On very rare days I’m in an inexplicably good mood. And the good mood makes me less worried about other people’s perception of me -and that’s definitely a “like a snake eating itself” scenario but I’m not trynna unpack all that right now- but someone asked me if I was coming off a mushroom trip 🧵

On very rare days I’m in an inexplicably good mood. And the good mood makes me less worried about other people’s perception of me -and that’s definitely a “like a snake eating itself” scenario but I’m not trynna unpack all that right now- but someone asked me if I was coming off a mushroom trip 🧵

Well, gas is expensive, and food is expensive, and we’re doing a war nobody wants, but at least there are no jobs

Sometimes self care is going home after a 9 hour bartending shift and housing an entire box of Lucky Charms.

Bartending tonight I’d had enough of this group of dudes and I finally cut in with “a circle is, by definition, perfect. An imperfect circle is some version of an oval.” I was met- ABSOLUTELY FAIRLY- with blank stares. Pedantry isn’t a great quality in a bartender.

Roberts: Let’s bring in the Secretary of Energy, Chris Wright. He joins us now.

The way loneliness is amplified when you scream into the void, hoping for a reply…

Y’all ever get so angry your heart rate drops? This is a real question. I had to do some research because I thought I was losing it.

Autocorrect tried to change “articulate” to “artichoke,” and honestly at this point yeah. Who gives a shit.

And maybe it’s pertinent to note that I’m a bartender, but it shouldn’t be. If you have a problem with someone, or you think they have a problem with you? Use. Your. Words.

Some new person at work doesn’t understand why we don’t get along. I know this because five different people have told me as much. You know who DOES know? Me. The one person you haven’t spoken to.

This bartender would like to report that she had no idea so many people were bobsledding experts.

Dudes really be out here remembering the lineup from a defunct NFL team but cannot for the LIFE of them remember their children’s birthdays.

This is the job of the eldest daughter.

I’m the bully in the family group chat.

Yeah tinder is great.

I am TICKLED by this.

the bushes were people 😂

Google servers overloaded from angry queries like “Puerto Rico part of America true”

The bad guys lost.

Lmao that touchdown was ridiculous.

I’m going through it.

FUCK YES

NOOOOOOOOOOO

GODDAMNIT

Me (watching Olympic figure skating): Holy shit, that was amazing NBC Commentator: That’s terrible, he should go to jail for that

Collinsworth!! SHUT UP.

I swear I don’t wanna, but every gd Budweiser commercial that airs during the Super Bowl makes me cry.

“It’s amazing how deep inside the hole he can get.” Collinsworth. Do you HEAR yourself?

Lmao not an official taking a giant digger.

I’m eating wings, fries, and Reese’s Puffs cereal in the event you were interested in how I’m doing.

“The lady of liberty is heads… and this side is tails” made me laugh so hard.

Gotta love Green Day for kicking off “America’s Game” with American Idiot.

30 minutes until kick-off. time to load up my cart with 2 weeks worth of groceries and get in the express lane

I read the sentence “fungi aren’t plants,” and even though I KNOW that’s true, I don’t like it. I do not like that sentence one bit.

My daughter is in Manhattan Beach for work. I’m not jealous it’s fine I love winter in Wisconsin.

Imagine being my landlord.

If I could remember what game it was… I swear it was basketball.

ESPNs captions just called someone Issac Asimov. There’s no way that’s real, right???

I do not understand how the Spurs are beating OKC.

EIGHT IN A ROW. Let’s go Knicks.

This Knicks game might end me.

The everyday grief… The weight that people carry, every single day. The way that if you boil it down the weight that so many people carry… and they carry it like it’s nothing?

My pipes froze and I currently don’t have running water and there’s a bunch of shit water backed up into my shower and seriously I want to know what I did in a past life that I get fucked so hard at every turn.

LET’S GO BADGERS

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE. @maddow.bsky.social

That last one is an oldie. And YES I WROTE IT please don’t come at me.

I laugh a lot. The alternative is screaming forever.

I’m sorry everything is terrible I’m trying to just be okay for a minute. My poor uber driver had to listen to me cry for 20 minutes because I’m not gonna lose it while I’m tending bar but godDAMNIT. #FUCKICE #IStandWithMN

We have fun, here.