Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me

Nobody's sure what I do here, and uh, that's just fine with me

I love to watch my boss get angry, so I can count the veins in his neck

Oh, they're just jealous cause I've seen PORKY'S twenty-seven times this week

I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades, than spend one more minute with you

Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how. Spread it on a litle of this bologna

Just gimme some Lysol spray. Just hand me a moist towelette

I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks

I'd rather slam my fingers in a door, again and again and again

He was kind of a jerk, He was kind of a bore, but the women would scream when he walked in the door

I might decide to tie you up with dental floss, I'll make you wear a harness and I'll show you who's the boss

Baby are you in the mood for a little romance? Well for starters I can pour some chocolate pudding down your pants. And then attach electrodes to your brain and watch you dance

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white. Maybe I can suggest an appetizer

I lost on Jeopardy, baby, ooh

I was there to match my intellect on national TV. Against a plumber, oh and an architect, both with a PhD

I'll kiss you even if you have omelettes for breakfast, and i can't stand omelettes

Don't want no Cap'n Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran!

I’m your shelter from the storm, you'll know I'll always have your back. I'll even let you warm your freezing hands inside my butt crack

Because I only have got one brain to rot, I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

I like to feel the warm spot on your chair

Then I met sweet young Janet. Prettiest thing on the planet. Had a body hotter than a habanjero. She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

I love shows with or without a plot. I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot

Jillian was her name. She was sweeter than aspartame

Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Faces filled with joy and cheer. What a magical time of year

How was I supposed to know we were both related? Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated

In the bathroom, I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain

Pizza all day and every day

Oh, it's a station break...Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

Pizza party at your house. I went just to check it out

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap, I knew she had to be the girl for me

Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat?

I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address, I'm half an hour late for my algebra test, Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest

Yes Virginia, now Santa's doin' time in a federal prison for his infamous crime

Crank the volume, ears are bleeding, I still don't know what I'm singing

Now, I'm no genius, but one thing I know - I shouldn't have had that bag of bran muffins an hour and a half ago

Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand. But plumbing's one thing I don't understand

We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes. Most of our brain cells are gone

Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar, downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar

You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette. You're the biggest joke on the Internet

Ain't goin' to work, no way. Callin' in sick today

One thing I can guarantee - the best things in life, they sure ain't free

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp. I could spend all day in my underwear watching "Ernest Goes To Camp"

Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp

I rub it on my roast. Mix it in with my coffee and spread it on my toast