did a brain worm write this?

Amazing how many of these labour briefcase fascists round notts work their way through our local unison bureaucracy. A feeding tube for the labour party paid for by members like me. Needs snipping.

pranking my barista hard by asking for a large flat white.

every haircut she gets makes it seem like she owes her hairdresser money. did she take a photo of razorlight in? this could be prevented simply by having some friends.

Went to my new gym for the first time and ... it only had single sex changing rooms. I got some filthy looks and I didn't even have my dick out. lol, I am in such massive danger.

went to a nerd shop that sells gaming miniatures and the owner was absolutely ripped. nerds should not be ripped. this is the basic truth of the jock/nerd dichotomy. without this holy contestation life is essentially unknowable. this is why god has abandoned us.

Every day I work at Big Tech I understand this guy more and more

convinced long tall sally is a terf psy-op. every shoe an expensive hate crime.

I'm beginning to think having a device I carry everywhere, that pushes me videos of a pig setting off a landmine during the war in Ukraine might not be good?

kids today would rather listen to sabrina carpenter than jesus the carpenter.

Congratulations to Labour who have won the coveted Tommy Robinson endorsement. Excited for sensibles to explain to me why I have to vote for the people enacting actual fascist policy.

Labour is a “godsend” for Farage says the far-right.

thinking about her again

toy company CEOs: "at long last, we have created the Sinister Talking Doll Factory from the acclaimed movie 'Don't Create the Sinister Talking Doll Factory'" futurism.com/artificial-i...

sorry for acting mental. it was because of events.

We're so close to having the ultimate vehicle on our roads

by god ... that's david milliband's music

why do pre workout caffeine supplements all look like poppers? are you guys ok? hi i would like 12 bottles of ASS FUEL please.

I love bed, but I feel I've been waiting a lifetime for bed 2 to arrive. come on boffins, sort it out.

there was a rat in the garden earlier, but don't worry, the world's most beautiful idiot is on the case.

At my hospital this is predated on the functions of 100s of admin staff being replaced with the NHS app and electronic patient records. The IT department focused exclusively on EPR for 6 months yet when it launched it broke so many things they turned it off and declared a critical incident.

Woke 7: Mission to Moscow

Next step: bears BBC News - Atlantic salmon in stretch of Derbyshire river 'extraordinary' - BBC News www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

i am always saying this

one of the worst things about being on social media is seeing people you follow starting to care about what happens in the UK.

got a wink and a free cappuccino in Greggs. found my level

creative powerhouse (derogatory)

imo the best way to survive the derangement machine is to strap into a slightly different derangement machine.

i too enjoy your human television programme "the traitors".

*shakes head *

Tatsuya Nakadai riding a demon motorcycle to death in The Wicked City. What a legend.

Some of us remember when Maitlis said that primary age school kids are having gender confirmation surgery. The BBC anti Trans bias goes back nearly a decade #BBCTransphobia

i did exactly as much respect as this today. i hope you did too 📯

ah, welcome back 007. you're probably wondering what manner of contraption you find yourself in. i like to call it a "pronoun circle". it's a fascinating device. one by one the participants go around the room and ... well you'll see... goodnight mx bond.

hi writer here, you can just have him walk out some mist, turn to camera, wink and say, "mist me much??" *bam* theme tune starts. rest writes itself. one million pounds please.

so I went to the zoo yesterday... there was a ciabatta in one of the cages ... when I asked the zookeeper what was going on he replied .... that ... it ... was... bread ... in .... captivity 🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

I am so sick and my nbife is even sicker. just been lying in a plague pit for days with an ever growing pile of tissues. occasionally I get up to sweat round the park and empty the dog. I am absolutely putrid. rotten. stinking.

Despite it's seductions, there are very few that can post well while drunk, and in fact the only certified members of the drunk posters pantheon are Wayne Rooney, pre-media lock-out Rhihanna, and Drew Carey at The Sphere (only then)

not actually sure how the BBC could get *more* transphobic, but i guess we're about to find out.

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

speed is the posters' drug. all other drugs lead only to the impairment of posting: derangements, meandering thought, empty merriments, heretical texts. only speed allows us the clarity of thought to see the truth e.g the existence of gaz top implies the existence of a submissive, gaz bottom.

mods asleep, post biblically accurate owlbear

they're lifting A NEW BRIDGE over the river trent tomorrow and they're using EUROPE'S LARGEST CRANE to do it. i'm gonna take sick day and try not to end up on some kind of giant crane jumbotron.

not my dog begging me to have a sip of my science in sport isotonic running gel.

doing a three minutes silence. the extra minute is for all the flags that died. you'd do it too if you gave a shit. flag hater.

my next door neighbour when i was growing up was a semi-legendary 1970s scottish football player, so i grew up thinking being a pro athlete was about mainly shuffling about your driveway in a dressing gown, drinking a scotch whilst smoking your way through a packet of benson and hedges.

gender? I hardly knew her