hey you beautiful people. i love you all. whatever holidays you have celebrated, are celebrated, or will celebrate i genuinely hope they are great. wishing you all the best

[laying in a pool of vomit surrounded by empty coke zero cans] why does my head hurt

trying to get followers on bluesky

“my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?” “wah waaahhhhh wahh wah wah wah”

hey look, she doubled down

it’s the ultimate troll to give someone four days worth of birds, then gold rings before giving them another two days worth of birds

day eleven “oh thank god almost done. look this was great. as long as tomorrow isn’t just 12 dudes flailing about the place im all set “ true love: 😬

it’s the ultimate troll to give someone four days worth of birds, then gold rings before giving them another two days worth of birds

“santa announced in the paper he was too sick for christmas” “also believing in him is for kids!” something’s not adding up kid who claims his name is ignatius

if teenage me knew i had strong opinions on where and how i like to have sex he would’ve slapped me

"oh oh holy shit is that hook?"

it's kinda crazy how the song monster was non-fiction

i always like to think there's no limit to what i could accomplish if i could travel back in time, but i forget that the majority of the time would be me making jokes about things that haven't happened yet. [standing in dealey plaza, nudge the person next to me] "vaxxed?"

| who’s there ? |I | | who? | _

my company can lay me off if they want, but if they do, it's really going to hurt their linkedin games averages

whenever i’m traveling im sure to visit the local garden center to get hoes in different area codes

| who’s there ? |I | | who? | _

can your energy melt steel beams?

whenever i’m traveling im sure to visit the local garden center to get hoes in different area codes

i hate when only the base of trees have lights wrapped around them don’t lick my nuts and call it a blow job

me convinced i had a banger to post but can’t remember it the banger (probably): she clair obscured my expedition till i 33ed

brother just returned from peace corp and i want to let him know how i feel about him. i made folgers, will he get the hint?

as everyone should

that limbo between getting my kids hair cuts and knowing if my wife approves

it may be the end of me, and if it is, you can put me eating a spoonful of cookie dough on my tombstone

in high school i worked on the newspaper and the highlight was definitely getting to title an article: Swimmin’ Women

i hope this david movie does really well. i need a bathsheba sequel

i mean….yeah

i will never not kiss my dog on the nose and tell her she’s a good girl

[insert doctor manhattan meme] www.engadget.com/wearables/in...

let it be known that i do have a grandma in arkansas, and kafui was not aware of that fact before this

“la a note to follow so” really phoned in that line didn’t you julie andrew’s

making a dentist appointment just to feel something (a man’s hands shoved in my mouth)

I post this with love because I loved so much of Rob Reiner's work, but the thing I think of most when I think of him is the Roger Ebert review of his movie North: "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it."

yearly reminder that one of the most underappreciated chrismas movies is arthur christmas

no offense to the miracle on 34th street judge, but he didn't have to rule that kris kringle is santa, just that he wasn't a harm. judicial overreach at its worst

miracle on 35th street: kris stabs a man just a week after the trial. brian is disbarred. the judge is recalled. Cole's (Macy's) goes out of business.

obsessed with people who are like “Mr president stop, you’re not your compassionate self right now”

watching miracle on 34th street. i love how the people who don't believe he's santa still act like it's perfectly fine "oh this guy thinks he's santa, fills out paper work as santa.....yeah he should baby sit my kid"

further proof that mizzou sucks

[watching a musical] god, please don’t let it be another song…

SOS Save Our Salisbury

donnerd

the rudolph song is so busted. i can think of tons of worse names to call reindeer stupid vomit bitchzen

[reviewing my 23&me report] huh, apparently i’ve got apple bottom genes

the goldfish uncanny valley

i always love being reminded of a post that i have no recollection of

finished silksong today (yes even the third act). now there's an emptiness and i don't know what game to fill it with

yes it's a new trend called "probably some high schoolers doing a school fundraiser"

nothing i like more than a movie having an eating scene with no talking, so that we can really just baste in the chewing noises