I will never trust him in a position of power but admittedly he’s a good salesman, and it’s good to have a few on the team

Bsky needs an official “dad” who can come in and say “enough! It’s a nazi tattoo, END OF STORY” and then we go back to talking about interesting things

Craziest part is that I historically do NOT enjoy talking on the telephone

She let me hit it because the blasted thing wasn’t working

You can tell the accounts the Mayor really holds close, they’re the ones I post at with things like “fuck YOU, man” or “I’m gonna pound you into greasepaint, fuckface” etc

I don’t make “house music,” I make home music

Well I’m an oyster farmer and I’m here to say I have learned that Nazi tattoos are not okay

I just made a wrestle chat please join if you want to chat wrestle I will try and add people as I think of them too

In my experience, nothing turns people on like going out of your way to be as unfuckable as possible

the opposite of "fromsoft" is "to hard". which interesting because that's what their games are

he should have followed with “sometimes, the only way to catch a killer….is to become the killer himself“ and then someone plays a music stinger

It’s official - Israel Loves Mamdani!

The Rocketeer (1991) Director: Joe Johnston

What acquiesces to every dumb idea Trump has and hangs to the left? Mike's Johnson

On further consideration I will agree to sign up for “chud chat”

oh this is fucking brilliant, imagine the commercials now AMERICAN BEEF - Costs $10, but Worth At Least $20!

love this new feature

A good way to get blocked alongside all your friends is to ever try adding me to a group chat

Pokémon Go Ahead With Aerial Bombardment!

I do think it’s kinda funny that AEW Collision was largely created to be the show that Punk was overseeing and steering and it was only after he fucked off that it became one of the most consistently great parts of the weekly tv wrestling lineup

Birth rates? Get a life you dumb asshole

“To the long suffering people of Tribeca - rise up! Your freedom is within reach!”

My sense of gender identity is deeply tied to these cartoon lesbian rocks

The main thing I think he's famous for is this typo

NBA is rigged! when Spurs had 29 point lead the game should have been immediately stopped and Spurs declared winner. Instead officials decides to play "4th quarter?" and Knicks "somehow" score enough baskets to win. Fraud!

All you really need is just one anchor to say “okay so then why don’t you want to do that”

"download the ft Lauderdale airport app!" No thank you

You see, you’re only criticizing this candidate because you’ve either been co-opted by capital institutions or you are fearful of his “big chad” sexual energy

Look, all I know is if you rock pubic hair i‘m gonna spend part of the day thinking about sniffing It and that’s just how it is

we sippin big squidward fuck u talm bout boi

Congrats on the historic comeback bro, I spent four hours talking to a real baddie but your thing is cool too

“There’s fucking, and then there’s slappin’ flaps™️”

workers collective of the travelling pants

I just spent four minutes on a call trying to explain what scotch mints were before I thought to send a picture

Girl I gonna sniff you like a caveman

The Doors is an anagram of The Odors because they fuckin stink

The older I get the more I appreciate all those 1950s songs of three chord western rock thats normal and the chorus turns into the singer screaming hard enough to break up the mic

One of my favorite things on earth whenever im watching a movie and the MGM logo appears and the lion roars I jump in fright, adopt a 1930s reporter voice and loudly shout “I didn’t realize this was gonna be a HORRA movie!”

There’s about two dozen people that I’m constantly tempted to DM a simple “I know who you are and I’m not stupid, bro/sis”

Then: “Email My Heart” Now: “Cold Lamp This Pussy”

At a party impressing the room like “yeah, I learned informed consent from Steven Universe”

R u doing a bit or transitioning into a sexy bitch

The idea of emergent slang is lovely to me, like waking up and being like “I’m gonna call my toaster a shockknocker” and then your friends show up and you keep calling your toaster a shockknocker and then they’re like “well Judith keeps saying it so I guess we have to too”

Liberals love to talk about republicans being “brainwashed by media” as if a few SNL guest stars didn’t convince their whole coterie that Robert Mueller was springing the trap any moment now

🎶 DOWN BY YOUR FEET THERE IS VIOLENCE BY LITTLE GUYS WITH KNIVES FLAMES AND GUNS NO PLACE TO RUN FROM THE PUPPETS BUT YOU CANT BLAME IT ALL ON TOULON, OH NO 🎶

Say what you will about Shawn spears but he really changed the way we thought about having numerous gimmicks that seemed like they may have gotten over but didn’t

Secretariat, hands down Also I was at a charity softball tournament and Satchel Page showed up, turns out he was just in the neighborhood and wanted to see what all the commotion was

reading the name “Bill Nighy” always makes me think someone tried to write ”Bill Dinghy” but the sentence exploded

”he strikes more nerves than a dentist on benzedrine! but seriously folks there’s a dang Cheeto”