six feet of earth? over my dead body

the sexual tension between me and the send reply button

it puts the wegovy under its skin or else it gets the rolls again

relative to recent events, henceforth they will simply be known as Clown Posse

people can’t even afford to gas each other up anymore

You're every bit as beautiful as you ever were [derogatory]

freeze ur pepperoni for a delicious treat

grown ass man "downloading an app" we are so cooked

As an adult who is somehow only permitted to pay for electricity using Chuck E Cheese tokens, I find this post highly inappropriate and you should delete it.

sometimes I forget I’m an adult with adult money and I’ll treat myself to uninterrupted electrical service for a whole month

THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR ONLINE ENGAGEMENT

babe will u pick up some butter extract from the store but make sure its the non-gmo

I’m on Bluesky bc of the teats n’ peens

eating lunch doggy style (microwaving some hot dogs)

HER: why did you think that’s what i wanted for dinner? ME: let’s just say i had a cinnamon toast hunch HER: i want to break up

it’s almost that time of year when I switch to my boobs avi

water balloons are a type of sausage

Wondering if anyone has tried sticking a genital in one of those pneumatic tubes at the bank

I can't do psychedelics dude sometimes I get freaked out by a font

learning about sex the hard way (textbook instead of an LLM)

[world without bees] TEACHER: okay class who knows the 25 letters of the alphaet

i just want a massage therapist who'll hurt me as much as my dad

Gerbil Garcia

ME, trying on a bike helmet: does it look stupid? SALESPERSON: I mean, it's a bike helmet

A two foot bong named Vlad the Inhaler.

life is a roller coaster in that it costs a ridiculous amount of money to even have the opportunity to ride

yeah well james is short for jamesbil in most cases. doesn't feel so good, does it

mfw I order a Croissan'wich from Burger King

jerry is short for gerbil in most cases

asking the group chat to meet me for lunch but only providing latitude and longitude

they should invent a cereal bowl that doesn’t crush your skull in the event of an airbag deployment

this is my emotional support bowl of cereal

a pussy is a type of sandwich send skeet

ur tellin me this cloth is made of cheese?

elephant in first rule the room of fight club 🤝

so uhhh, is the elephant in the room with us rn

pronouncing nutella with a spanish ll

shield maiden of the crystal ✨🔮🗡️

peeling a hot dog like a banana

Kinda crazy that artificial intelligence needs the entire output of a nuclear reactor but actual intelligence can run on Twix bars and cocaine, for example.

Must. Re. Post.

case of the mondays? i’d rather have a ques a dilla

is margarine really that much worse or did we all fall for a smear campaign

guy who takes daddy kink too far and never shows up

i have no brain and i must post

me, personally? I like to say stupid things on the internet to my imaginary friends

you can find me at the antiques sniffing the film cameras