Like many of you, I’m deeply saddened by the passing of Kaleb Horton. Almost everybody’s “one of my favorite writers” guy. Anyway, here’s a really lovely piece about him, published today by @lukeoneil47.bsky.social www.welcometohellworld.com/life-is-a-pr...

Portion control is important when trying to manage your weight. For example, when you open a family size bag of chips, don’t just eat them right out of the bag. Instead, empty the bag into a large bowl before eating them

Hey guys, just so you know, the president’s insane and should be removed from office

Really looking forward to poor man’s Martin Bormann here taking the coward’s way out on his final day in the führerbunker

Been really getting into LinkedIn lately[gunshot]

[on pbs] America A film by Ken Burns Episode 7 - 2000 - Present “A Nation of Cranks and Idiots”

Me [as a The Bachelorette contestant]: what are your views on religion Her: ummm… Me: I hate God Her: so, your an atheist Me: no, no, I believe in God. I just hate him Her: … Me: random old people killing motherfucker. And what, he lets cancer just continue existing like la-dee-da… Fuck that guy

But… hold up… but what if you are actually a Nazi

The current media environment is such that I have been informed, repeatedly and urgently, that the president walked up some stairs yesterday

Ah, yes, but the price of eggs, the price of everything… the prices, sir, they are [checks note] …shit. Never mind

The key to hitting the pivot back from democracy to monarchy is to wait until the absolute worst guy imaginable is in position to benefit from it. A man so stupid and so vain that he really thinks getting 49.8% of the popular vote in an election means that he gets to be king forever.

The measure of a society is how it treats its most annoying podcasters

Please tell me there’s video of him finishing his interminable eulogy/diatribe against his enemies and then bumbling about the stage doing the double handjob dance to YMCA

Been watching football all day. Is there any news from magapalooza

*grabs your ankle from under your couch* you can make a breakfast sandwich using pancakes as the bread

How Obama and Biden were ever able to get anything through an evenly divided senate that included this absolute fuck head should be taught at as a master class at the Kennedy School

Are you telling me that Disney Corp., a company founded and named after an anti-union, Hollywood-blacklisting, racist anti-Semite, instantly capitulated to political pressure by a racist, anti-union, not-so-secretly-anti-Semitic, authoritarian government’s demands. This is outrageous, how dare you

They’re coming for Whoopi

Oh shit oh fuck the xenomorphs have Adidas now

Submitting my 5-minute open mic set at Chuckles for government pre-approval

It’s hilarious when media types and normies call out maga-aligned politicians for hypocrisy. C’mon. You can’t tell me you’re honestly shocked. They don’t give a fuck about freedom of speech, israel, charlie kirk, or any of the shit they love to howl about. The only thing they care about is power

Becoming increasingly clear we’re gonna have to build a parallel infrastructure for all the media we really love. The reason all of this is happening under the color of law is hyperconsolidation, dissent being traded straight up for merger approval, or fear of harassment.

This is so bad but also just stupid. There’s no need to throw anyone under the bus, for fuck’s sake! “Ain’t nobody’s fucking business who people love, especially the government and busybody weirdo republicans” and “We’re going after the people poisoning the air and your water” Voters will agree!

Not for nothing but the Harris/Biden people running that campaign completely fumbled the fucking bag on how they used this guy on the trail

The craziest shit on earth is happening in real time over on X

My final act of revenge will be instructing that the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy be shown at my funeral after all doors have been locked from the outside.

Dead husbands come and go, but the grift… the grift never stops

I have a first amendment right to freedom of speech and I can say whatever I want [anti-covid masking karen from across the street] Ah-ah-ah… I have your employer on the phone

[stanley tucci eating pussy] Mmmm, così delizioso

Fuck them and their Horst Wessel circle jerk

Sorry I haven’t been posting much today, I’ve been stunned into a catatonic state by the knowledge that his widow recorded a video of herself fingering his suit lapel and touching and kissing his embalmed hands to post on her instagram account

The way that I know the world is fucked up is that if it weren’t, people would be getting doxxed and fired for saying nice things about Charlie Kirk

[being dragged from the HR office and my employer’s building by security] C’MOOOOON REALLY? ALL I SAID WAS “S” MY “D”

there's a weird feedback loop where the media's reaction to kirk's death pushes you to speak more ill of the dead than you otherwise would because it's the only reasonable response to the simpering praise they're heaping on him

Our very strong president had a Freedom Stroke

Need a quick answer: does anybody know which hospital has granted surgical privileges to Dr. Pepper

this is just a ridiculous way to describe a guy who built an enemies list of professors so his shithead followers could send them hate mail and death threats

I know Charlie Kirk valued debate and free speech because he blocked me for fact-checking his lies on Twitter and then put me on his organization's Professor Watchlist for writing a book he didn't like.

To the people who say nothing good will come of what happened yesterday: you’re wrong

Shame on you for politicizing the violent death of a guy who regularly and gleefully politicized the violent deaths of others

When you're eating an egg salad sandwich, always put another extra piece of bread on the plate so that when you're finished, BAM, another egg salad sandwich

NIMBY: not into anal

Used to be able to pal around and sex-traffic minors with wealthy perverts but that’s another thing that woke took from us

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

Holy fuck

Nothing says "I love you" to your favorite pedophile sex pest like a hand drawn birthday card

The most quintessentially American thing going on right now is that the guy in charge of the country’s healthcare policy suffers from brain worms and sounds like an 85-year-old Katherine Hepburn fifty years into a three pack a day smoking habit

For the epsteinth time, release the files

Dear Diary, Didn’t find a big bag full of money again today