dan mentos
@danmentos.com
📤 18885
📥 346
📝 1770
it’s too late I’ve ruined it
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dan mentos
Tara Shoe
1 day ago
oh my god? less than 5 days to pledge to this campaign and I’m at 83% of my goal. i wonder if i can reach a hundred per cent in time…. 🤔
seedandspark.com/fund/girlie
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Viktor Winetrout
6 months ago
I am a: ⚪️ man ⚪️ woman 🔘cat looking for: ⚪️ A relationship ⚪️ A friendship 🔘 little a salami
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K. Thor Jensen
3 days ago
Wife bought some scissors from a trusted brand
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Mary Gillis
about 1 year ago
I don't think Santa likes being called that.
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Mind Goblin
3 days ago
to:
[email protected]
Subject: today i think , at least 3 kids, , died today weird thinjk i shuld give the whole factory , to this dumb kid, , ,
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can you be more specific
3 days ago
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darth™️
3 days ago
a lot of people regretting the 'this shoulda been an email' advice rn lol
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Ygrene
about 2 years ago
[a pilgrim is about to shoot me] oh no please not the trombone gun lmao
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Chris Geidner
4 days ago
DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
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horses are just sexy donkeys DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
4 days ago
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dan mentos
holy shit
over 1 year ago
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Brendel
5 days ago
Help mom I’m being bullied by 87 year old novella writer Joyce Carol Oates again can you pick me up
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d.ly
6 months ago
we need a Democratic party for the left
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Branson COMMS OPEN
10 days ago
Cool photo I took a few seconds after waking up when Joe Camel hit me with his car
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sorry, just got this. are you guys still at the spooktacular?
8 days ago
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Tim Onion
8 days ago
theonion.com/fact-checkin...
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Mike Ginn
9 days ago
I tried to whistle over a stray cat in my neighborhood and a woman walked by, who I worried thought I whistled at her. So I said “im whistling at the cat” but when I looked back down at it I realized it was just an old fast food bag
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lanyardigan
over 1 year ago
Might mess around and withdraw the energy from my senses for around 7–8 hours, becoming much less responsive to stimuli
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[hot ones] me: *finishes off gallon of milk* sean evans: ok are you ready for your first wing
8 days ago
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Patrick Monahan
9 days ago
Gotta say, I’m not so confident that you do
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lanyardigan
10 days ago
Right about now, the honk shoo brother
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Heads up! If your feed feels especially sparse and devoid of thoughtless drivel lately, check your content filter settings. While well intended, the new default settings are borderline draconian
10 days ago
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lanyardigan
over 2 years ago
How pissed would you be if you were giving a smooch to a frog and it turned into a human man. Oh I gotta deal with this guy now
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Ken Jennings
14 days ago
Wow private equity strikes again I guess 😡
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Fun
over 1 year ago
everyone automatically clacks these twice upon picking them up because deep down we all know we’re crabs
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that was truly the world series of poker of baseball
14 days ago
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dan mentos
josh (oldfriend99)
15 days ago
My neighbour still has his Halloween decorations up!
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"Edward, I gave you scissors for hands, but don't let that define who you are" Ok. BTW what's my last name? "Scissorhands"
about 2 years ago
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mr potato
over 1 year ago
me: are you familiar with the infinite universe theory gf: yeah of course me: so there must be one where I run over your dad with a go-kart gf: I guess so me: so *pulling out flowers from behind my back* you can see how this isn’t my fault
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trick or treating is so bad this year. almost no one giving out candy or even coming to the door
17 days ago
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andy vs
17 days ago
I'm really asking a lot of these multivitamins
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ceej
about 2 years ago
Sincere post: it is one of the greatest joys of my adult life to be able to see the magic of the holidays renewed through the eyes of a younger generation. Hunting for eggs on Easter, Trick or Treating on Halloween, hiding under the covers so the Night Turkey doesn't peck your penis off, Santa Claus
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lanyardigan
over 1 year ago
Dreamed I was drinking a new subtype of Twinings English Breakfast tea called Tragic Accent
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ten years ago we fucking loved science. now we skibidi toilet chicken jockey six seven
18 days ago
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky”
19 days ago
I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them
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is that baseball game still going
about 1 month ago
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Microplastics Sommelier
19 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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kids: trick or treat! me: ok who do we have here kid 1: a ghost! me: ohh scary kid 2: a goblin! me: spoooky kid 3: a ghoul me: sounds made up
about 2 years ago
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tinybaby
20 days ago
I've already forgotten the details of this woman's whole deal but just off the cuff I'd say if you have any dalmatian puppies keep an eye on them
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*replying to friend’s newborn baby photos* so adorable. what prompt did you use
20 days ago
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dan mentos
brent
20 days ago
[repeating myself louder in the haunted house attraction] did the dracula throw water on anyone else’s pants??
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just finished putting out my halloween decoration (Teddy Ruxpin with cassette tape of Ministry's Psalm 69 on loop)
21 days ago
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weeder
22 days ago
Sure, turkey bacon manufacturer website, you can store files on my device. But only what's strictly necessary, ok?
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dan mentos
Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA
22 days ago
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnng john silver's gift card
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dan mentos
in local crime news, someone stole all the reese's peanut butter cups from the five pound bag of halloween candy my wife bought from costco yesterday
about 1 year ago
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dan mentos
warm autumn light 🌇
over 2 years ago
when i die please avenge my death regardless of the circumstances
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky”
23 days ago
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when you're enjoying the sports posts and then you see a politics post
add a skeleton here at some point
23 days ago
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just completed a task
23 days ago
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dan mentos
weeder
24 days ago
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