first person i thought of when reading this was @aprilglick.bsky.social www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/...

a psycho killer says what? qu’est-ce que c’est? dammit

youth minister speaking of jimothy, let me tell you about another J guy who digs through the trash to save your soul

jimothy is a metaphor for capitalist colonialism but you aren’t ready for that conversation yet

have you all seen jimothy

coves face when i’m working and not giving her enough pets

this is the plot of a goosebumps

probably eragon? i hadn't even read the books but a friend wanted to go so we went along. it was painful

inside of me are two dogs both from taco bell lettuce

when someone asks why people are fed up with the democratic leadership, i'd like to point to their social media strategy

i put my pants on JUST like anyone else after banging your mom

my favorite part of playing diablo 4 is waiting an hour for it to download new content so i can play it

seriously mollz is the best and a kindred statistics nerd

pro tip for those seeking help with technology, please provide more information than "it doesn't work"

new pick up line "is this your patootie? cause you're a cutie"

i'm training to be an insult comic and you goofnuts aren't ready for it

WHO’S A GOOD GIRL

you ever have to cough while eating rice and then some grains get all up in your nose and it’s feels awful? me either. that’d be weird

me: speaking of segueways.... wife: no no please don't [i strap on helmet] wife: you are bankrupting us

one time my friend confused “stop drop and roll” with “stop drop shut em down open up shop” lmao needless to say the funeral is saturday

youth minister: it's giving? how about you giving money to support our mission trip to orlando florida

me: do you think anyone in the office would know if i just took a quick chair nap? coworker: i think the eyemask and blanket are going to tip them off

just when you thought they couldn't get even more ghoulish: www.bloomberg.com/news/article...

i am sorry jude bellingham ❤️ but i am NOT sorry harry kane!!!!! 😂

calling the boston sky coldplay the way it is all yellow

buying one as an future investment for my children

happy birthday @britculpsapp.bsky.social i got you a new hell thread! reply below to use it!

happy birthday to a real one @adrew.dadguy.help one of my earliest bluesky friends. we bonded over olivia rodrigo and mutual hatred of rory gilmore. love you man!

instead of age verification bluesky should be mandating dated hr videos about relevant topics such as “you don’t have to reply to everything” and “don’t send unsolicited dick pics”

alright time to sit down and watch this french spain game don’t see how anyone’s beating france today!

[nods knowingly] andrew lloyd webber would like you to be mungowary as cats sales skimbletanks

my culture? watching weezer music videos on the windows 95 cd

this reckless ben/bricks and minifigs drama is frustrating because bricks and minifigs sucks but damn ben dude you gotta hire a lawyer and not represent yourself

youth minister: world cup? let me tell you about one cup that the world should drink deeply of...

death cab for cooties

bought new boxer briefs but the legs are two long so now it just feels like tight shorts

it’d be awesome if people stopped using lindsey graham possibly being closeted as a punchline

monday songs

the number of times i’ve accidentally kicked her (not hard) because i didn’t realize she was down there is too damn high

i was just looking through the lists i'm on on clearsky and saw i'm on someones "non sporting" list to them specifically: luckily the world cup is only once every four years

a girl in my youth group during high school tried to write a paper titled “catholicism vs christianity”

i’m in the business of misery [next slide] let’s take it from the top [next slide] her bodies like an hour glass [next slide] it’s ticking like a clock

i wish dennis miller wasn’t an asshole, he would have a field day with an england argentina game

we as a nation have strayed away from dipping oreos in milk retvrn

“Breel Embolo” isn’t a real guy. That’s a Star Wars character

landon donovan trying to justify that flop. come on man

i get your frustrated switzerland, but dude flopped the hell out of that

when dad is gone all day and insists on holding you like a baby and you’re not sure if you like it or not

i’ve spent way too much of my life planning the perfect wish for a genie