ok I will take over Doctor Who. from now on the Doctor is cajun and they have a knife they're always licking but it's still a british actor so their version of how a cajun accent might sound will be extra insane

i hope the boys who are getting more stupider don't try to jump it

if I was an actors in one of those "they didn't know (x thing in scene) was going to happen so their reaction was genuine" anecdotes i'd be like why did you trick me. reacting genuinely to stuff you already know is going to happen is kind of a main thing for actors to do at their jobs

sorry to this good, cute dog but if Scooby Doo is going to be live action he should be a huge puppet

remake of Bedknobs and Broomsticks that's exactly the same except the scene at the end with the enchanted suits of armor fighting the nazis is one hundred times more violent

you're not a real New Yorker unless you eat the bitter, iridescent fruit that grows under the benches at Chambers St station

I liked New Scrubs but I do feel like there should have been about 5 weird Scrubs TV movies around 2015 between this and the original that take place in the now heretical Med School continuity and have a totally different Carla

One of the moments my best friend and I realized we were best friends was when we were wandering around goofing off and realized we could both sing Giles' song from the Buffy musical from memory, RIP to one of the best guys to ever radiate Actually You Have a Dad Now And It's Me beams through the TV

It's cold comfort but I like that all the new nazis gotta hang out with guys whose gateway into being a nazi is that the character designs of various cartoon characters were changed in ways that made them harder to masturbate to and they gotta know that in all the ways that matter they are the same

There should be more characters like the Reverse Flash. The Reverse Don Draper. The Reverse Anton Chigurh. The Reverse The Nanny.

God damn it I won another fucking Peabody award

fantasizing about having a life you can kind of just show up to

A nostalgia compilation of commercials in 20 years where each one is just the 15 seconds before you could hit skip ad

saw a mother and her young son in matching leather dusters

alternate reality where they cast a different kid as Nog in DS9 and by season 6 hes fuckin massive, Worf's gotta crane his neck up to make eye contact

one of the great miracles of life online that I wish for all of you is when you see somebody complaining about an inescapable and exhausting Discourse that you have fully never heard of. Like watching a rabid dog run right past you

saw a kid with the most Brooklyn parent coded toy I've ever seen (stuffed pig with two full rows of nipples)

what's the point of having a car. they can't even combine with other cars

this fallen world has one chance for redemption

temporary tattoos for ritual scarring

This really got me

fucked up to have a two continent planet with a little pearl onion Australia. Earth #1 baby!!!!

there's an MGM+ show where Rupert Grint puts people in real Saw traps. You have no possible way of proving me wrong

for some reason this is giving me the energy of when Woody Allen insisted he didn't know how to send an email and then the Epstein emails came out and guess whose Mr. Email. Guess who fucking loves email with all of his heart

New article on Muppet Wiki! (ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴇɴᴀʙʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀᴅ-ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴇʀ)

The Muppets. I want to put their hands in my mouth

debate is the sport of the intellectual, the thinking man’s athletics, but the only way to win if your back is up against the wall is shouting ‘don’t yuck my yum!’ at the top of your lungs til your opponent submits

getting to the point in rewatching original Scrubs where Scrubs starts to get sort of bored and resentful of being Scrubs, excited to get to the part where it falls back in love with being Scrubs again

the CEO of Nabisco has announced that owing to the popularity of Oreos, which contain chocolate, which is poisonous to dogs, they are moving away from cookies to just selling huge jars of dog poison

They should have done a Fresh Prince vs. the Nanny TV movie where they get involved in an escalating series of pranks against each other but eventually team up to defeat their common enemy, an evil real estate developer played by Robert Loggia

I love the bit about ok sure everyone there thought what she said was hilarious and awesome but what about the people who wish to crush all workers into a delicious, nutrient rich paste? did she even stop to think how they would take it?!

I'm a triple threat: tall, agile, and somewhere inside your house

a culture where the burial tradition is they chop people up and toss the bits out a window and if a bit lands on you it's a specific omen based on which bit you got

If America was good at any of the shit we say we are we'd have invented tooth condoms for when you is eating candy by now.

people are always telling me I can't kill God because he's tall and rich or whatever but he's hardly left me any other choice

If you need to prove you can read for whatever reason, feel free to read this aloud to anyone you like open.substack.com/pub/hannahkr...

I didn't love getting clobbered in the chest with an empty stroller that a lady was using like a machete cutting through thick jungle vines coming down the stairs at the subway station but I admire the cunning of it. nobody was going to clock the lady with a stroller as a Clobbering Maniac

imagining a person with a life altering sexual obsession with Mr. Beast

RIP to Kenji Ohba, a stuntman so dynamic they were like okay you gotta be *in* the show. Maybe you need your own show. Maybe you need your own show where you ride horses and have a flying motorcycle that takes you into a nightmare dimension and you're always wearing white jeans and you got a dragon

RIP to Ted Turner but also I assume he died 15 years ago so congrats to him on all the bonus time, and also I guess jeers on whatever bad stuff he probably did, and while I'm at it shout out to Polar Seltzer that stuffs great

The 1,000,000 Dollar Bluesky Post

matrix prequel movie about morpheus' theatre kid ass preparing and practicing all his little speeches and deciding on the colors of the pills and coming up with the tutorial dialogue for the jump thing and programming the dramatic lighting to hit exactly as he says "desert of the real and whatnot

it's so funny to be incredibly old and sickly and insist on getting a big fake tan. you finally look normal you addressed the one problem that was going on and nobody's afraid of you or thinks you look like if peanut butter was a guy who was dying

not watching this (lack of interest) but let me know if it has the part where he wrestles my friend Matt Grote and defeats him but then says "you're getting stronger..." and then later that day buys a knife made out of ore from a comet. to me this is the most cinematic part of his life

making dance music under the name Prodigious Liquid

with no data whatsoever I think sometimes when lizards see another lizard's shed skin they get scared because they think it's a ghost

The theme at the Met Gala was, for the third year in a row, beastiality