next time you sit under a tree, remember that it eats farts

When I don't want people to read an article, I post it everywhere I can to tell people not to read the thing I'm showing them. surely they listen to me and I'm not part of the problem by giving them hate-clicks

How are Dropout shows still not getting emmy nominations?

literally yes

'She should have come forward sooner' is always the first response like no she was waiting to see if maybe society would do better and she wouldn't have to join the ranks of women who ruined their lives in the hope that their assailants wouldn't gain even more power.

In better news, John Oliver's three-day stint/stunt as a corporate villain on legendary soap opera "General Hospital" appears to be going... fucking brilliantly?? I have watched this clip on a loop for like 20 mins I really, truly need to see the full episodes NOW

Before you enthusiastically tell me to say hello to someone for you, please keep in mind that the only time I’ve ever followed through was never.

The whole internet loves Larry the Truffle Cat, a lovely cat that digs for truffles! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you Larry is AI generated

I just had to explain this to a friend but it never occurred to me that people don't know: Bonsai trees are not generally a special kind of tree. They're usually the exact same species as normal trees, just kept artificially tiny by potting shallow, pruning most the leaves, and limiting root growth.

So weird that hot dogs come in packages of 10 and my wife left me for a magician

why can’t everywhere just have the same lighting as my bathroom

i'm gonna be honest gang, being a designated second class citizen whose existence is increasingly made illegal? doesn't feel great. upside though is that it makes every trans people really cool by default, so it's impossible to say whether it's good or bad.

I just met you and this is crazy but I’m selling shoes that were for a baby

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

This iconic Fabian Todorovic cartoon is still one of the best I’ve seen at illustrating the remarkable amount of space we surrender to cars, leaving little space left for everyone and everything else. The text added later makes the bonus point that many drivers still manage to complain about it.

I’m in that awkward phase between college and nursing home

I just wanna be able to burn things down without being called an arsonist.

‘Say yes and never do it’ Mel Brooks knew how to deal with the studios

the jungle isn’t as welcoming as i was led to believe

friend at a big tech co just told me that her company's chatbot and their client's chatbot have been caught in a mutual support loop for several days that has generated nearly 20k emails

the best time to take a shower is 20 years ago. the second best time is now

jesus haunting judas horror movie called I Know What You Did Last Supper

Check out this sword stuck in a stone!!

he just ran over a family of 4

C'mon man, the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it

Never change AI

im mad that they made me learn baby yoda's name i never even watched the show

I used to think dem politicians didn't care about any issues, just winning elections. but they really stick with the transphobia even when it costs them elections

I like how in so much scifi, the AI can't lie, but in real life the AI can't stop lying under any circumstances

"Apple, Google, and Meta are very excited to announce the release of new AI-driven products. We guarantee that they will respect your privacy. Unfortunately, these products are not available in Europe, as they have laws to protect your privacy."

Bluesky users be like

Preemptive post:

ffs sometimes bells just toll, stop asking

Sorry I lied about being a professional clown to explain my clown knowledge.

the high cost of bouncy castles is largely due to inflation

the most annoying thing about living here is tourists asking to meet She Who Slumbers in the Lake. buddy, we all want to meet her. that’s why we lure the tourists

yikes :(

good questions

six feet of earth? over my dead body

A friend of mine who was TA’ing for an AmLit course found a copy of Moby Dick a student had left behind. It had only one marginal annotation, around page 100, that simply said “whale is important.”

Can't sleep. Still mad at my parents for lying to me about Santa Claus

Have you identified a pervasive societal problem or was one person weird to you

My best piece of advice, and this is something I learned the hard way, is: if you live in an elevator building, get a keychain that is larger in every dimension than the gap between the elevator car and the elevator door

love my apparently bug-based tl