Thought I'd heard all of the Diogenes stories but found a new one today about the time he walked into Plato's house and started stomping on his expensive carpets while yelling "I trample upon the vanity of Plato!". Why tf are you letting your biggest hater into your home, Plato.

Paimon, keeper of secrets and provider of good familiars. And his cousin Clovis, provider of awful familiars. Like real shoddy ones. Like a fucked up dog that pisses blood and calls you slurs.

the rabbi demands I take off my v for vendetta mask only to reveal I'm wearing joker makeup underneath before asking "what if a horse kicks a ham bone into your soup and you unknowingly drink it 😏". Everyone in the beit midrash groans at my shit.

Thinking about the time my friend described the Talmud as "The Torah's comments section filled with really annoying guys"

OH MY FUCK THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT

Bro that goes beyond McCarthyism, that's straight up the monologue the captured nazi makes at the end of Come and See

oh shit lemme see that... man i've just been using a baseball this whole time. i did manage to catch one pikachu but he's all fucked up now

It's so odd that the same people who love evopsych are the same ones who buy into extremely cynical, debunked shit like "Nobody helped Kitty Genovese bc people are intrinsically selfish" Like if you're gonna buy into evopsych, you have to accept humans are evolutionarily wired to be pro-social

Reagan ended free tuition at the California State College system, explicitly because the "wrong people" were becoming educated, that the threat to our nation was from an "over-educated working class." Now they claim college is just too expensive, so it's a "bad investment." They need us ignorant.

Ughhh bro why can't an eccentric rich guy let me be a hermit on his vast plot of land in exchange for bringing his rich friends to gawk at me every few months, why is this not a job anymore

"Oh so I guess it's illegal now to be a man who leans right" I say as I bomb my local library for acknowledging pronouns on their website

God Sam Neill was such a baddie in the 70s/80s, it's fucked up god would take such a former baddie and leave a perma-uggo like Mitch McConnell

Bug simps will look you dead in the eyes and say "noooo don't kill it, the nightmare king eats lesser nightmares, just release it outside" as if that's actually some kind of redeeming quality

I love the cycle of >artist takes creative risk >people love it >c suite guys react with "lets mass produce shoddier versions until it's a trite simulacrum, you have to play it safe, never take risks, just copy & paste what works" >fatigue sets in quickly >c suite guys can't figure out why

It's so funny that the earlier North Korean defector/propaganda mouthpiece, Shin Dong Hyuk, was met with suspicion over small discrepancies And then the US gov went "solution: lets get a lady who says they force you to eat cat turds if you sneeze in front of a photo of Kim Jong Un"

What the fuck do you mean there's a current living Duke of Anjou? What do you mean you're a member of the House of Bourbon and heir to the Navarre throne in 2026? *Navarre*? I'd kill myself. This is the most embarassing type of guy to be in the modern day.

Hey y'all, just chilling in the hospital with today's newspaper and a functioning cardiovascular system, taking photos like a hostage. No I can't FaceTime or record a video, I'm on a digital detox, would you really bully a normal living man into breaking his digital detox

The money saved on labor by using AI is immediately negated by it destroying any semblence of brand integrity Even if it's good AI (and it never is), I think "they half assed this, they don't give a fuck about it, it's just a money grab". Your product feels like a grift now, because it IS a grift

JK Rowling has used her wealth to stoke the fires of a worldwide pogrom against trans people to where she's silenced a Holocaust scholar after JK engaged in Holocaust denial & now done the same to Amnesty International for their warning about trans eradication, but keep buying your Harry Potter crap

Republicans are ostensibly the Personal Responsibility People but somehow all of them are totally free of agency and are being beleaguered by external factors making them be like that. e.g. I'm openly racist because the libs called me racist. Lindsey Fucking Graham was like that because of Trump

Dawg…

Anybody else an autodidact with large swaths of encyclopedic knowledge but also big gaps in said knowledge? And it's always the most basic shit possible? Like I can quote William Blake at you but if you ask me how many letters are in the alphabet, I'll say some shit like "between 25 and 28"

If by that you mean "He wanted to invade Iran for his entire career, but that dream shit the bed and then he died", then sure, I guess

If Lindsay Graham didn't spend his life being a vile cunt, it'd be pretty sad that he lived and died in the closet

