Honestly impressed by the way the longevity freaks have found a new form of the terror of mortality by wondering if they're going to miss the “longevity escape velocity”, i.e., if they're like 5 years too old to become immortal

Web point O

I find the usage of “social contract” to mean basic politeness both inaccurate and verbose. Mallard Fillmore voice I forgot to tell a joke

(mournfully) Met of Verse

Several trillion dollars have been expended chasing the age-old dream of a computer that says, “Thank you, (your name)... I finally understand what you humans call love...”

Ella McCay fever has successfully been fought off by the nation's immune system

What's the most reactionary opinion you hold? No. Don't tell me. Reflect silently and try to seize your slim chance at edification

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Not to defend physiognomy but it does go a little hard when someone in a 19th c novel goes, I could see by her broad forehead, wide-set eyes and prominent chin that she had been blessed with great will and intelligence

If anything I write on here fails to be funny or interesting please keep in mind English is my second language and it's probably my birthday

lol

I'm entering the vernacular

I wonder how creative people see the world... I bet instead of the flower my dull mind beholds they're looking at some truly wacky shit

Prayin' at the pump

In the UK they call it consternation at the petrol station

The Woke Gungan

Idly thinking of spoonerisms for "bag fumble" before stopping dead in my tracks as I realize the danger therein

The Bigfoot footage where he's kinda doing the Keep On Trucking walk being in the public domain is an all-timer of a bag fumble

"The Mitch is back" -- what I'd say jocularly if I had a friend called Mitch who came back from a trip

(pointing to my trough) Check out what showed up in my feed

I'm listening to the Death From Above 1979 song where one of the Death From Above 1979 lads whispers "les résultats sont super sexuels" and it's impressing upon me that music is very stupid

In case you were wondering Le Monde calls Pokopia "an ode to the franchise's most graceless creature"

We Live In the Perpetual “Now” vs. I Haven’t Realised How Dated All My Shit Is

Walt Whitman Gashna gro-Mogduk 🤝 Song of the Broad-Axe

Wondering what's the animal with the smallest brain that can experience longing. I can see snakes doing it

Obviously a culture of art preservation is a net good but there must have been a great thrill to being the guy who decided, let's burn all this old film. Let's paint over this fresco. We need room for the new stuff

I would say by far the more common problem for me is people who are ready for that conversation

Having an outlet to post funny names online would have totally depleted Dickens's creative drive. He'd have written zero novels

Back to the draw and bored

Shopkeeper? How topical is that unguent

(insufferably) Whither this stuff?

My review of the gay BDSM romcom with one of the Skarsgårds and the English actor whose eyes are really close together: couldn't concentrate, his eyes were too near one another

(with crude oil smeared all around my mouth) Nuh-uh, I dunno where the strategic reserve is

Teenager (reading a self-serious, paragraph-length treatment of the gen-X hose-drinking anecdote, but about stuff that was relevant for five years in the nineties): Wow, mister, I was wrong about you! You're cool!

Stop calling it a comeback. I'm still gone

H474 Eminent folklorist tests wife's patience.

I love having to use ffmpeg to convert a video to a format Whatsapp for desktop accepts, something the average user is surely able and willing to do

They should make something else that's as physically and emotionally rewarding as feeling your cat's warm little toe pads on your skin

This is my manserpent, Jeeves

Homie sapient

Thinking once again about the vast amount of money Grumpy Cat's owners extracted from the unprepossessing creature that they had initially named, no matter how much they protested afterward, "Retard"

Being hit with a sport utility vehicle would kill a Victorian child

Huh

Just entranced by a Reddit post where a snake owner who had bought a sausage for their snake (!) from a brand of reptile-specific sausages (!?) started worrying after noticing, once the snake had already swallowed it, that it was twice the animal's own diameter

(I don't own a television voice) I have no saved pictures of celebrities

Very tall goth on line B of the RER at roughly 1PM today: I'm sorry for making more than the customary .1 second of eye contact when we passed by Cité Universitaire. Also please teach me how to become hot

il est Huell Babineaux dans "Breaking Bad".

(upon hearing that club would have me as a member) I would love to join. And thankfully I can

Everyone on this staircase can tell I'm having mondo l'esprit de l'escalier