he's not building a ballroom, he's building a tomb. when he dies he'll be displayed there like Vladimir Lenin, his grotesque corpse preserved as a monument to himself, forever adjoined to the most powerful and important structure in our nation like an inoperable tumor

imagine how many people would have stayed for dessert if he was actually shot

this is worse than Trump dressing as Jesus. This piece of shit harassed a woman into suicide leaving her child without a mother and he's playing the "God's plan" card. Really? So God MADE you do it as part of some divine purpose us mortals just can't comprehend. Seriously, fuck these evangelicals.

resignation or diaper change?

watching the Melania Trump press conference like...

Lindsey Graham to celebrate historic Iran ceasefire by going to Knotts Berry Farm by himself and wandering around slowly eating a frozen banana while making eye contact with children until he's politely asked to leave

lets hope tonights nuclear armageddon teaches every 13-year old sex trafficked girl to NEVER bite a customers penis

if Obama said "praise be to Allah" on Easter Sunday Republicans would lose their...oh who are we kidding, if Obama ate a fucking pita bread sandwich on Arbor Day Republicans would lose their shit

Pam Bondi leaves her government job protecting pedophiles to spend more time as a private citizen protecting pedophiles

TRANSLATION: "I built a bunch of casinos I guaranteed were going to turn Atlantic City into paradise then bankrupted them all because I have no idea what I'm doing so now I'm gonna cash out and walk away and leave you all to deal with the disaster I created fuck you."

John Waters is right. It was shocking to see Divine eat dog shit once but watching Republicans eat Trump's loaded diaper every day gets boring after awhile

last words of Neidermeyer from Animal House right before he was killed by his own troops

on this day 41 years ago four students at Shermer High School pulled off the most elaborate practical joke on the quiet goth girl

does this mean Erika Kirk won't be shooting bottle rockets out of her twat at his funeral?

the REAL Banksy would have made the hunt for his identity lead to Shelly Miscavige

just when I thought things couldn't get any worse my neighbor is out on his deck setting up a DJ booth

the Commander in Chief of the most powerful navy ever assembled is begging other nations to send ships to help open the Strait of Hormuz, which is barely 25 miles wide. This feels very 300 except instead of diamonds and gold chains our Xerxes is adorned in Filet O Fish wrappers and an adult diaper

I miss when politicians were good at lying

Trump is being criticized for not flying White House flag at half mast to honor solders killed in Iran but in his defense it's not like any of them were podcasters

the swagger of these mediocre do-nothing zilches is staggering. The photo has all the bravado of a rich dentist who flies to Africa, pays a guide to find some old elephant at a watering hole, blows its brains out, then poses with it triumphantly like they heroically took it down

No longer financially attractive? Clearly Netflix hasn't read my Porky's reboot trilogy I just pitched at Warner Bros.

in case anyone else found it odd all Trump did during his State of the Union was award medals

just occurred to me what Prince Andrew is staring at

out of respect for royal tradition I hope when they hang Prince Andrew in his cell they use a Windsor knot

Trump once sued Bill Maher for comparing him an orangutan so Ted Lieu giving daily press conferences calling Trump a child fucker is certainly going to be sued into oblivion. Oh, what's that thing Ted is allowed if Trump sues him? "Discovery?" OK, never mind.

just a hopeless romantic looking to spend Valentines Day with an Ivy League woman into classy cinema, soft music, the calming feel of ocean waves, and sunsets.

"Why are you protecting pedophiles?" PAM BONDI:

See what happens when you eliminate DEI, trans, political correct wokeness and instead focus on excellence? The most successful pedophile ring in the world!!!

Bad Bunny gave his Grammy to Liam Ramos though I thought the most emotional moment of the night was when Kid Rock brought Erica Kirk up on stage and gave her herpes

it's Cinemax After Dark night at the New Beverly Cinema. www.instagram.com/mattoswaltva/

I grew up on the Washington Post, especially the sports section. Shirley Povich, Michael Wilbon, Sally Jenkins, Tony Kornheiser. All gone. Though if Jeff Bezos was forced to end 150 years of journalism in order to give the gift of the Melania documentary to the world, it was worth it.

Ed Gein: "It's not a crime to make furniture."

maybe if Trump raped children while wearing a tan suit MAGA might care

more details have been released about the guy who sprayed Ilhan Omar with apple cider vinegar last night than the guy who tried to assassinate Trump over a year ago.

Melania reviews are out

Happy Birthday to my brother who has won more Grammys than The Who, Guns N Roses, The Doors, Queen, Rush, The Velvet Underground, Diana Ross, The Beach Boys, Kiss, Janis Joplin, Depeche Mode, ABBA, Deep Purple, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Jimi Hendrix, Kiss, Bob Marley, and Chuck Berry combined

Greg Bovino has left ICE to spend more time playing a Zoltar machine

I've meticulously analyzed the ICE shooting in Minnesota frame by frame and have reached the conclusion that only 2% of the Epstein files have been released and Trump is mentioned over 1500 times.

if you're trying to impress Jodie Foster now's the time

This is a rehearsal for the midterms. Expect Trump's ICE Gestapo to pick fights and randomly shoot voters waiting in line in blue states to give them the excuse they need to shut down polling places.

no matter how hard Greg Bovino tries to exude rugged masculinity he always comes off like Don Knotts in a Portlandia sketch

when he finally does die they'll hide it from the public long enough for everyone around him to cut immunity deals

for anyone wondering why after months of threats Trump negotiated the exact same deal with Greenland that's been in place for years thereby accomplishing nothing, when his father Fred Trump had dementia they built a fake office where he'd go every day and sign blank contracts for pretend deals

rewatching I, Claudius and you gotta hand it to the Roman's, they knew exactly how to handle a demented old tyrant who's lived too long

quick someone award Jeffrey Epstein a Greatest Pedophile Ever medal and Trump will get so jealous he'll release the Epstein Files just to prove he deserves it more

so all it's gonna take to stop Trump from going to war with Canada is for Glass Tiger to give him their Juno Award?

somewhere in the vast ocean a fish is just swimming along completely unaware it'll soon be caught, filleted, breaded, deep fried, topped with tarter sauce and cheese, shoved in a bun, devoured, release the exact dose of cholesterol needed to stop a heartbeat, and save humanity from ruin

damn, they even put some underage girls next to him and he STILL couldn't stay awake

1933 - Reichstag Fire 2026 - suburban mom driving Honda Pilot 3MPH

I hate Minnesota Nazis, too