I would give anything for a way to test dopamine levels for ADHD like checking blood sugar with diabetes Partly so I can figure how much I need to supplement but mostly so I can actually tell whether of not this can of red bull is going to make me pass the fuck out at 3pm or make me wired for 6hrs

I don't know why this broke me, but it did

You guys following the Nigel Farage vs Count Binface election? Where Farage resigned amidst a financial scandal & is running again to prove the public want him anyway, but the other parties refuse to humor the stunt so his only opponent is a novelty candidate who now has an actual shot of winning

I dunno why but I've convinced myself I'd be good at welding after I figured out how to do it. The second I get $5000 worth of supplies its over for you bitches

Sometimes I get irritated when the world forces me to acknowledge there are suburbs in Appalachia and not just rural hollows in like Kentucky & West Virginia Which makes sense because the Appalachians encompass a huge area. But I don't have to like it.

Jesus christ. Listen I went from voting in every election, including municipal elections, to being an anti-electoralism leftist. But at the same time I'm not gonna begrudge people for sucking it up to vote in the lesser evil & it feels like some 1st Year Baby Leftist shit to get mad about it

Man the late 90s/aughts were wild. I just remembered a county wide public service ad campaign in my area where billboards would say "Javier is a M̶e̶x̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ guy" to spread the idea that acknowledging someone's ethnic background is racist/being color blind is progressive

Dems love framing the most basic bare minimum ask as a wildly outrageous demand. Because turning a blind eye to the widespread slaughter of Arabs in an apartheid state, thats the truly woke move

God thats horribly relatable, I've trained people before at jobs I hate and can absolutely see myself absentmindedly shouting "uhhh yeah no you're good, you'll figure it out probably, godspeed, dude" over the roaring wind before flinging myself to my death

My mom bought a little pride flag and stuck it in one of her flower pots on her front stoop and thats nice, but the flowers she stuck them in are pansies and she doesn't get why I think its funny to say "gay ass pansies"

The haters said Graham Platner couldn't do it. And they were correct. Honestly great call from the haters.

the ongoing defense of Platner tells me that plenty of men on the left hate women more than they love their supposed principles

Losing my mind at this Murder, She Wrote promo

Speaking as just one guy who sues the government a lot: This basically does not happen. It is a transparent effort to shut down further inquiry by conceding relief. What they are seeking to cover up must be unspeakably bad.

I don’t think people need to be “crucified” for thinking Platner changed or whatever but I do think they should engage in serious self-reflection and humility, such as not referring to themselves as being “crucified”

Who was it on here that pointed out to me that Mariah Carey makes sense when you consider that NYC metro area women just start acting like that once they hit a certain tax bracket, like "I need 1000 white doves at my sons preschool graduation or we're going to have a problem" Its so painfully true

So are the number of lynchings going up recently or are people just more aware that cops are full of shit when they say a black person committed suicide when they're found hanging from a tree after trying to sue their local police dept? Because I'm hearing about a TON of lynchings

I hate it when someone starts an argument and then the second you're winning, they pivot to "lets agree to disagree". This is a pussy move that I refuse to acknowledge, I reject your request, I will only accept complete & total surrender.

Ngl it seems dumb that scientists didn't figure out pee wasn't sterile until the 2010s. I know the Louis Pasteur story, but like...you get bacterial bladder and urethra infections, clearly there's a microbiome in your urinary tract, why would pee be sterile. Am I crazy? Is that not common sense?

The British are back on their bullshit. Saw a girl say that telling her to buy an AC unit is like telling a homeless person to just buy a house. No the fuck it is not. It is not like that at all. I cannot stress how much it is not the same.

this was exactly my thought too. no fitter end

Kind of bummed Trump never followed the presidential pet tradition, though he does absolutely seem like the kind of guy who'd put down a cat for getting hair on his loveseat But still I wanna see what he'd get. What if he's an iguana guy.

Real haters don't leap. They wait and watch. They know the true reasons for hating will be Revealed

between SFPD storming the trans march on friday and bringing out a whole riot team to violently assault trans people out clubbing on saturday (ZERO articles about this), the brutality during pride weekend is unconscionable. please support everyone who was arrested. if you wanna be an ally, chip in:

It's true, its that whole Caleb Hearon bit about how he should've spent his latter years doing fashion commentary on the red carpet for E!, just calling Kristin Chenoweth a pig on live TV at the Emmys. That's his actual wheelhouse.