I stick on a big web with my wife

With the cruel hipster witch-hunts of the 2010s long ended I can finally boast that I liked a bunch of shit before it was cool

I'm getting dealienated and reenfranchised big time

The artist I could have been has been slowly ground down by me not being very good at art

Cyst and disease letter

Honestly I'm OK with the fact that they've made a The Residents for young people and I'm not even a little annoyed that they think this is the first time playing music with a papier mâché head on has been accomplished

It's fine when I remember at 5PM that I poured myself a coffee hours earlier and I reheat it. My body only cares about when I originally meant to drink it

I'm very curious about "gas station pills". But I have to wait patiently for France's regulatory apparatus to be dismantled to try them

This is an especially rough time for us fans of stuff being seasonable

Watching Hard Target. The all-American pairing of Jean-Claude Van Damme and John Woo produces a story where New Orleans truly is a character

Is it good when a relatively new social media website works poorly for eight hours straight. I need some real MBA wisdom on this one

I'm being encased in epoxy after having been selected as "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant"

Oh yeah, I totally know that guy. I used to incur his wrath

At least the status message definitely wasn't "vibe written"

Well-beehived women. That's all I got so far

Thank you. I will be storing this information in the basement toilet of my mental palace

I could probably make the discourse worse by arguing that the lady who is really into the Amazonians who allegedly drum 5 hours a day is ableist. But I won't, thankfully

(chivalrously gesturing that you should cross the strait of Hormuz first)

Harold Bloom and Bill Withers. The circle of life

I've invented a new business concept. It's called "working smarder"

I'm putting my whole ass into sitting down cozily

(patiently, after a Swede has told me they live in Ytterby) It's pronounced I-ta-ly

In French we would say "Hindsight is 10/10" because that's how we measure visual acuity. Except that we would say it in French, and also we wouldn't say it at all because that phrase doesn't exist in our language

"Self-expression" evokes to me images of pressing oneself out of a big tube

I've paid close attention to any time I've been told, That's how they get ya. They might get me but not in any way heretofore mentioned to me

Actually Easter was originally a pagan festival, just like, you guessed it, Cyber Monday

Ancient Ambien conspiracy theory

Obviously not clicking on it but laughing heartily at the video title "Cirque Du Soleil Drummer Hears The Smashing Pumpkins For The First Time"

Okay one more Most Dangerous Game and I think I'm good for the next 5-10 years. But just one more couldn't hurt

Millenary cringe

I believe with means of electronic entertainment that are waterproof enough we can eliminate shower thoughts altogether

I'm made my peace with the "juice" metaphor of inexpressible competence and charisma. I can sort of imagine a Cole Porter song about the people who got it and the people who don't if I strain myself

I've just experienced 101 false awakenings, which is very ho-hum to me

You know the dog that bit you? I just pulled off one of its hairs. Yw

Much like the Moirai of myth, Adobe Indesign clings unyieldingly to a single thread of my CPU

Making a sincere, impassioned argument that's stupid as fuck then pivoting to a smirking provocateur persona when you get pushback is an Internet classic, and for good reason

There's a set of experiments used to study the neural correlates of social exclusion named "Cyberball" and they are a LOT more boring than you'd imagine

"Hey, this literature isn't avant-garde at all!" I exclaim. But the crafty bourgeois realism bookseller has already disappeared in the crowd

They should give me some sort of medal for continuing to exercise because I love being slack and I HATE being taut

I don't think that's right

Me: Hello, begetters My begetters (in unison): Fruit of our loins!

Grave good registry link dropped in group chat

Honestly impressed by the way the longevity freaks have found a new form of the terror of mortality by wondering if they're going to miss the “longevity escape velocity”, i.e., if they're like 5 years too old to become immortal

Web point O

I find the usage of “social contract” to mean basic politeness both inaccurate and verbose. Mallard Fillmore voice I forgot to tell a joke

(mournfully) Met of Verse

Several trillion dollars have been expended chasing the age-old dream of a computer that says, “Thank you, (your name)... I finally understand what you humans call love...”

Ella McCay fever has successfully been fought off by the nation's immune system