Nobody ever accepts a road muffin, but I’m going to keep offering until I find a guest worthy of my hospitality.

[while laying in the tub for 35 minutes] what about a cologne that smells like cereal? [adding more hot water to the tub] but what cereal?

The hitman lowers his gun. My dancing has reminded him of the beauty of humanity. He will now kill his boss and coworkers to protect me.

I built a contraption for nefarious purposes.

I still love baseball forever.

NEW @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social w/ X -Jules trolling -Reginald Veljohnson -the golden bird -FK Twigs -nightgown off -Pearl -Troy -medals and ratings spotify.link/uqRXLKYcTXb podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the…

Andy Serkis getting wires installed at his house to practice for his new role. Bird is the final challenge.

It's Halloween and on @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social we watched X, a sexy slasher! Join The first person to die @thenatewolf.bsky.social Jena Ortega stalker @murrman5.bsky.social Men's bikini brief enthusiast @ladybroseph.bsky.social Like & share for candy spotify.link/oYu0SsbUUXb

Negotiating against a guy who took the Negotiating Masterclass, but I took the Hypnotism Masterclass, so by the end of this, I will have a house, and he will be a duck.

It would be funny if I did a DM fee. Like you have to pay $50 to talk to me, Nate, the guy who burns his mouth every time he eats soups and stews.

I would have been so good at hunting that I’d have extra time to help gather. I would’ve been laughing with your girl in the blackberry brambles.

When you get rich enough the furniture gets nipples.

Me: [annoyed that I have to repeat myself over the loud music] I said I feel like powerful honey. My dancing, my movements, they’re like powerful honey.

I’m back on TikTok basically just to make videos about my various Wikipedia rabbit holes because my loved ones are sick of me and if I can’t talk about them I’ll die. Here’s one about Rube Waddell.

On dark days I wonder if yearning has a cure, or if each loss we experience creates a permanent absence. [I wrote this while I was thinking about a train I used to work on]

It’s been a while since I whispered a sweet nothing. All day long I’m shouting sour everythings. Capitalism demands it, you see.

ok, FINE, I'll do the hobby I love.

It's 3:28 am and I'm motivated for the first time in the last few weeks. Does anyone know how to very quietly cut lumber I have some stuff I could bang out right now.

Being a guy who loves paprika is a lonely life, but when I run into a fellow preak freak we connect on a deeper level.

Starting a band called Actual Wolves and all the songs are about a big, round, silver lady, and how fast caribou are.

So glad blinks are quick. I hate missing stuff.

Sometimes when I play the drums I think about how mad the Whiplash guy would be at me. He’d wanna kill me and harm me for my interpretations.

Making the muppet who counts look like Count Dracula was a stroke of creative genius. Henson really extracted some impressive results from that outfit of his.

Me: I drew what you would look like if you were a pumpkin. Her: oh… that’s… Me: you need to understand, this is a very sexy pumpkin in the pumpkin world.

Neighborhood dog was really nice to me during the first loop of my walk but then barked at me during the second so it’s possible I might have become evil in the last 0.75km

Me: the seas are angry today. The oldest sailor on the boat who is usually the one to say that: I’d say they’re grumpy. It’s not full anger. I would have told you if it was.

If you have a priest sanctify the water that's in your plasma, not only will it protect you from vampire bites, you can also weaponize your piss.

Trickster god hands me a really long, thin glass. I’m fully convinced it’s a huge portion. His giggle should be a warning, but I gulp as if the sweet flow will never end.

I was working with some long pieces of tape today which is a much more advanced form of taping. All actions contain the threat of catastrophe. Even the smallest mistake is fatal.

Coming to America It's an impossible idea now. But we watched it on @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social Join us! George Washington @thenatewolf.bsky.social & Eddie Murphy @murrman5.bsky.social Supporting independent media is good. We throw roses before you. spotify.link/7ftcAyyjAXb

Just got inconvenienced by a train but since it was a train I liked it.

Vibrating my vocal cords in service of my dreams. Shaking them daily for rewards yet unseen.

This is a high definition photograph of SpongeBob. I find his colours to be particularly beautiful in this light.

my family: (staging an intervention) you have got to stop eating so much hummus me: (crunching down on a false tooth to release garlic hummus into my mouth) you have no idea what you're up against

You: did you know that Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hour rule is bullshit? Me: YEAH I’M THE ONE WHO DISPROVED IT BY LEARNING TO EXPERTLY PROJECT MY VOICE IN LESS THAN 2000 HOURS

NEW @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social w/ COMING TO AMERICA -we stare at each other -crow gifts -jelly roll -bruises -paneer cheese -soul glo -quiz, medal and ratings spotify.link/J2wmdLgmwXb podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/t...

Yes, the headstones are suspiciously close to each other. Did you come here to throw your measuring tape around, or do you want to save some money?

Repeating “high-protein slime” like a mantra during my run so I don’t forget my great business idea before I get home.

We trained this AI on the whispers of the dead and that’s why it keeps saying slurs we have no previous written record of.

Doing the thing at work where I reveal I've been wearing weights this whole time then dropping them to the ground and working even better and faster

New guy on the solar panel crew is a vampire (night shift obviously). He says he wants to do everything he can to help humans survive into the future (so he can drink our blood).

Just heard juicy layers scrunching. Someone has dropped an onion.

Getting hooked up to the machine that lets you telepathically communicate with mice so that I can tell them that I love their cute faces and unique abilities but they just scream “GIVE ME PEANUT BUTTER” over and over again.

We're legit movie fans. We watched Dr. Strangelove on @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social. Peter Sellers plays both @thenatewolf.bsky.social & @murrman5.bsky.social In anticipation of the inevitable collapse of society let it be known NAFMC tried to stop it. open.spotify.com/episode/2MB9...

New episode of @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social is Dr. Strangelove (1964) Join me, @murrman5.bsky.social and @ladybroseph.bsky.social as we laugh nervously about harrowing parallels. Spotify open.spotify.com/episode/2MB9... Apple podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/d...

NEW @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social w/ DR. STRANGELOVE -full sandwich -benny blanco -forbidden hips -the Festus flame -lots of voices -the bomb demetri -bucky robinson -quiz, medals and ratings open.spotify.com/episode/2MB9... podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/t...

Saw a video called "How The World's Strongest Anchor Chains Are Made" but I can't get that riled up before bed. I'll watch it before my next workout.

No, terrible public library website, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at those who have failed you.

Sometimes I sweep the carpet instead of vacuuming. Feels good to get back to my roots. Feels good to connect with the land.

Accidentally stumbled upon a secret meeting of the Pepperoni Girls. They were sitting in the dark eating pepperonis and salamis. I ran and I ran and I barely got away. If I die, it wasn’t suicide.