inviting you over to my house and i live in a cgi background from a live-action cutscene in a 90’s computer game

if that aint me in the cemetery graverobbing body parts from a newly buried murderer for a sinister doctors gold coins

my job, on the first of the month, a payday: well, can’t think of any reason our poor-ass employees might need this money right away. we can send this whenever we feel like, really

it is Halloween Season and I am officially a radioactive skeleton again, as is my (famous) tradition

they’ve been playing the classic 50’s rock song “Shout” at work roughly every 45 minutes and I’ve learned that I deeply hate the classic 50’s rock song “Shout”

Spooky Season has arrived on the Criterion Channel! 👻🧛🐈‍⬛ What are you watching?

weeping softly because they won’t be able to pay the troops they’re going to deploy against American citizens

what if we kissed and then you discovered I was wearing poison chapstick and you had fallen into my trap

I should be allowed to call out of work and play video games instead

fuck this Tuesday it SUCKS

GM LET’S FUCKIN GET IT

So i lied and said the baby wasnt mine and she left me bc i didnt want to come off as the type of guy who would just up and leave his pregnant wife. I am entombed in a tapestry of lies! Worth it for the pickles tho bsky.app/profile/bren...

We need a bigger tent, that’s why we must betray and expel the following types of people:

I’m awake, and you know what that means: you’re probably about to fall asleep

god damn that must have been a lot of money

me, when there’s boobs: oh, nice

they’re banning the Guy you invented because of ethical concerns in the scientific community

A thing of beauty: The U.K. quad for STONE COLD (1991).

look, I’m not saying I’m morally superior to most people, but you should definitely be inferring it

one thing I will say for the gummy worm Mountain Dew is that they really got their beef gelatin flavoring down

I will say this for it:

wow! thanks to the power of AI, not even death can stop stan lee from taking credit for the work of jack kirby

Downloaded and cropped this because the link was not embeddable. 🤷‍♂️ But yeah, some pieces of music are incredibly versatile in their uses. Enjoy!

running through a low tier zone in world of warcraft on your mount

smokin on that shit that made Elton John write a song about how he doesn’t wanna get blown by the sun

medbed: the bed that sucks you off

it’s so annoying that I have to be interesting to get attention 🙄

he’s a vampire this year, whatever, nothing will beat the year Cap’n Crunch fuckin DIED

EZRA KLEIN: this is a thing I have been struggling with. I don't want to live in a country where people making under $30,000 per year are harvested for their protein, but we do live in a country where 40% of the people want exactly that. And I must admit, the long pork is indeed so tender and juicy

if I grew to giant size, I would only defend the city. I would never destroy it

Sorry your soulmate reposted me

developing an interest in sports specifically to annoy that one guy

they won’t even let you do warmed-over Threads gimmicks on this website smdh sad

after seeing footage of this PS4 version I am ok with my life choices

INTERVIEWER: As you know, we are a nation beset by myriad horrors. What are you doing to fight back? SCHUMER: I have been reaching out to the horrors, many of which are friends, in hopes of working together on this for all Americans. You demand we descend into hell? Well ok, but let's do it right.

I’m gonna be honest, this clock can fuck off

“sure he’s a corrupt snake beholden to the Trump administration, but at least he isn’t promising people stuff!”

R.I.P. Rice Krispies Treats cereal

you know an energy drink is The Good Shit when it’s got the same metallic aftertaste as a can of malt liquor

once again trying to sag my pants and getting the dreaded Muffin Top Ass

SHATTERHAND NATSUME 1991 NES

fb ads crazier than ever

*wagging my finger* sir … that is illegal

the Command & Conquer series is 30 years old today we so have an excuse to share this iconic moment with Tim Curry

General: (on radio) Your weapons are powered by the guilt you feel over your dead wife. By harnessing Silent Hill’s fog energy you can unlock new Guilt Battle Stances. I’m marking a deposit of Guiltonium on your minimap

It's that time of year again!! #tomatkins #nightofthecreeps #halloween3 #creepshow #maniaccop #thefog #bruiser #encounter

made a new character to co-op the first boss in Bloodborne and people have started sending me messages of thanks?? gross