New year new me, so please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.

Making good on my resolution to use snout more frequently in discourse.

I don’t remember what the dream was exactly, but I think it involved Cindy Crawford and the Berlin Wall. Frodo was also there for some reason

Holding onto my dream that one day there will be something better to hope for than the worst person on earth croaking

We need Song 3 from Blur now more than ever

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

She won the Nobel Peace Prize

Throwback to my daughter answering questions in math class. It’s never not funny.

but don’t pack them in like sardines. space them out so they can flap their arms a bit

hoarding is bad unless it’s friends.

Thank fuck I didn't try to attempt dry January this year.

Why does McDonald's call it Filet-O-Fish and not a gilled cheese sandwich?

This fucking year...

I got things to ignore and people to avoid.

Too bad it's not, "I have already resolved what's broken."

Of course, Maduro is a bad man. So were Hussein, bin Laden, al-Baghdadi, and Gaddafi. All true. But we have one too. A grotesque parody of leadership, cosplaying as president, grifting nonstop, dismantling the country and dragging our reputation through the dirt. This damage is permanent.

Imagine fumbling an independent, sexy, witty, extremely loyal woman who would bring you the moon and makes you laugh harder than anybody ever could. That’s not me but like, imagine if you fumbled somebody like that.

hey remember when a bunch of middle-aged drunk korean lawmakers climbed the locked gates to the national assembly to hold an emergency session after the president gave illegal orders to the military, all of which ended with said president being sentenced to prison

Stop saying Maduro was a “sitting president”. You’re entitled to every legitimate criticism, but don’t pretend you would’ve called Trump “a sitting president” if he had succeeded in his goal of not leaving power in January of 2021. Maduro lost an election in a landslide and refused to admit it.

Dog: *begs* Me: Sheesh. Have a little dignity.

Happy New Fears

Always be kind. You never know if someone has a printer.

I can't be held responsible for what I do when I'm sober.

There is something very attractive and sexy about a woman who appreciates donuts.

Sometimes I take my glasses off because life looks better that way.

Stressing over one mistake is ridiculous . . . you will probably make many more, wait and stress over all of them together.

So may new money laundering opportunities

Impeachment now.

Well well well I see the bluebird of happiness is nowhere to be found so I best lumber back to the bog and play parcheesisi whilst smoking opium with a group of four legged monocole wearing newts in fuzzy slippers I'll give them your regards,luvs *and breathe*

During the pandemic, our nurses stepped up to the call to action. I stand with @nynurses.bsky.social who are fighting for a fair contract and safe staffing conditions to continue providing the care New Yorkers need and deserve. #SafeStaffingSavesLives

I just wanna be able to have a pet cat that speaks English I don’t think that’s too much to ask

Not enough has been written about Schrödinger’s assistant, Otto.

Putting seasonal depression on the back burner so I can focus on my wartime anxiety

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like mid-80s Paul Young's might have after a late night of carousing. 🎶Every time you go away.... 🎶

🎶You don’t like my postings, Any…..moooooooooooore🎶

Wag the dog. Plead the fifth. Epstein's list & believe Jack Smith.

Ziggy's Indian counterpart plays sitar.

Well, my other boyfriend likes it when I gaslight him.

Ask yourself why This all took place during the holidays

jesus fucking christ wth

There was a span of time when it seemed like every kid was named something like Jaxyn or Brynleigh but I haven't seen those types of names in a little while so my best guess is that they all died doing dumb TikTok challenges.

Upon the thin film of fantasy on every piece of reality, let’s trampoline.

All you stupids had to do was vote for the Black lady.

I was told I sound sexy & sultry over the phone so I'm going to ride that high for awhile & never speak to anyone again.

You have to go through Congress for anything resembling this type of war. Round up Massie and Paul types and have him removed. The people in this administration are on actual drugs and have insatiable bloodlust and bespoke mental illnesses. He has to go, and everybody with him.

the “AI” in “FAIL” is really just there as an example

apparently they kicked me out of philosophy class, i didn’t ask why

Imagine serving proudly in the military then you wake up one day and a game show host says you gotta bomb Venezuelan children.