Tfw you know you’re not getting in the club

did u know after gang initiation they’re known as haardvarks

i don't want to experience the next great evolution of immersive worldbuilding i want to be dunked in a bog

Zohran is already making Regular People's lives harder...

BOUNCER: ain’t no way you’re sneaking that thing past me buddy EMIL ERLENMEYER: fuck!!!

2026, january, wednesday, and the color orange have the same energy

they got us all to stop smoking, and for what?

New björk city

new jort city

that's right, baby, i'm jorkin' heeaaahhh

new jork swing

new jork yankees 😂

new jork city

interesting that lack of regulation and anti-woke ideology keeps resulting in pedophiles

camera app that cryptographically signs images and videos to prevent tampering when

the irony of star wars is that stars don't give a shit about war

they got us all to stop smoking, and for what?

guy who pronounces ".png" as "dot pinge"

i’m getting word that some people’s asses can cash checks? how can this be

Sure, I could “work on myself.” Or I could fake my own death and start a new life at sea

"engage your core" what am I, a nuclear power plant? The earth? Do I look like an apple to you?

i don’t want to brag but henry viii would have 💯 beheaded me too

i would have been the biggest whore at court. go big or go beheaded or something

[being buttered] me: what the hell murderer: (apologetic) you know what i brought the wrong frickin knife

weeder i love you but you're being a stupid bitch

2026 could be great. We simply don't know.

rebranding self-loathing to james-loathing to make it more accessible to others

The Little Engine That Fucks

happy new year. time isn’t real.

Cause of death: low amount of likes and reposts

[travis comma bitch voice]: i’ll just floss next year

my 2026 resolution is to destroy Jerry Chen

<dog with a stomach ache> I should eat a blanket !!!

Checked my calendar for tomorrow and unfortunately there is a day there

for my final act of 2025 I will make a severe amount of lasagna

imagine discovering you’re already dead when the motion light in the corporate bathroom doesn’t trigger

people on reddit will really be like: does anyone else miss being a low-entropy cloud of ionized gas awaiting gravitational collapse?

Ah the familiar nye panic of not wanting to go anywhere and feeling guilty / trying to convince myself to go out and feeling anxious

jesus james

ME: [donates body to science] SCIENCE: [donates me to goodwill]

Pro tip: Turn off all your recurring subscriptions. Walk toward the horizon.

do u think nipples have something to do with energy fields

for sale: pear tree. partridge died

Instead of luxury apartment inside of abandoned 20th century textile mill, luxury apartment inside of abandoned 21st century datacenter.

ME: haha yesssss i will finally defeat procrastination paralysis today WORK LAPTOP: ur computer will reboot in 5 minutes for mandatory updates at 9:22 am fuck u

i invented lying

as an angler my favorite genre of music is drum & bass

vacillating between no worries and many worries

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store