the core of christian doctrine is to multiply the loads and snitches

when jesus was a kid his mum had to do way too much laundry and washing up. because he multiplied the loads and the dishes

inspired obviously by this tumblr classic

[Wessex, 1025 CE] BROTHER CAROLUS MARCUS: Hwaet! Ye goede Lord hath inspired in me full many notions in wise of distribution of groats 'twixt thegn and fyrd AELFRIC OF BEORMINGAHAM: [drawing sword] SHUT YON FUCKETH MOUTH

i put some kind of stupid expensive honey and rose scented hair oil on and it smells so good i don't want to wash my hair ever again

shonen rival entering career in gay porn: [walks by gloryhole] i see... so he sucks cock THAT way, huh... maybe the legends ARE true...

TOXX CLAUSE TOXX CLAUSE

Actually this is my tenth rodeo I just refuse to learn new things

husband told me brianna wu melted down and i seem to be blocked by her. i must be on a cool list

as much as i hate to beg, with the gov shutdown, SNAP not coming through, and other bullshit... i've made a fund thingy. please, anything helps honestly. gofund.me/049e0e70f

went into the new mecca shop and came out smelling of fifty different excellent perfumes that work together to create a powerful bioweapon

damn why is Damon Albarn in this bsky.app/profile/list...

What if it’s between John Wayne Gacy and Donald Trump. What then. What if it’s between The Riddler and Donald Trump. What if it’s between Plankton from SpongeBob SquarePants and Donald Trump

Hi, we're Silicon Valley- you probably recognize us from classic inventions like 'Chatbot That Drives You Crazy', 'The App That Gives You An Eating Disorder', 'A Bus, Except Worse', and 'Doorbell That Reports Directly to the NSA'

endometriosis question: i last had a laproscopic laser surgery in 2009, is 15 years enough time to ask them to do it again or will they just yank my entire guts out because at 40 whats the point. also general question for period havers: does stress make your cramps more painful?

The year is 2035. I'm at an ironic* funeral and the DJ is bumping the UhKnown and BubbleYum remix of "No One Asked For This Booty", a very light guitar ballad by Pinchin Poochie at the reception. I try to wax nostalgic about Eminem, who died of hemorrhoid hoarding three years prior, to a kid

The Bringing Kindness to Kids Secret Santa is up and running again this year, $20 = a gift for one kid who otherwise would not have one at all. If you can help bring a smile to one or a few faces we'd be so grateful, Foxy xxx

freddy (not that freddy) vs jason (different jason)

if you kill a clown, that's how you'll die. so try to be nice

i heard hell house lineage is really bad so i'm about to watch it. let's go

it's 2029. my nieces and nephews are grown and dancing at their weddings to songs like Sex Fuck with their bare butts exposed and i'm asking the DJ if he's got any rihanna. you know in my day she was quite racy

brandon lee got shot so heath ledger could OD

watching the crow 1994 with husband. every twenty seconds i say "that's so fucking cool" dude we're only 37 minutes in i have to calm down

i haven't been posting much because my mental health has gone to absolute shit sorry everyone i will make up my horror story readings at another time. bright side is, i feel very spooky (like the absolute most piece of shit living dead) lol happy hapowen

absolute chills

it's halloween and i'm not in a costume. don't know what to do about this

A feature every social media should have is a button where you can pin the panel of Ray Gets Sort of Stoned that best describes how high you are so everyone knows What Your Deal Is right now

trump on truth social after getting Skinamarinked: The Radical Communist democrat party are TAKING Away our beautiful doors and giving the American people TERRIBLE CARTOONS on the shortest loops we've EVER SEEN but I told their EVIL toy phone NO MORE and have now been given a big BEAUTIFUL toilet

its just how she likes to sit

HELLO SIDNEY. DO U CONDEMN THE ACTIONS OF HAMAS

prince andrew - sorry, mister andrew - has forfeited the duchy of york to me as foretold in the prophecy. when i stopped claiming to be the duchess of york on twitter i went on to pretend to the throne of France, causing both current pretenders to block me. maybe he can do that next

i've been the monkey anxiety bitch for TEN YEARS

Whānau 🥹🥹🥹 @jon-snow-420 😭😭😭

we just watched dracula a love tale and. okay. really glad i didn't see it in the cinema because we couldn't stop laughing

i’m a character in the john wick universe named “The Chef” who is dressed like a regular chef except i have the morpheus glasses. i have a chef’s hat that shoots a rocket out the end but I have to lower my head to aim it. other than that i have a gun

I always wondered why France had so many heists but if you can still just put a ladder up to a window on the Louvre in the year 2025 and get away with a big bag full of priceless jewels I guess that solves the mystery

Wtf those bugs have really weird heads. I don't actually like this very much.

There should be a bug that has a weird head

tragic to hear prince Andrew has stolen the french crown jewels. they will look like shit on him

checking out what we know about the Australian version of Ghosts and there aren't any Aboriginal ghosts. i hope Aboriginal is still the right word, it was the right word last time i was out in the world

remember all the cringe adults when we were teens who used our slang wrong. now that i’m 30 or 40 years old, i have learned that using teen slang wrong is very fun. has a certain rizzliness to it, if you will

when was the last time you were horrified to hear your self use gen z slang unironically. the other day i said "it's giving"

honestly most weapons formed against me will prosper. hammer? that’s gonna get my ass real easy

To make up for how Power Rangers is an old Japanese show they filmed additional scenes with Americans for we should do the opposite and make the casts of Law & Order SVU and Grey’s Anatomy stop a couple times an episode to fight people in werewolf costumes

how are we going to tell them

happy third bday to this delightful weirdo

more and more people are seeing this man in their dreams at night

"A mirror can make a room look bigger.." yeah, if you're a total dumbass

In my opinion it’s time to retire the Nobel prizes for fields where most of the important discoveries have already been made, like physics, and add prizes for newer fields where substantial innovations occur every year, like speedrunning