the snorer in question:

okay, fisting on live tv ig??

pets softly snoring as they sleep is better than anything hollywood could ever make

somehow the chiefs have made us all cowboys fans today

it's happening

'spatchcocking' sounds like it should be a sex thing

the platonic ideal of music groups is rockapella

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

this is where being a non white new englander rules because I get to be a j crew wearing, education loving, emotionally avoidant reprobate while still getting my due culinary respect

🚨THANKSGIVING EMERGENCY HOTLINE IS OPEN🚨 I have been cooking everything but the pies for Thanksgiving for over 20 years, let me know if you need advice!

the enduring popularity of the marvel character venom is at least 50% due to people of all genders imagining what that tongue do tho

i have made the executive decision to leave work early today

once again repeating the mantra: please don't be trans please don't be trans please don't be trans please don't be trans please don't be trans

wait fuck ten years ago i'd just started law school, how the hell has it been a decade already

RIP to MEL magazine, the only outlet that would ever dare to commission nea to write this story and the only one that would ever allow me to say something like this for it

every girl should transitions ~20 years out from high school, since then fashion will have wrapped back around and styles she lusted after in high school are popular again and she can actually wear them this time

"1-2 cloves of garlic" please

my gender exists in all genders simultaneously and changes whenever it's observed

the enduring popularity of the marvel character venom is at least 50% due to people of all genders imagining what that tongue do tho

now i'm just imagining boozy deviled eggs, like just scooping out the yolks and replacing them with savory jello shots

it's just me and the receptionist in the office today, i can totally justify taking a two hour lunch break right?

my boobs feel heavier and boobier the day after i eat a bunch of fish every time. i doubt this is a real thing but i'm riding that psychosomatic manifesting as long as i possibly can either way.

if you haven't watched this episode yet you will never guess the context of this screencap/quote.

this is why my japanese girlfriend bottoms for me

the virgin sixteen years of complicated pleadings and thousands of man hours of discovery and litigation vs the chad briefcase full of money

problematic gauge gap

today is going to set new records for unproductive full work days

No. The Thing is a movie about a bunch of people who all distrust and hate each other trapped in one building as the tension between them slowly builds until it reaches a breaking point. It's a Thanksgiving movie.

i cant stress enough that the 4th amendment factually doesnt exist any more, be careful out there

tfw you don't have any photos from ten years ago because you didn't voluntarily pose for photos until transitioning

So this happened in Oslo yesterday. Four articulated buses got stuck in a roundabout.

someone check on Marcus

Daily life at work in the winter with ADHD and mild hypertension: 1. Hands get dry 2. Realize later you should lotion them, so do so 3. Your diuretic immediately informs you that you have to pee 4. Use restroom and wash hands Repeat

getting motivated to work out by reminding myself that if my body changes enough i'll have to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe

you should be able to leave work an hour or two early on a holiday week like this and everyone should agree that's good enough

ME POSTING: Good pussy sound like the Silent Hill radio ME AFTER I NOTICE A FAMOUS PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME: More than ever it is so inportant to be apprised of all that is to be and furthermore to learn of all that could in the best manner we are able as this is the true delight of Life

without looking, is this about a dude shit talking apple pie or a trans girl shit talking fallout new vegas?

can't wait for the first bitch with non standard pronouns to be canonized so we can all pray to holy she/it

The back label is a thing of beauty

hi, footwear expert here! jandals only look like this when they are extremely distressed

The greatest lie the devil ever told is that shower sex is great

your honor, in my defense, i was gay yearning

pleased to report that my tinned seafood era is going swimmingly so far

fuck

that i can't simultaneously be visibly ripped af and also bombshell curvy is actually super transphobic

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year when lawyers miss deadlines, clients are unreachable, and adjournment requests go unanswered.

lol sign worked

hi, footwear expert here! jandals only look like this when they are extremely distressed

dick fitts in my heart always

it's probably fine and normal that my shoulder has had pain and restricted range of motion in certain directions for like 3 months now right