Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Faces filled with joy and cheer. What a magical time of year

How was I supposed to know we were both related? Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated

In the bathroom, I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain

Pizza all day and every day

Oh, it's a station break...Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

Pizza party at your house. I went just to check it out

If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never leave my house again

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap, I knew she had to be the girl for me

Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat?

There's Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel. He opens his mouth, always says something foul

I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address, I'm half an hour late for my algebra test, Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest

Have a big dinner, have a light snack. If you don't like it, you can't send it back.

You better listen, better do what you're told. You haven't even touched your tuna casserole. You better chow down or it's gonna get cold

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Get yourself an egg and beat it

How come you're always such a fussy young man? Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran

He said I really like your snaggletooth necklace. Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay

When I came back again my car was gone. Well, I didn't know it was a loading zone

Aaaaahhhhhhhhaaahhhh!

Since you've been gone, well it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day

I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped a two-ton bowling ball on my toes

When I swore that you're just getting more and more beautiful every day, well I was only kidding honey, What's the matter with you anyway?

Shouldn't have got up this morning, should've known it's just one of those days

Nobody's sure what I do here, and uh, that's just fine with me

I love to watch my boss get angry, so I can count the veins in his neck

I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks

I'd rather slam my fingers in a door, again and again and again

He was kind of a jerk, He was kind of a bore, but the women would scream when he walked in the door

I might decide to tie you up with dental floss, I'll make you wear a harness and I'll show you who's the boss

Baby are you in the mood for a little romance? Well for starters I can pour some chocolate pudding down your pants. And then attach electrodes to your brain and watch you dance

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white. Maybe I can suggest an appetizer

I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh

I was there to match my intellect on national TV. Against a plumber, oh and an architect, both with a PhD

I'll kiss you even if you have omelettes for breakfast, and i can't stand omelettes

I’m your shelter from the storm, you'll know I'll always have your back. I'll even let you warm your freezing hands inside my butt crack

I like to feel the warm spot on your chair

Then I met sweet young Janet. Prettiest thing on the planet. Had a body hotter than a habanjero. She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

Jillian was her name. She was sweeter than aspartame

Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Faces filled with joy and cheer. What a magical time of year

How was I supposed to know we were both related? Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated

In the bathroom, I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain

Pizza party at your house. I went just to check it out

If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never leave my house again

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep