some evil ass billionaire somewhere is wondering how to extract value every time you nap

love it how they tried a bunch of nuts and were finally like “actually it taste better if we extract milk from oat”

sensing the clit in infrared via my snakelike pit organ

eating pussy like a prey animal

i’m like if a typo was a person

eating pussy with my eyes open to maintain tactical awareness

let’s start calling sweatpants, pajama pants, and any other non-constricting soft pants “boneless pants”

some bitch showed up to my friend’s baby shower pregnant, like does it always have to be about you Jessica???

white house announces plans to break ground on a brand new sarlaac pit

your honor, what's the wifi

Succubus is short for Suck Ur Bussy

still unsure why we have a light soy sauce and a dark soy sauce

i’d be so pissed about my 401k if i got raptured

i have lowered the bar, pray i do not lower it further

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they should invent a potato peeler you can find

i don’t know what to put here. i just needed to poste.

Brie sounds like a beautiful name for a baby cheese

these days i only find time for myself at relativistic speeds

The Oscar goes to James and his hole.

real alpha males live outside in a big hole they dug

[movie trailer voice] in a world where four donuts cost eleven dollars and social interaction is painful this fall james presents Digging a Random Hole In The Back Yard For Fun And To See How Deep I Can Make It

bird swirl

i love fall, the smells, the tastes, the weather. i'm going to celebrate with a tank of pumpkin spice gasoline.

IT'S ABOUT TIME

it’s called a groin because ball pit was already taken

swemt pants

Would you all still love me if I sounded like a cheese grater when I hiccuped?

Do you want to come over and watch me shed my skin like a snake

this was a little later and a different set of flowers

My hips don't lie but my pancreas has been arrested for fraud

might as well replace the $1 bill with a $7 bill at this point

i scream you scream we all scream repeatedly forever

i haven't been razzled or dazzled in quite some time

i don’t think we should let babies be like that

big sandwich, save me. save me, big sandwich

i haven’t been razzle dazzled in such a long time what a shame

for some reason i’ve always had an appetite for ham radio

I did two of them.

her breasts were shapely, holding their form perfectly no matter gravity’s request. their patina unlikely to budge under anything but the intensity of a commercial pressure washer. her arms, missing, she begged to be held, contrary to the museum security guards watchful eye.

i eat a flintstone vitamin every morning because i take being an organ donor very seriously

echoes are so embarrassing like yeah that’s what i just said

my star wars name would be ham solo because i can eat an entire ham solo

her breasts were dense and musky, like a trashbag full of wet leaves

lofi beats to ignore the slow motion apocalypse to

Are jokes about La Croix truly tasteless?

PAUL SIMON: there must be fifty ways to leave your lover ME: brother, you only said five

when airbud changes all those tires in record speed i really loved that

this post is misinformation

wake up babe they finally invented ranch in a spray can