who falls in love with a rural hooker is a Mick brick prick hick trick chick flick

If the only Tool you have is getting hammered its tough to stay Sober.

Seeing that the White House physician is Dr. Barbabella you’ve got to wonder if Trump might have been momentarily confused and thought he was signing up for THIS?

Someone took a vow of celibacy at the zoo after claiming to see a sign that said "DO NOT FEED THE LOINS".

Sometimes I take my glasses off because life looks better that way.

I was all about this video about the world's richest people who live like they're poor until it got to Mark Fuckerburg and said he lives frugal cause he always wears the same shirt. Uh, he owns Hawaii. There's nothing frugal about that. Fuck off.

I’m always on the lookout for new flavor combinations to add to my salads. This one’s seasoned with denimleaf, Space Rocks & eelsbreath.

Politicians are up to their tricks Influencers just count up their clicks Food prices keep rising Big biz keeps downsizing Not much hope for twenty twenty six

So we meat again Typo, my old enema

After this year, I think I'll take 2027 off. As a treat.

When I say "So long, 2025," what I'm saying is 2025 was sooooo lonnnng.

There is more lip syncing on NYE than the other 364 days of the year combined

If I want to see “Stranger Things” I’ll just go to the Discover tab

We’ve reached the stage of the flu where we’re ready to try livestock medication from Tractor Supply.

Given his proclivity for illegitimately changing the name of stuff and slapping his name where it doesn’t belong, I’m surprised he hasn’t claimed it’s now Donald J. Trump’s Rockin’ New Years’s Eve.

I can’t be the only one who gets prosecco and prosciutto confused. What I’m trying to say is never send me out to do the shopping.

(cannibal) more like 🎶 savory caroline🎵

Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.

Making mini foods today. Mini just means you can eat ten of them!

Starting dry January with cottonmouth