mrs hall: honey what’s a five letter word for female dog? daryl hall: it’s a bitch, girl

mario voice: thanks-a so much for consuming my-a content

the look when i start singing 🎶you’ve lost that puppy feeling🎶

My urgent tagged job posting for a military mortician has a lot of people asking questions answered by the job posting

sorry sir mixalot, i will not perjure myself. i like all butts.

hey joe have you [waves arms generally] seen the state of the world? we don’t need a scold from a man that supported trump. humble yourself

mine is ”just asking questions” tik toks where the influencer is always eating something

the artemis crew disconnecting the capsule. just a beautiful moment and testament to the ingenuity of human kind

wait why are they climbing back into the capsule come back

really feel like the crew missed an opportunity here “wanna see the moon?” [hams against capsule window] “how about these moons?”

gurl wut?

math should release bug fixes every now and then i mean we haven't had a fix for postulate 5 in centuries now. literally unplayable

oatmeal rasin can catch these hands

look i don't care that you've always said it or that "but when i say it, it just means stupid". like yeah it's fucking offensive. stop saying r*t*rded please. it's lazy and offensive

"hey you all remember that train song about ham?" "the hell?" "yeah meat virginia"

our country tis of thee sweet land of the glizzy of the i sing

She’s so perfect. I got the best dog ever and I already got her for 13 years! I’m the luckiest woman alive

about time someone called that motherfucker out

trying to explain to my wife why star fox appearing in the super mario galaxy movie is such a betrayal

guys at poker night accused me of cheating but they’re just jealous of my full house, queens over draw twos

i never really got radiohead

only if left hand is done

That is totally appropriate. Despite his murder mittens, Fergus loves head kisses.

wait so the paw patrol finds gold in a stream and the first idea is to create a giant golden statue to a chicken? what kind of cult are they running?

They lined up for you. They’d like to kiss you too if you don’t mind.

Arthur says whassup slacey

These 2 love head kisses, (Morrigan is at the top, she is almost 4yrs old. Merlin is at the bottom and almost 1.5 yrs old)

Do it, I dare ya.

what about large head dogs

@darthbluesky.bsky.social i accidentally started a thread where people are sending me cat and dog pictures and, it feels like i found a cheat code for happiness. i envy you

back to normal today (wreaking havoc and plotting world domination (or leaping higher than two feet, either works for her))

SMOOCHED

IT'S OUT THIS IS NOT A DRILL www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRfH...

he heard you

"is this some sort of ironic doom?"

Go for it

Kiss away on this sleeping beauty.

her [out of breath]: holy…holy shit that was a amazing. how’d you get so good? me:

tell people you love them more. family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, people you just met. normalize that shit, you should love almost everybody

i didn't mean for my post to become "show me pictures of your dogs and cats" but I'd be lying if i said i was upset about it. i mean look at this nugget

1,877 cars for kids sounds like a transformers hostage negotiation rather than a charity

don't mind me i'm just singing chandelier and testing out silly voices

ahhhh i didn't realize! i need to watch the last episode of last comic standing before tonight then!

i don't mean to be inappropriate, but i want to kiss all of your cats and dogs on their cute little heads

for two years i was a chilis simp and haven’t seen so much as a coupon for skillet queso

having kids, you would think that would make me a morning person. instead i'm just a caffiene addled grump

fun 80s fact alf stood for alien life fuck