Hot screenwriting tip from a veteran of the industry: Tim Burr is a good name for a character who's currently falling down right now.

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was present at the end of the universe, having witnessed every black hole evaporate and every proton decay. Even so, Death would not come.

Please keep your sugar plums in the upright and locked position

Everyone is so surprised when they find out how long my hair is, but by then it's too late. It tightens each time they exhale. There is no point in struggling.

Pretty good dog in my house, tbh

With a large enough TV, the yule log stream is a hell portal

SUPERVISOR: I need to speak with some of you in my office ME: [filling the water cooler with spaghetti] whomst

ever since I was a young human, I have dreamed of being washed away on an atmospheric river

I donated a car to charity a few years back and my reward for it is a pretty constant barrage of emails asking me why the fuck I’m not giving them more cars

It's okay Grinch, I've got garlic in my soul too

cat being abducted

Does anyone want to give me 12 thousand dollars? (Picture unrelated)

kids, you’ve heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for doug - dad’s old college buddy who’s gonna be crashing on the sofa for a little while until he gets back on his feet

Testing out the new subwoofer with Ween's 'The Fucked Jam'. It works.

Just checked the USPS tracker and I'm pretty sure one of my packages is stuck on Kentucky Route Zero

going on a stupid little walk for my dumb mental health

Wait, what?

It should be sad watching a man's brain publicly and inexorably turn to mush. A bitter tragedy watching a whole personality and intellect succumbing to entropy. Something to be mourned as a loss. Imagine the sort of person you'd have to be for it to be anything else.

It's like watching only the last 10 minutes of Flowers for Algernon, but someone gave the guy nuclear codes

Do you think what's his face is embarrased by the sort of people that come to his defense online? I know I would be.

they should invent a home office cannon that unapologetically fires one or two pork buns at my face when i forget to eat lunch

okay the site has plenty of the juice. no more the juice please.

you and your partner should get regularly tested for ADHD even if you're monogamous

impregananant?!!?

Does anyone want to give me 12 thousand dollars? (Picture unrelated)

Someone at Nintendo fucked up. Buy this before it gets pulled lol

Did you know you can make french toast with slices of panettone bread? No one is stopping you.

FRED: You know who really fuckin sucks? My uncle, Ebenezer Scrooge. FRED'S WIFE: Oh man, fuck that guy, I hope his dick falls into a mud puddle. SCROOGE: This is what they say about me when I'm out of sight? GHOST OF XMAS PAST: Well... FRED: We can totally see you. Get out my house.

I'm sure everyone here already knows this, but when a guy on a dating app says he's looking for a "traditional" relationship, he wants a mommy that cooks and cleans for him and also touches his weiner.

Any answer besides Deedee Megadoodoo is the wrong one

what's the reason for the season? I'm not sure, but I do know that SANTA CLAUS IS MADE OF FRACTAL PENISES

ooweeoo, deck the halls with boughs of Holly

Yes, but how does Bluesky feel about pig poop balls?

Last-minute gig idea! A knock-off VHS that looks a bit like a classic Disney cartoon:

I like that mistletoe increases the odds of being kissed. More plants should offer temporary environmental status. Brawling under lingonberries. The soft yearning of a love that dare not speak its name beneath the nightshade.

Finished Hyrule Warriors; Age of Imprisonment last night. It's kind of a shame the gameplay is repetitive to the point of being almost tedious, because the story and cutscenes are really solid.

I have a blog now and i would be ever so grateful if you checked it out Ameliadraws.art

In today's FREE article, @alexschmidty.bsky.social is covering the literary adaptation of The Emoji Movie. It's mostly "an insult to films and books and emojis and the idea that we owe each other anything as human beings," so I'm sure you'll love it. 1900hotdog.com/2025/12/nerd...

No, I don't think she did, and I don't think I will.

Waiting for the Nubby's Number Factory android app to drop so I can opt out of thinking forever. No brain, just ball.

So deeply flattered that not only did @barackobama.bsky.social include comedians on his sounds of the year for the first time, he chose my work. Thank you, Mr President.

Getting out ahead of the blackmailers and releasing this image publicly voluntarily

Christmas '97: I open a present, a box filled with spaghetti. My mother hands me another present, this one also filled with spaghetti. I look over at my father, but where he was sat is now just a large mound of spaghetti. I try to open another present but my hands are spaghetti.

The worst part is that one Vine where the guy goes "...ninky minjaj" is ruined forever

Must be on an SSRI

Pirate the series. Make your own physical media. That's the only answer when this happens and they haven't put it out any other way.

Reports say Dr Ruth came back to life and is talking about something called “Dark Sex”

I'm kind of concerned the current administration might use the NORAD Santa Tracker to shoot him from the sky then double back to bomb any survivors.