I wonder if George Bush Sr ever felt frustrated that he did everything he could to also be included in the pantheon of Cartoonishly Evil Conservative Presidents but always gets overlooked bc he wasn't in office long enough to leave a strong impression

Sometimes I wish I was a politically and historically illiterate stupid asshole with no cognitive empathy or grasp of nuance, I feel like being American when you're a dumb piece of shit is probably a fuckin blast

overheard a news story about how fun & cool it is that line dancing is making a comeback and just as I'm muttering "Yeah that makes sense these days, as a dance popularized by Henry Ford to counteract the (((influence))) of Jazz" The anchor goes "I do love Cotton Eye Joe haha!" & I muffled a scream

It's weird, I feel like the general rule is that you get your sense of humor from your family, but I stg if I try to share anything I find funny with mine they look at me like I went "Watch this 😏" & vomited up my entire stomach

When I cried to my mom about getting bullied as a kid, she insisted I say the "Stick and stones--" line. Literally her only advice. And every time it was like you dumb bitch. You stupid pig. You might as well be telling me you love that I'm getting bullied, you're like "How can we get more of that"

Developing Depression Era Grandpa Scarcity Mindset but specifically about hoarding disposable vapes that have 5% juice left and having it pay off in spades

I can't be the only one who feels like Trump's meeting with the generals has extremely powerful 1979 Ba'ath Party Purge vibes, right

Anybody else ever have...not recurring dreams, but recurring dream figures? Like a hostile "entity" that reskins itself each time but you instantly go "Oh this motherfucker again" when it pops up? Deeply creepy phenomenon.

Just found out about an OF creator who's pretending to be paralyzed from the waist down and creates fetish content where she drags herself around the floor in a minidress. I feel like Tommy Lee Jones at the end of No Country For Old Men

Reading about Amish meth labs. And at first its like, y'know...really? Can they do that? But yeah there's no electricity involved and chemistry isn't against the rules I think god might be ok with cooking meth in a barn, but not using telephones. Huh.

I love that Europeans dunked on us for being slovenly mountain dew drinking pigs, but then when we all got really into drinking 100oz of water a day, they went "...zis is very gay of you, I must say"

Tell your older parents you didn't know Leslie Nielsen wasn't just a comedic actor and watch them have a mental breakdown

I really do dig Erowid's commitment to the same Geocities ass looking site design since 2001 or whatever

My new favorite kind of guy are the ones who reply to fictional media discourse with "None of this real" Imagining that guy smirking as he types "Who cares if Paul Atteides is/isn't a White Savior Trope; he is not real" for their media studies midterm paper. Love it. Powerful dumb guy energy.

Anybody else feel like we're 5-10 years away from a right-wing administration deciding the solution to the inaccessibility of lethal injections is to create a bread & circus thing where death row guys have to fight tigers with a paper towel tube in an arena

It's really interesting how Nero's persecution of Christians didn't actually happen. The Romans didn't bother differentiating btwn Christians & Jews. Why would they, it was a 60 y/o Jewish cult. Plus they didn't care. They were just targeting Judeans *in general* bc of the Jewish-Roman Wars

I think maybe "Chinese Imperial Noble Consort Who's Ignored By The Emperor" might be the best job like you're not packed like sardines with the concubines, you live well, but also the Emperor doesn't give a shit about you, so you're literally just expected to do your own thing & hang out. Ideal.

Read a bunch of stories about guys dying while playing League/Minecraft/Starcraft for 72 straight hours in an internet café w/ limited water. And my biggest takeaway is that my ability to survive worse, dumber shit means I'm extremely powerful. I'm the strongest gladiator at the idiot colloseum.

Boomer liberals love telling you that you -have too much free time -need to get a life -should find some hobbies And clearly the implication is that you're chronically online, but it has the vibe of saying "Ew what kind of fuckass loser falls in a well" to the person you're trapped in a well with

It's really funny how every single bullet except young is the opposite of what 99% of online centrists and anti-communists say about everyone to their left

How do I get a fire watch job. That's all I want. That and a gun for the fire watch job. And maybe a quad. For the fire watch job. Is that really too much to ask, would you all really deny a nice lil creature like me three small things.

Saw a clip of a Parisian art installation where 200 porcelain bowls float in a pool & create music of chance by clinking together at random And I had the most overwhelming urge to be like "Mm yes I see" before wading into the water and full-power punching each bowl one by one

I like how in Heian era Japan, the nobility used snippets of poetry to communicate ideas (much like "when in Rome--") and you were seen as deeply cringe if you didn't understand the references And now we just have Dril tweets for that

pro-trans rfk jr be like “we need to get everyone drinking horse piss again”

there’s a party that will empower people in their thirties on condition they wreck the country, and a party that commands everyone to line up behind septuagenarians because it’s still their turn

I knew shaking hands has been around forever, but just learned it was popularized by the Quakers in the 17th century as a more egalitarian alternative to bowing/curtsying And somehow that turned into a business thing in the US. Which...is on brand, god I hate it here.

