Don't call it the restroom if you don't want me taking naps in there

It says a lot about how little Black people are valued in society that Liam Neeson saying he wanted to kill a Black man wasn’t the end of his career, but now he’s finally being cancelled after being on an anti vaxx doc.

Everyone seems to have forgotten how Liam Neeson said out loud that he wanted to beat up random black men after a friend of his was raped. Like not the guy who did it, just any black man would do. I stopped watching his stuff after that. I don't care how funny the new Naked Gun is.

Cloudflare is just one guy holding two cables together. The entire internet runs through them. He is being electrocuted 24/7 but holds on because he knows people need the world wide web. When he passes out from pain & exhaustion we get 404 errors

it's amazing to think that relations with Japan began hundreds of years ago with importing the manga carta

"oh, don't forget to highlight, in bright red, the two-letter word in the tagline! the two letter word that's kind of the whole point of this clever ad campaign! the two letter word that links this show to the horror movie of the same name!" "no problem boss. i'm on it"

Job application: “Who to call in case of emergency?” Me: 9-1-1

Thanksgiving Day is about celebrating that she made it out of the pants

me, holding a séance to speak with my grandmother: "Can you hear me?" my grandma, texting me from Florida: "Sorry I forgot your birthday again"

Wouldn’t it be problematic to have a bag with a handle that just falls off?

I feel this verberating my bones down to my very soul

[makes a joke in Teams at work] *hr starts typing* haha cool hr is gonna get in on the jokes *hr continues typing* ohhh this is gonna be a good one! *hr continues typing* uh oh

hate that im not even a little bit surprised by this

"No worries if not", I flirt

I like porn that challenges me to be a better person

welcome, denizens of this Web Zone, to yet another day of whimsy. today's agenda: - roll around in bed like a cat - rewatch one or 2 episodes of an old TV show - have some coffee - roll around in bed some more

"one day, when it's safe, when there's no personal downside to calling a thing what it is, when it's too late to hold anyone accountable, everyone will have always been against this"

she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October

So old I remember when it was considered a political liability to hand out a presidential pardon to your son in law’s drug dealer buddy who went on to commit crimes of violence and sexual offenses. nypost.com/2025/11/11/u...

which johnny cash song mentions going into a woodchipper feet first?

I met a weird girl and within 20 minutes she had me eating nerd clusters straight from her hand like a horse

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

I don't think jesus accounted for this many sins when he died for them tbh

Before the disgusting GOP cut SNAP and are now fighting court orders ordering them to quit their psychosis & feed Americans, they cut USAID which has already *starved 100’s of 1000’s of human beings worldwide to death.* Barbaric isn’t enough to describe such depravity. *Well* past “politics.” 🆘🇺🇸

Well at least that's all it was

"doxxing" was named after the first person doxed, Robert Dox, 4520 Jacobs Ave, Belview, MN

women with swords are out. women with lances are in. women with axes are out. women with hammers are in. women with bows are out. women with slings are in. women with plate armor/chain mail are out. women with hoplite armor are in. i dont make the rules i just very gleefully enforce them & make them

who decided to call it gender affirmation surgery instead of tuck everlasting

You’re never too old to pretend to learn.

I'll just floss tomorrow

my latest investigation for @consumerreports.org is based on months of reporting and 60+ lab tests of leading protein supplements we found that most protein powders and shakes have more lead in one serving than our experts say is safe to have in a day (🧵) www.consumerreports.org/lead/protein...

I would be unstoppable if I stopped stopping

"For my wellness journey" I murmur as I pour a 2lb bag of M&Ms over my face

hate when my obsession with catching a serial killer starts negatively impacting my personal relationships

I respect my dog. But I don't respect her beliefs.

We will need Nuremberg-like trials

it takes a lot to make a stew

more mayors should be cheeseburgers

On the bright side, we are living in a time of incredible stain-fighting technology

Orc Frasier be like "I listening"

Judge: you’re here because you booped the cop on the nose Me: your honor, may I approach the bench? Judge covering his nose: absolutely not

interviewer: can you explain this gap on your resume? me: nope

there aren’t a lot of purely good things on the internet but “you have to share Tom Holland doing Umbrella” is one of them

I don’t say this lightly but Mr. Beast might be Satan

hibachi magic wand restaurant

Ultimately, we're all looking for the same thing: a horse who solves crimes

just found a bullet casing with the entire bee movie script on it