I feel like all this massive global politics hellscape situation is somehow, cosmically, eldritchly, connected to Armando Iannucci being a contestant on the new Taskmaster

In the same repurposed complex as the Restoration Hardware outlet and a Costco!

if you are talking today about how bad maduro was and were alive, at all, during the run-up to the iraq war you are potentially the dumbest person to ever live

Now that they’ve started a war I’ve completely forgotten that they’re pedophiles.

Claudia Sheinbaum could do the funniest thing right about now.

I need someone to explain to me how a single Poshmark account can have a quarter of a million active listings

When I worked at a bookstore I sold Anna Chlumsky her college textbooks

A restaurant I utterly hate is closing, but I cannot be even a little happy about it because I know in my bones it’ll be replaced by something unfathomably worse

I’ve started to realize that a whole lot of people think that calling a book “well-written” means it doesn’t have a lot of spelling or grammar errors …?

@hels.bsky.social cold oven turkey recipe never disappoints. Just do the prep, friends, you will not be disappointed.

Good thread

Got me crying in this Hilton Garden Inn rn

Long-overdue update (this is like the third or fourth iteration — washable markers, baby!)

White men are 30% of the US and if they look around the room and see it’s less than 90% white men they think it’s affirmative action.

What utter BS. So if gender affirming care is not subject to 42 U.S.C. 1395, which stops CMS from controling the practice of medicine, because they claim it's not healthcare... then what the hell authority and basis does CMS have for getting involved in this at all and extorting hospitals over it?

The news of HHS potentially pulling funding for any hospital that provides gender affirming care for youth should terrify everyone. This means the govt can decide what care any of us can receive and hold funding hostage for any hospital that doesn’t bend to its will.

I ordered something, paid $90 for rush shipping, & it didn’t even get sent until a full week after it should have arrived, so I wrote a politely bitchy email and they refunded my $90. I’m not sure if I’m more proud for standing up for myself, or ashamed that I paid ninety entire dollars for shipping

This is so fun

Most normie Caesar salads are just lettuce Alfredo anyway

The Oracle at Delphi emerging from her cave absolutely dripping in Parmesan:

I can’t explain it but I think Alfredo sauce is about to get fuckin huge

The rule of Hanukkah: If it fries, it flies

My favorite sufganiyot fact is that they weren't even associated specifically with Hanukkah until the 1920s, when the Israeli labor movement promoted them as a way to keep bakery workers employed over the holiday, because traditional Hanukkah food like latkes was easy to make at home

When I think of Christmas, I think first of the latkes

The first line of my toddler’s favorite book about Hanukkah is “Hanukkah is smelling cookies baking in the oven” and NO IT IS NOT

:)

you ever think about how buck wild it must have been to be the first European colonizer to see a hummingbird? “i saw a tiny bug that was also a bird, and it had hatred in its heart.”

Men only think about 15 things, and two of them are Macaroni Camp Style and London Loaf

Oh my god it’s a Patreon I’m actually excited about and will actually read???!!!??? Bless u Emily

After I had my daughter, one of the qualities I looked for in infant formula was existence, which was an aspect my breast milk lacked

“Optimized Nutri-Dense™ Meals”

ICYMI: my review of the new Babbo, which tries to revive everything that was great about the place (Mario Batali) while scrubbing what made it radioactive (Mario Batali) www.newyorker.com/culture/the-...

"....we’re great at selective sanitization; not too many Great Gatsby-themed parties feature dead bodies in the swimming pool...." - @hels.bsky.social www.newyorker.com/culture/the-...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The ultimate IYKYK/IYCYC: I wrote about Babbo. www.newyorker.com/culture/the-...

Jim convincing our toddler to try fonio by pointing out that it rhymes with Ponyo

Hey all, The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships. Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits. You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.

Categorizing all my friends based on whether their “you wanna see a dead body” text links to the NYT review or the WaPo review

Time for my annual appeal for bakeries to sell holiday cookie blanks — cookie-cutter sugar cookies with NO decoration, nothing else, not bundled with any decorating elements or anything — so lazy ppl like me can buy them and decorate them at home

Ran out of poop bags while walking Dido so I used a Chick tract that was on the ground next to her poop?! God works in mysterious ways, blessings etc

Irrationally angry that Wirecutter’s “best Black Friday deals” roundup includes insulting shit like $5 off a $30 Tupperware set and $5 off $43 plain glass vases. Fuck you.

My cold-oven turkey recipe really is the best and you should all make it next year :)

Huzzah, this is great timing...! A lovely #Thanksgiving for Joan Aiken and her wonderful Wolves Chronicles...no comeback necessary, they're all still running...! Come and find them on her website: www.joanaiken.com/book_categor...

dont read The Bad Thing Part Three, read @hels.bsky.social on turkey carcasses, you'll be much happier www.newyorker.com/culture/the-...

Urgent Thanksgiving PSA !!!!!

"all appetite, no apology" whewwww that's the good stuff (as is turkey stock, I make a huge batch every year after Thanksgiving and it fucking rips)