dan mentos
@danmentos.com
📤 19095
📥 350
📝 1920
it’s too late I’ve ruined it
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dan mentos
Travis comma bitch
about 2 hours ago
My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths
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dan mentos
ceej
1 day ago
we've got some ICE shit going down in our little town today and it took like three minutes for a convoy of wine moms to start chasing them around town. normies hate this shit and are putting in the work
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dan mentos
Rob Cee
3 days ago
At the club, wearing my new cologne: Amazon Basic for men.
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dan mentos
leon
3 days ago
this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier
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2025 called. “lol”, it said, “lmao”
3 days ago
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dan mentos
does anyone have a extra canada invite code
over 1 year ago
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dan mentos
Better Things Are Possible
4 days ago
Zohran is already making Regular People's lives harder...
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dan mentos
Ygrene
4 days ago
[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
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FUN FACT: the Gregorian calendar got its name when co-inventors greg and ian couldn't agree on the name
5 days ago
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dan mentos
tyler supreme
5 days ago
day one in mamdani’s new york
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brent
5 days ago
[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?
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wow 2025 just got super cool, sorry you guys are missing it
6 days ago
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crazy that it’s already 2027 in australia
6 days ago
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maybe it's the booze talking but- HOLY SHIT THE BOOZE IS TALKING
6 days ago
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dollar store ass obelisk
add a skeleton here at some point
6 days ago
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dan mentos
It's Abby. Yep.
9 months ago
can you die of too much news
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Leif Malone
7 days ago
Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.
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Due to recent developments, I have made the decision to not perform at the Kennedy Center. Apologies to my numerous and devoted fans
7 days ago
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dan mentos
leon
9 months ago
my new theory is that once you have a certain amount of money and wealth you start to go crazy and detach from reality. that number is different for everyone. for me it's $20
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when someone’s net worth reaches a billion dollars it should roll over to zero like the scores in old video games
8 days ago
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dan mentos
ceeks
10 days ago
deadass?
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dan mentos
josh (auldfriend99)
11 days ago
2026 PIN number sounding ass year. That's my freaking PIN number
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[fifth day of christmas] me: (opening gift) oh wow gold rings my true love: technically they’re golden
12 days ago
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my idiot neighbor still has his christmas decorations up lmao
12 days ago
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dan mentos
sky
almost 2 years ago
Imagine you’ve been waiting for years and it’s finally your turn to carve the roast beast and then they let the fucking psycho who’s been terrorizing your village do it instead.
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dan mentos
Better Things Are Possible
12 days ago
[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service
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crazy that mary and joseph thought they could just waltz in and book a room during the holidays
12 days ago
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dan mentos
My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem
about 1 year ago
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dan mentos
Matt Darling
13 days ago
NORAD Santa tracker is Woke
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crazy that it's almost the fourth of july in australia
13 days ago
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for the tenth year in a row neighborhood teens have desecrated my minion nativity scene
13 days ago
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dan mentos
fun prank: have the kids catch mommy making out with santa claus, really going at it. they assume it's dad, but then dad walks in! (santa is actually mom's personal trainer Jörg)
about 2 years ago
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dan mentos
"So we kill a tree" Ok "And put it inside our house" Nice "Then we hang up some socks" I'm with ya "And then we drink egg milk punch" What
about 1 year ago
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dan mentos
Mike Ginn
about 1 month ago
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
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michael stipe: stand in the place where you live santa: ok michael stipe: now face north santa: fuck you
about 2 years ago
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dan mentos
you (plebeian, unrefined): Die Hard is a Christmas movie me (worldly, sophisticated): Die Hard is a Christmas film
about 1 year ago
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dan mentos
ceej
about 1 year ago
MY MOM: come on, you don’t have to be scared of back of the christmas blanket inverted color santa BACK OF THE CHRISTMAS BLANKET INVERTED COLOR SANTA:
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dan mentos
Catbus
16 days ago
😔
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man they really need to do a better job of redacting these
18 days ago
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finally sold all my toner futures. now to take a big sip of coffee and check the news
add a skeleton here at some point
18 days ago
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dan mentos
d.ly
about 1 year ago
LaGuardia sounds like a virus your dog gets from eating a gyro off the street
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dan mentos
josh (auldfriend99)
19 days ago
In home alone, the same actor who plays one of the bad guys plays the cop at the beginning of the movie.
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*watching a mcdonalds commercial in the 1980s* a singing moon? preposterous. put the clown back on
19 days ago
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dan mentos
*smacking trans-siberian orchestra CD out of sons hand* we’re a mannheim steamroller family
about 2 years ago
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in some personal news I came into a small fortune and quit my job today
19 days ago
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dan mentos
josh (auldfriend99)
about 2 months ago
I set up my thermostat so that if it gets below a certain temperature, the heat turns on.
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dan mentos
Travis comma bitch
21 days ago
My kids overheard me call our Christmas tree a thirsty bitch when I was giving it water
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dan mentos
It's Abby. Yep.
22 days ago
Blaming a year for how bad things are is so 2020
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Powerful video depicting a symbol of American ideals, as a statue topples in the foreground
add a skeleton here at some point
22 days ago
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson: actually all Decembers are the same length Adam Duritz: how did you get in my house
25 days ago
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