Now this is nuts to me, I thought the whole point of medieval rich guys joining religious orders was "You have no prospects & your family isn't trying to foot the bill for you being a second-born loser" And now it turns out it was Rich Failson Sleepaway Camp

In the middle ages when joining a nunnery was a valid plan for having fuck all prospects, could they fire you? Like if you took the vows but mostly just dicked around all day, what are they gonna do? I mean beat you probably, but they cant get rid of you right? God I wish that was still a thing

Finally watched the full Memri clip that "By Allah you people are dogs, I will go on as usual" meme is from and: holy shit He straight up warns his Shiite viewers to stop prank calling him or they "won't exist anymore" once a Sunni leader establishes an Islamic regime lmao

The difference between 17, 27 and 37 year old me's ability to simply not give a shit is so vast that it's genuinely making me excited for how indifferent to bullshit I'll be by 50

the liberal caricature of a leftist is the most cluelessly bonkers strawman shit I've ever seen Like, for sure, Marxists definitely don't corner people to infodump about Das Kapital. Those bitches HATE reading theory, blech, no thanks, only touching grass and misogyny for me please

what are these people on about man

Its funny, I'm certain medieval peasants knew they were peasants, that they never forgot that but sometimes I'll be somewhere high income and have it fully hit me in a way that it doesnt the rest of the time that, like, oh no I'm for sure a peasant

Bro I have dyscalculia, a math learning disability, I'm a grown adult who counts with their fingers, and I literally just had to clock & correct Chatgpt's bad math three times in a row Who the fuck is thinking "I can replace my doctor with this"

Figuring out that you can replace milk in coffee with salt has completely changed my life and, unfortunately, tricked me into thinking I'm a genius

The way Puritans talked about Satan is fascinating, like believing you could be taking a walk and stumble upon the tanners wife hanging out with the devil in the woods Like he's this formless, nebulous, malevolent presence but also some guy you can take a cigarette break with

I wish people got that assuming no one likes you isn't always a self-esteem issue I think I'm pretty dope, I like myself. But I don't expect anyobe else to like me bc past experience has proven that. So when someone likes me I go "What, why? Since when do you chumps get how cool I am?"

Did you guys know a guy in the 1700s once told the English public he was from an Asian island country called "Formosa" and then built an entire career off of talking about the strange customs of his home land until, like, 20yrs in, he went "Just kidding I'm French"

The devil is a ribald fellow with a jaunty cap and cloven hooves and he sells quartz pendants on his Etsy shop at midnight, I've seen it with mine own eyes, your Lordship

I know people work against their own class interests all the time and being Jewish doesn't exclude you from fascism But what kind of brain broken shit made Stephen Miller plagiarize a Goebbel's speech. He's not even trying to make a Jewish friendly version of fascism, he's JUST a regular nazi

Oh for real. You need to learn that there are just certain people who test your boundaries to see if you'll fold. Showing them "grace" is construed as weakness. Flicking a cigarette at them & saying "Fuck off" isn't mean, it's the only way to ensure they show you respect. That's ALL bullies.

I get the American aversion to comparing things to Hitler, but like, you do need to understand this administration is forming thick ur-fascism as per Eco and they're literally trying to get rid of all their enemies before people start pushing back on them, and grace does nothing for that.

"Yeah no I feel great, gonna take this 3lb bag of scavenged pennies to Coinstar and buy some TOP tobacco, how about you"

I've told people before that, while poverty is horrific, I do like how w/e I'm in it I feel sharper. Like a lean lil laser focused prowling coyote. And it turns out there's science behind that. It's basically you running on the high of survival mode & the catocholamine dump of not eating for 2 days

30 Rock was so real for that "has no one assumed you were a lesbian before" montage, I felt so seen. my lesbian pediatrician figured out I was depressed as a kid & gave me this hushed one-on-one talk about how "it'll get easier" while I sat there like "...What is this, what's happening"

Sometimes I read Charles Bukowski and like...these poems are more so proto-posts. He was just posting in an artistic format. Like I stuck my dick In the Refrigerator door Cool. Fresh. This is what Drunk nights and You Leaving Has rendered The leftover chicken The only witness Of my dignity's demise

ME: I'd feel fine killing Hitler as a baby FRIEND: how would you know its the right baby, we have like one photo of Hitlers mom & all babies look the same ME: I might be able to justify killing a few wrong babies to get the right one-- FRIEND: you're the Terminator ME: ah fuck I'm the Terminator

People really don't get what exercising with hEDS entails, like you'll look up low-impact shit for bad joints and they'll go "Sure, try a modified lunge where--" Any lunge is going to send me to the hospital. You're trying to explode my kneecaps. You don't know what tf you're talking about.

Lmao tried fucking around with chatgpt again to see how it's image editing works It consistently cannot meet a single simple request & instead changes 5 things you never asked for. Then when you point it out, its like "Thats bc I can't actually edit, only generate. Have you considered photoshop?"