We should abolish borders so people can just kinda hang out. Shoot the breeze and all that

Moodle is better than Canvas

The Tiffany Problem must be mindblowing if you’re dumb

Broadside, captain? Aye, reckon I’ll always take a broad’s side.

I saw like 8 people online refer to the Super Bowl as a “game show”, what was up with that?

FACT: you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than look at Bluesky

One year ago today, I began the ridiculous and impossible journey of seeing every single movie ever nominated for an Academy Award. Any year, any category, winner or loser. That’s 5,182 movies. I’ve seen 225 as of this afternoon. (And about 305 throughout my life before February last year.)

One day, the automobile will be 300 years old.

“The rain follows the plow” is real by the way

Giving you a veterans discount because you plausibly could have served in the military at one point

There is a wet washcloth in my brain

I think they do it for the extra reach. Two chances to get eyes on their words instead of just one …and they want more likes

Every trait of mine appears on the listicle “top 15 signs your pet squirrel is unhealthy”

I left my Segund in El Walleto I left my Segund in El Walleto I get to got it, get get to got it

FACT: You are required to tip your teacher upon leaving the classroom

I hate getting far enough into the grocery store where it’s like “time to get serious”

Every streaming service having “+” at the end will be a decent generational callback joke in 15 years

It is 1990something and I am shrouded in the darkness of infinity, as I will not be born until 2017

Groundhogs are just tank class squirrels.

So y’all listen to groundhogs but not other rodents? 🤨 I see how it is…

I’m always sallying forth

fact checked this. squirrels weren't invented until the 1700s

Me posting in 1300s England: Ich am Steadfast ðhe ſquirél

If fame is truly a gun then pointing it blind is a violation of firearm safety

Cirroc Lofton does not appear in this episode.

the body tea of General Yen

Problematic I don’t recall what this was

right about now im the funk steady the squirrel

Living a softscrabble life

Ah-hoooooo, Lloyd’s of London

I’m going to try 2025’s most clowned-on announcement: Highguard. It’s free! What do I have to lose? My time? My time’s worth jack squat!

“Clapping like a seal”? Ask yourself why the seal’s joy has become a mark of opprobrium

Friday Night Drunken

Being a journalist is sick: I just contacted a pre-eminent jaguar conservationist in Argentine with a question that has been weighing on me for ages and he wrote back right away with an informed answer.

Brb I’m gonna deflate one of your tires and over-inflate another

Had a dream I was a human. Freaky!

Downloaded a Bible app and found out it had ads. That didn’t feel right

Had a dream I was put in jail but they didn’t have shackles small enough for me

I'm steady the squirrel

Saw a guy buying ice 🧊, like bro just go outside tomorrow ! 🥶❄️😜

To the lawyers reading my posts in discovery: you are now breathing manually and you can’t rest your tongue

Hit my step goal for today!

Back in my day, shitposters wrote their own posts! Now everything longer than 4 paragraphs is from ChatGPT.

Guy who only watches movies that are in the public domain

I saw a house with two Cybertrucks in the driveway

The movie I started watching today is *great* for this: Theodora Goes Wild With Big Naturals

Mikerwave ovvin

I’m gonna toss my cowboy hat up, yodel, and fire revolvers into the sky, as is the Texan custom. Not sure where I’ll get the revolvers. I think they just materialize.

Name ideas: -Portobello Maverick Carruthers -Adrenalina Jones -Boris Lichen -Billy Andronicus -Mary-Ann Cakebuster -Samantha Vinaigretta -Motown McGee -Schubert Darning-Pascal