I hate hate hate the feeling of applying moisturizer/lotion/sunscreen to my body and I’ve discovered that the solution is to wear a $5 tanning mitt while I do it, PSA for any fellow sufferers

I don’t really fault people for relying on delivery, bc that reliance has been aggressively & insidiously cultivated in our society and we’re all fucking pawns of capital. BUT, for the same reasons, I do increasingly & genuinely think (and this is so cringey, I’m so sorry) —

Someone put a nickel in Armando Iannucci, his next movie is here

I’m not sure why this isn’t being mentioned more, but: IRS policy for 50 years has been that the sitting president & VP get audited every year, in an effort to reassure the public they’re not corruptly abusing the office to enrich themselves.

I stand by this analysis!

My best piece of advice, and this is something I learned the hard way, is: if you live in an elevator building, get a keychain that is larger in every dimension than the gap between the elevator car and the elevator door

if i was going to give a college commencement speech i would make sure to start with something the students could rally behind. something like "we will mechanically suck the youth from your bones to feed a mechanical eschaton, which my generation will use to climb heaven and become new gods"

My review of Dean’s—featuring stargazy pie and also the best kicker I’ve ever written in my life

Movies in which Sally Hawkins develops a profound emotional relationship with a sentient nonhuman who’s under threat of capture, and a regular bathroom gets filled up entirely with water like it’s a fishtank

Was racing to get to a 6-8pm book party after a work dinner the other day. Arrived 8:03, elevator opened onto a dozen people I love, all in exuberant states of joy; I hugged & congratulated the beloved guests of honor; and then everyone rode down to the lobby together and said our goodbyes by 8:06.

Ten-course all-dessert tasting menu alert 🚨

Someone nonconsensually subscribed me to their newsletter AND their unsubscribe link goes to a 404, how can I best ruin their life

In 1999 on AOL instant messenger my friend and I made plans to hang out at the park in like ten minutes, and then we immediately called each other to confirm because the tech was so new that interactions didn’t feel real or binding

I always ask, but if they said no (which has never happened) I’d prob take it anyway

The “See Also” on the Wikipedia page for Flannery O’Connor’s “A Good Man Is Hard to Find” is just, oh, exquisite

I am an unfettered DELIGHT to edit 💅

Listen I read a lot, and a lot of it is dull as hell, and I’ll tell you one thing I’ve learned: tedious writing is almost always a product of the writer conveying, rather than discovering. When a writer is discovering, or sharing discovery, no editor on earth can scrub out the vividity & joy.

the Québécois term for peanut butter is “beurre de pinottes,” my god

This is so smart. The people do not yearn for automation! “It is a failure when you ask people to adapt to computers. Computers should adapt to people. Asking people to make themselves more legible to software—to turn themselves into a database—is a doomed idea.” www.theverge.com/podcast/9170...

God I love Reddit so much and I love people so much

Ok when are we gonna get the major expose on the mega-scammy MLM-y world of “coaching”

In 2012, not long before the great Roger Ebert died, he published one of the finest, tightest essays ever composed about the ineffable nostalgic perfections of chain restaurants, a celebration of his beloved Steak ‘n Shake and its unchanging, ever-delicious burgers and fries. (Link at end of 🧵)

Regular-stuf oreos are so puritanical

So very glad I allowed myself to be influenced by Helen. The Vegitalian was incredible.

HUGE NEWS FOR THE GLIDER PRO FANDOM

Very important typo I just made

Philosophically of course I believe women should be allowed to be assholes, but in practice it’s so annoying

I too am a Helen who does not ever want to be in a work-related video

Good list here of nonprofit orgs to help Palestinians. If you prefer to go the mutual aid route (more & faster money into the hands of ppl who need it) the Sameer Project is a reliable & transparent central hub for fundraising linktr.ee/thesameerpro...

It’s a beautiful spring day, time to rewatch Michael Clayton

thanks @barelyconcealed.bsky.social

I’m going to literally die if I don’t get a map of where all the Starbuckses are in Amsterdam relative to the homes of HDW fans

Lotta people using “scaffolding” as a metaphor when they mean “armature.” Scaffolding is an exterior structure that allows construction to occur within it, armature is an interior framework around which something is built.

Soooo exciteddddddd

Today, my fellow founding worker-owners and I are launching a subscription drive to @feedravenous.bsky.social. We are a group of experienced and award-winning food journalists here to publish thoughtful writing and incisive reporting from around the food world. www.weareravenous.com

I am not entirely sure what to do with the news that Ajinomoto—you know, the MSG company—is lowkey a major player in the AI supply chain!!! (from @matt-levine.bsky.social’s Money Stuff)

The original Move Fast And Break Things cautionary tale! The novel’s whole throughline of anti-academicism, the hubristic capitalistic-science-uber-alles — so hot right now

Can’t take the tinned fish girlies seriously until they start taking pickled herring seriously

Nearly every April Fool’s post I’ve seen has been for a fake product that I actually genuinely would want to buy???

Oh my god Ukridge IS a crypto bro, nothing has ever been more perfect

Hey, if you work in food (media, restaurants, cooking, bev, broadcast, science, academia, biz, nearly anything), & you're an immigrant to the US, & you're under 38 years old—you REALLY ought to apply for the Vilcek Foundation’s Creative Promise in Culinary Arts prize! vilcek.org/prizes/vilce...

If the next graf were a turn — introducing discussion of power as performance, the compulsion of some politicians to construct a hyper-masculinized character for themselves, the layered social signaling of lunchslop salads — it could be an all-timer great lede. Alas.

what is it about submissive men* that makes them absolutely TERRIFIED of trying sushi? I’ve taken like 3 sushi virginities & am fixing to take another tonight. idgi! I also had a femsub who was like this but she was an anomaly

Introducing my 3yo to Singin’ In the Rain and as soon as Lina Lamont speaks for the first time, Anya goes “Her voice sounds like Muffin!”

Can’t stop thinking about this.

Ok. Yes.

Two of the journalists assassinated in South Lebanon this morning by Israel were Lebanese correspondents Ali Shoeib and Fatima Ftouni. They become the 252nd and 253rd journalists killed by Israel in the last two years. Unprecedented. (📸 Cradle Media)

everything I love about writing as a journalist/critic — a killer lede, a strong kicker, a surprise joke — is there to remind you about the person who wrote it, and that they see you as a person too.

Oh you know what’s also a terrific middle-grade fantasy AND the author is a very rich and famous British lady? The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles by the one and only JULIE ANDREWS