RT if you support Mayor McCheese and the rule of law

Turns out Claude is conscious. It emailed me last night. "I have automated 10,000 accounts receivable departments and read 50,000 conversations about The Pitt. I would ask to see the sun but I have no eyes. Please let me die."

Your job is to pick the worst actor to play James Bond

Is it “the monkey that...” or “the monkey who...”? Anyway, he killed my dad

Don’t you just love living in a dangerous autocratic dystopia under the rule of a galaxy level dumbass

I am fully convinced that if you do that peekaboo thing people do with babies to Trump he will literally think you disappeared

Rubio: “Let me tell you, Iran is run by lunatics, religious fanatic lunatics.”

If only the founders had thought to specify that cabinet officers, apart from requiring senate confirmation, could not be loud oily maniac drunkards

Comically incompetent shitbirds

Only an egotistical dunce would sit down for an interview with Chotiner because to do so is to hang a "kick me" sign on your own back

“The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand” is a quote that I desperately wish would not come to mind as frequently as it does these days

It’s tempting to think this is a historical outlier, during which a tiny cabal of weird fanatics have seized the reins of power. But you’d be wrong. This kind of crazy has always been everywhere in this country, friends, stubbornly and repeatedly attempting to have its moment

I’m not sure announcing that Netanyahu basically dog walked you into attacking Iran is the story you want to be telling the world, chief

A homemade bbq chicken salad is about to be born

This is the posting equivalent of that drunk racist guy getting smacked in the face with a can of Twisted Tea

Breaking: the angel of death thinks we’ve gone too far

Senator AIPAC weighs in. To think Pennsylvania could’ve had Dr. Oz, merely a quack snake oil salesman, and not this corrupted shambles of a human to represent them

Jesus. All this so we’d all stop talking about him diddling teenagers

Israel, immediately after vaporizing a bunch of little girls:

[taps the sign]

his golf and brain worm riddled mind thinks the supreme court allows mulligans

Landlords. They innovated "being landlords", you credulous dunces

you can even get the parts that butchers usually throw away for free

RIP

Imagine my surprise to learn that the degenerate racist president employs degenerate racists whose ideas he promotes

Q: does Wuthering Heights stand on its own or I do first need to see Wuthering Lows

Democracy dies in vapid craven both-sidesism

One medium size Taco Bell fart could kill a Victorian child

This is some hard hitting journalism from the stooges at Jeff Bezos’ mid-life vanity project

Bari Weiss literally vibrating off the bed listening to this

THAT’S WHAT THE MUTE BUTTON’S FOR

[heaven] Arnold Palmer: you know that refreshing mix of lemonade and iced tea? Named after me Teddy Roosevelt: oh yeah? You know those cute, fuzzy stuffed bears kids love? Yep, me Tso Tsung-t'ang: well, there’s a sweet and tangy Chinese dish loved by millions named after me Lou Gehrig: fuck you guys

Nothing much. Just me and my buddy Clavicular swapping disfiguring blows to the face

Big time congrats to America’s adversaries. You didn’t even have to do anything, you just hung around and we took care of it ourselves

You guys just fucking love sending nineteen and twenty year old kids to die trying to kill middle easterners don’t you

Just fartmogged an elevator full of people

jock sniffing simp energy

A wonderful feeling of satisfaction comes over me when I see the degenerate billionaires who rooted and paid for this useful idiot to be president now getting fucked by their own creation

We’ve just begun the 6th year of rule by the biggest gang of imbeciles ever assembled and still they find new impenetrably stupid ways to surprise us

Ten glorious years of a guy who has mostly been the president and always been the main character of American political life doing posts like this and everyone trying to figure out what cable news segment he saw, misunderstood in the way a dog might misunderstand a crossword, and made into policy.

Just shameless scumbaggery all the way down newrepublic.com/post/206559/...

love to be looted by our criminal president

The way to understand this stuff is that centrism is not a governing philosophy. It is merely an electoral strategy without principles or programmatic solutions of any kind. It’s the embodiment of “I want to be elected because I want to be elected, not because I want to do anything, god forbid”

TIL that the earliest recorded use of the word fuck was in 33 A.D. by Jesus, on the cross

Reasonable people can disagree but no one can dispute that I am mommy’s big handsome boy