more like liquid ass i’m the first to do that right?

just upgraded to the latest ios. i’m really not trying to be a hater but the visuals of it just look like a step back. feels like someone discovered word art in microsoft office and can’t not put glow on everything

aliens have the chance to do the funniest thing today

“there are no dumb questions” but i ask my priest if im raptured while im having sex where the cum go and suddenly i’m excommunicated

[being raptored] this doesn't seem right

radar plots: doing what a line chart can do but worse!

girl are you getting raptured? because your body is heavenly

youth minister in a six seven voice: christ heeaveennn

youth minister in a six seven voice: christ heeaveennn

radar plots: doing what a line chart can do but worse!

Make sure you leave milk and cookies out tonight or jesus wont take your soul tomorrow

the most delicious dip known to man. cheesy goodness with small chunks of beef begging for a tortilla chip to deliver it to the promised land* *my mouth

not gonna lie i hope some of you get raptured im tired of your shit

what i don’t get, if they were going to present it without evidence anyway, why didn’t they “conclude” vaccines cause autism?

me telling my grandkids what it was like to have vaccines

i could never be kirk cameron they way i wouldn’t leave that behind #rapturehumor

i really hope the rapture thing is true. christian’s leave and us heathens get the place to ourselves

watching paw patrol. the dogs just resorted to chemical warfare

🎶 she’s a cowboy in a backpack she rides she’s wanted (wanted) fully alive 🎶

[reviewing my 23&me report] huh, apparently i’ve got apple bottom genes

apparently it’s not ok to tell people you’re tonguing the mint hole when you’re enjoying a lifesaver? in brighter news hr wants to meet with me!

beck: i got two turntables and a microphone urologist: that's..that's not the common terminology

the small girl loves herself a sunny perch

the small girl loves herself a sunny perch

that and use it as an excuse to for literally anything. cancel plans, get dinner delivered, call out of work, make an impulse purchase, milk it for everything it's worth. nothing would honor my memory more

if/when i die. you have my permission to use my death for any manner of set up for deez nuts jokes. it’s what i would’ve wanted

HELL YEAHHHHH

they don't make commercials* like they used to *EAT QUIZNO SUBBBBSSSSS

creating my own chat bot the only prompt is "tell me i'm a good boy"

when i was a young boy my father took me into the city to see ninja turtles coming out of their shell

feeling the beginnings of a cold today. no idea where i caught it. definitely not because i shared a bed two nights in a row with a coughing 3yo

when the toast is burnt and all the milk has turned and [the constitution] is waving farewell when the big one finds you may this song remind you that

just saw someone on reddit type out “if they come for snl im out” and like….what a bizarre line in the sand

rip to robert redford sneakers was an alltimer

can a botanist explain to me, when to pluck a turkey leg how long does it take to grow back?

can a botanist explain to me, when to pluck a turkey leg how long does it take to grow back?

sometimes my dog takes a poop so big i legitimately wonder how it all fit in there

so wait i’m just tuning in, but the emmy’s are legit like “speak faster or we take money money from charity? or was that just for andor guy?

“stay golden pony boy “ “omg johnny you watched kpop demon hunters too?”

remember in rookie of the year when henry throws a home run ball from the bleachers back to home and the umpire calls the guy safe, as if the ball was still in play? completely took me out of the movie

my secret? this is my diary and you’re all forced to listen to my intrusive thoughts

the fact that “funky butt loving” isn’t on the top 100 movie lines of all time really calls into question the legitimacy of the AFI

@dly.bsky.social is free?????

hey @jay.bsky.team i can’t help but notice this is still up while others have been banned for much less. seems like a bad look but what do i know

hey @jay.bsky.team i can’t help but notice this is still up while others have been banned for much less. seems like a bad look but what do i know

free @dly.bsky.social

🎶im unzipping hand is gripping now it’s TIMEEE TO PEEE gonna be gonna be golden🎶