Every time I see this guy's picture it reminds me of early in the movie when Benjamin Button was little but old

"Small update. Delta Airlines has lost The Constitution. But no worries, we received a twenty dollar voucher toward Aunt Annie's Pretzels"

Hey ChatGPT can you write "I'm a fucking useless loser who hasn't updated his understanding of politics or the world since 1997" but say it like I went to Harvard

Tonight on CBS, Young Sheldon avoids a cortisol spike when he mathmogs a neurotypical MOID who was trying to nerdgoon

If in the 90s you could've inspired an SVU episode where a prep school kid on crack strangles a girl at a rave, congrats, you get to be CEO of something

You can tell these AI dipshits have never had a real job because they think they’re training it to talk to customers but what it’ll learn is to complain that Brenda took a shit before her 15-minute break and not during it

Before you write off anything as Too Stupid to Be Possible here, in "Men of War" Jordan Goudreau says they planned regime change in Venezuela at a WeWork in Miami and Kurt Schiller admits he was there but says if anyone planned a coup it must have been when he was in the bathroom

I don’t know why you guys are watching the State of the Union. YouTube probably has a video of a toilet overflowing with diarrhea that’s a lot shorter

I for one would like to see a politician be sane about this stuff. "Unfortunately it's a cop's job sometimes to tell people having fun to knock it off. People shouldn't throw snowballs at them, but also police officials shouldn't call for the imprisonment of everyone who makes them feel like nerds."

My wife and I do this. She wants an aisle seat and I don't want middle. People will offer to switch with me like it's some sort of accident I ended with window shade-control and an armrest. "Oh you'll gift me the youngest child seat and neck cramps? What a saint"

Trump's cortisol levels skyrocketing after being brutally SCOTUSmogged and failing to tariffmaxx the moids and foids.

And the real winner is the Kavanaugh clerk who used Polymarket to parlay the opinion with airstrikes on Tehran

The Supreme Court had to choose between two different types of pervert overlords and decided they still wanted to go to Bohemian Grove

Enshittification is everywhere. The Supreme Court costs as much as it ever did, but now you don't even get the ruling you paid for.

U.S. BORDER PATROL AGENCY-WIDE MEMORANDUM: "Okay, for clarification, when we said "Stop human trafficking," it wasn't intended like "Stop!... Hammer time!"

Kristi Noem's youngest kid is in his early 20s and I bet a night out with the boys is real fun right now

So about once a week, LaMelo Ball hits someone with one of his 100 ridiculous cartoon cars that look like they’re from Twisted Metal and the people of Charlotte are just expected to deal with it like it’s the weather? Just look out your window and see if LaMelo‘s coming?

I used to think this. Then I got my way and a ton of people stopped going to church and then replaced their search for deeper meaning by watching Clavicular videos for tips on hitting themselves in the face with hammers

Hey bro you wanna come over real quick and ride my exercise bike barefoot in my sauna

One of the reasons it's like arguing with a wall trying when you talk to people who think AI can: 1) make a good movie; 2) that people will pay to watch, is that they think an idea for a movie is like "A Hot Babe Does Karate"

This stuff, more than any of the Pizzagate 'Knives Out'-style MacGuffin clues, is like putting on the glasses from 'They Live'

“Industry” is the best show I’ve ever seen where there’s something so weird in every episode that you can’t really recommend it to anyone you have to make eye contact with in the next month

I don't even know exactly what The Chart Guys are paid to misunderstand anymore. Primates have an innate sense of fairness. Every service has 17 different hidden fees. They're rolling out dynamic pricing at the grocery store so the shelf can scan my face and charge me more. 1/x

Turns out the show "Silo" is real except it's about a civilization that just forgot to go outside

The NBA is going to do something generationally stupid to correct a Black Swan year that includes 1) a generational draft class, and 2) a host of teams that found themselves in specific tankworthy situations due to Acts of God plague and pestilence situations like star injuries and Nico Harrison

Mainstream media isn't conspiracy-pilled enough to explain it. ICE/The White House is in a three-front war against the Deep State, Antifa, and their migrant army. They snatch agitators to see who's funding the whole operation and therefore stop immigration www.kenklippenstein.com/p/21-secret-...

And Coach Kilmer’s still alive, abandon hope

One thing I don't get about the A.I. evangelists is why do they need me to believe in it? I'm just a guy. Roll out your various computer ghosts, take over the world, whatever, leave me out of it

I just happened to bump into him on the island he owned

Respect to Sam Darnold. Finally a big come up for us Dumb Losers Who Just Keep Hanging Around For Some Reason

The new Muppet thing was great. Now more than ever we need shows that are a reminder that actual entertainment is messy collaborative chaos where the audience is a player too. Glad Disney sold these characters to AI so I can make Kermit smoke crack

"Look, we've already had a couple dozen A.I. sex dolls come in today, best I can do is 40 bucks"

the lesson any normal ppl would take from the epstein files is that some people will excuse anything in order to be proximal to money and power and these guys are like "well I know we're not in the emails but we want to remind people that we'll also do that"

Mavs at the trade deadline

Is the idea that the government should assign these guys offspring directly, or is it we should stand up reeducation camps where we teach these guys PUA tactics

Wearing a t-shirt that says "Don't Even Talk To Me Until I've Discussed My Coffee With a ChatBot For Some Reason"

Epstein is the most garish and harrowing manifestation of this but oligarchy makes life miserable in a thousand other ways. A core point of democracy is that no one should have so much power that they can make themselves everybody's problem. We should have a political party that believes that

If anyone's looking for a missing Dem consultant there's a guy in the replies here trying to means test pedophiles

The Epstein emails should really end the debate over whether society should have billionaires. "Do you want there to be a class of people so powerful they can fuck your kids and no one will even try to do anything" seems like an easy sell if everyone in politics wasn't trying to get on their payroll

Everyone made fun of cops when they wore shorts and rode Segways, now look at us. We need mandatory dork cops

So Senate Democrats agreed to fund the government and Trump immediately gave himself $10 billion of it. I don’t know how they don’t look at their polling and understand their problem under Schumer is a fundamental lack of dignity. If I wanna spit on them what’s Trump gonna do

Cooper Flagg is nuts man. Nothing looks hard for him but also he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing and he sets the NBA rookie scoring record

"Krauts in the open!"

"We're gonna make a new rule that says the people breaking the first rule really really -- and we're discussing including a third really -- have to follow it."

When Guns N' Roses slows it down to do 'Patience'

I understand their limitations here, but it is deeply funny that just by instinct, like salmon swimming upstream, on every issue, the Democrat response to any demand to make things better is "How about we make things worse more slowly"

Tiny Greg Bovino pitching the idea of riding under the next Border Control commander’s hat and still being in charge via Ratatouie’ing

Sisu is best for all your Nazi suffering needs

Hearing word that Trump has abdicated and handed power to Will Stancil. The Stancilphate is here, inshallah