If you are a lesbian your gamer girlfriend is obsessed with Chun-Li’s thighs, just accept this reality, babe.

FUCKING FINALLY! 😭 If anyone (probably no one is but JUST IN CASE I’M NOT ALONE in my neurotic tendencies) after designing 10 hotel rooms on your island, the following day, somewhere on your island you should encounter a tourist in thought looking for a place to stay which activates this card.

I knew I saw this somewhere before. Funny that it’s almost exactly what’s actually happening now.

she says thank you

This is day 2,372 where my cat Quark has crawled into my lap and demanded that I hand over my buttered toast and hot coffee and I have politely said “No.”

Starting off Valentine’s Day the romantic way: feeding the cats, drinking coffee and watching Atomic Blonde.

Need a valentine that will actually kill me

If you were born today, Happy Birthday. You deserve to have today only be about your birthday. Always and only. Life is precious.

When I'm about to have a little treat

Hello darkness you dumb bitch

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahwhatthefuckhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

If you really loved me you'd appear at my house tomorrow and beat me to death.

The treatment for my incurable cancer impairs my resistance to germs. It would be nice if the HHS secretary would fight the spread of disease because not all of us can afford to be an insane selfish asshole like him.

Neat. Friday the 13th just delivering realities of the soul today.

evil kitten vibes

Oh to be a little Tardigrade walking around a microscopic volvox algae colony. 🫧🐻🧪

Sorry I can’t this weekend man I have to wander around my home like a tormented ghost for a couple days

FOLKS BEHOLD THIS FANCY AS FUCK MURDER BIRD. 🦅

Constant growth is a cancerous mindset.

Stop sharing the video of the woman setting a building on fire you fuckin snitch ass snitches

“Icky thump, handcuffed to a bunk Robbed blind, looked around, and there was nobody else Left alone, I hit myself with a stone Went home and learned how to clean up after myself” music.youtube.com/watch?v=z8UK...

My favorite part of valentines day is when cupid shoots me point blank in the face

God forbid women do anything

Dude regularly works for Disney, DreamWorks, Netflix and CN so speculate away. But this sucks no matter which studio is doing it, and gross to think some major movie this year is running with a plagiarized image from ChatGPT.

this is comically evil. brazenly anti-social. just absolute black-pilled nihilism. we will not have a republic, we will not be free, until we regulate these companies to the point where — at a bare minimum — they're too afraid to put stuff like this down on paper. www.nytimes.com/2026/02/13/t...

Anderson Cooper: “So it's more expensive to have a chronically homeless person living on the streets than it is to actually subsidize an apartment for them?” Answer: “Yes, we’re paying more as taxpayers to walk past that person on the street and do nothing…” #HousingFirst

I was hesitant to even give it oxygen, but then it’s like, this guy had dinner with the president

Fuentes then fantasizes about “breeding gulags”: “So just like Hitler imprisoned Gypsies, Jews, communists, you know, all of his political rivals, we have to do the same thing with women… They go to the breeding gulags. The good ones will be liberated. The bad ones will toil in the mines forever.”

Fuentes, yesterday: “Our #1 political enemy is women because women constrain everything, every conversation, every man, everything. They have to be imprisoned. They are the ones that are hurting the fertility rate. They're the ones making us sympathetic to poor people, which are also brown people.”

fruit bats what’s next vegetable bats

When Friday the 13th falls right before Valentine’s Day, it’s called Friday the Flirteenth

playful simon

This is how I found out I'm not getting invited to the Pokémon themed orgies 😪

Let's be honest, we should have simply stopped measuring star sizes after we found VY Canis Majoris, it was never getting better than having a biggest star in the universe called Big Dawg

Make time for those who make time for you. Tell the others to keep their breadcrumbs.

We have been over this: “Jigglepants” is my alter ego for dirty pokemon themed orgies, NOT a nickname that inspires panic in the souls of everyone who fears me. 🧐

One of my most boomer positions is that the use of gas powered chainsaws/leaf blowers/trimmers for anything but genuinely hazardous maintenance in residential areas, particularly by writ of HOAs/Landlords, should be punished by being pelted with rocks LEAVE THE LEAVES, THEY ARE FINE

Getting real annoyed that I’ve made it 44 years without ever acquiring a terrifying nickname.

The GOAT Moon Tweet

please enjoy these classic Moon Tweets™

you missed the best one

UPDATE: The 21 year old who has been posting “chilling” white supremacist messaging on Trump’s official Department of Labor feeds was finally fired. JUST KIDDING! DHS hired him. (P.S. They’ve been doing it too) www.nytimes.com/2026/02/11/u...

someone already made the Bad Bunny album cover on Animal Crossing

the most radical science fiction is the kind where we choose to stay on earth and repair the damage we’ve done

Armenia like: Got any gwapes? 😏🍇🦆

Absolutely. Here's from the weekend.

All flights to and from El Paso, Texas, have been grounded for ten days for “Special Security Reasons”, the Federal Aviation Administration announced. Shutting down airspace of a major US city for such an extended period hasn’t happened since the aftermath of 9-11.

US HIRING AT RECESSION LEVELS: HIRING RATE AT 3.3%, MATCHING THE 2020 CRISIS AND NEAR A 13-YEAR LOW.

Notice how the popular media narrative has moved on, while people on the ground in Minneapolis are still struggling and crying out that things are as bad as ever. This is how fascist regimes operate — overreach, recalibration, normalization. Get louder, not quieter.