Getting this captcha before opening THIS article just made me laugh harder than it should have

I can’t keep up with all of the fresh horrors each day but that’s the point isn’t it

RIP Catherine O’Hara, you expanded my vocabulary indubitably with words such as the following: Dirigible Pettifogging Testudine Bombilating Frippet Balatron Chockablock Perigrination Callipygian Habilimented Peccadillo Prestidigitator

Elon Musk publicly slandering that cave diver as a "pedo guy" after he begged Jeffrey Epstein for island party invites is just incredible

Today is one of those days I regret learning how to read

Alex Pretti was a nurse in Minneapolis, like I was in 2020. He worked at the VA as a federal employee, like I did in 2020. He was doing today what all of us who were able did in 2020 - helping neighbors in a terrifying but important time in history while the world was watching. (1/?)

Sorry the character limit isn’t enough for the rage inside of me.

Originally posted on IG/TikTok yesterday.

Jade Van Kley @backlinenurse.bsky.social

Hey! Join this AMA to ask my buddy @kevinok.bsky.social about FOIA!!! IT’S IN 23 MINUTES AHHHHH

Ahmed al Ahmed, 43, has been identified as the man who disarmed one of the Sydney attackers. Ahmed was shot by the second shooter, who was firing from a bridge. He suffered 2 gunshot wounds and is undergoing surgery.

Extraordinary courage from Ahmed al Ahmed, a Muslim, 43-year-old father of two, who bravely risked his life to save his neighbors celebrating Hanukkah. Praying for his full & speedy recovery. And so deeply inspired by his example.

Can I go to bed. It’s been night time since at least noon and my tummy hurts. But I’m doing CBT for insomnia and my therapist said if I go to bed before 11 she’d frame me for murder

I’ve pivoted to video bc I forgot how to read :(

Heads up Nashville

coming clean. i hate the sun.

I’m back on TikTok basically just to make videos about my various Wikipedia rabbit holes because my loved ones are sick of me and if I can’t talk about them I’ll die. Here’s one about Rube Waddell.

starting to think My Morning Jacket spent one million dollars on targeted ads specifically to me bc Jesus Christ. ENOUGH

[the second a plant enters my care] me: :) plant: i think we can all agree that it’s time for me to die

sorry but I’m obsessed with Marcus the worm ⚫️__⚫️

i have to give credit to @backlinenurse.bsky.social thats her baby Luna on the left!

Check out that jab!!! They’ve been doing this for about 5 minutes and Shelley keeps losing even though she has every advantage in this configuration.

Is she smiling??? This is so off-brand for her!!!

it's a mood

I was just watching a video on Facebook of a news report about a factory that exploded near here (geriatric sentence I know) and in the middle of the video, it cut to an ad that was literal actual hardcore porn. What the actual fucking ass motherfucking fuck is going on in this internet. fuck

Dad wanted to watch the Cardi B trial because I kept talking about it so he FaceTimed me to help him find it on YouTube

Oh you just figured out Johnny Cash was cool? The guy who famously performed for a prison and dressed in all black? Well CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WALL STREET JOURNAL oh wait I guess that does make sense

I promise you won’t guess what this is replying to

dudes rly be wanting a manic pixie dream girl til they realize your mania is clinical

It’s so cute when my apple watch tells me I’ve reached my activity goal for the day while I’m actively lying in bed. Like hey guys it seems like she tried her best we should just let her have this one.

Coyote. But nobody is a tourist in eastern South Dakota, so :(

Refinding @backlinenurse.bsky.social through a tiktok of her cat that has resting "just learned my husband died at sea" face and being like "I RECOGNIZE THAT CAT FROM TWITTER!"

my friend got sued for some good ole fashioned legal shitposting, please consider donating what you can also, having followed the docket closely: @max-e-rodriguez.bsky.social is a great lawyer

my gut health is so in shambles right now that I just opened uber eats and typed in “vegetable”

I hate NFL in Europe games. I know Europe is not the reason that the Vikings suck ass right now. But at least they could suck ass closer to home? Idk lol I woke up like 4 minutes ago and they’re already losing to fucking Cleveland in London. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

I am begging Instagram ads to stop trying to figure out what kind of boob problems I have. I didn’t know I had tiddy problems. I’ve just been comfortably ambivalent about them. But now I realize that everyone’s cans are incorrect and I am disgusting.

Every time I flush the toilet my cat runs in to watch it and then bolts out like she has to report back to her manager

I am begging Instagram ads to stop trying to guess the size of my boobs

does anyone have time to swing by and hit me in the head with a brick

"no more superficial individual expression"

academy award contending tiktok

YouTube is all that’s ever playing on my TV, but if I open an article and it turns out to be a video I will simply refuse to learn about that thing.

showering is so much work. i just want to get on a conveyer belt and roll through a shower tunnel with disco lighting and zero thoughts in brain. i want to be a car.

If your business model requires theft perhaps you should be charged with crimes.

Every morning JK Rowling wakes up, looks at her big pile of money, and actively chooses to be a malignant hag instead of buying an island and shutting the fuck up.

earlier i had the thought “i wish there was a way to create vegetables at home…” and so i jammed out on that idea for a while until i realized i just invented farming.

yes i’m FINE. F uck I ‘m N ot E ven close to having a bridge named after me

how do i get a bridge named after me do i just have to cross it really good or what

ordering the release of the Edmund Fitzgerald files