Current events notwithstanding, it’s crazy how being back at work for just two weeks has ruined my entire life

The two most important human endeavors are inventing and eating regional variations of foods

every single day I stop myself from posting pictures of the shinzo abe gun

I can’t believe the evil betting market eroding all aspects of public life has the name of a whole grain breakfast cereal

Remembered that I get to bail to San Francisco for a few days next week and started levitatating

I do feel a little better about watching Illinois get obliterated by this Indiana team so hard that their season never recovered

So does Indiana winning the CFP fix the timeline or do we still have to get the Cubs to lose a WS

We are all Cow

God it rules that America is collapsing because the opposition is so addicted to posting they forgot they're the ones who can actually do Congress stuff

Heartwarming: Man Excitedly Becomes Banjo-Kazooie Character

If you only got your news from the front page of Reddit you’d probably believe that Trump has been hours from death and/or impeachment every day for the last year

[with the historical gravitas of “Cultural Revolution” or “Great Leap Forward”] Five Buckets

Shoveled my sidewalk with a broom

TRUMP: Trump Nobel Peace Prize. Practical Trump world award NORWEGIAN PM: No, Trump. We can't give you a Nobel Peace Prize. TRUMP: Good prize good Trump give terrific Trump deserve president NORWEGIAN PM: Trump, we simply can’t award you a Nobel Peace Prize. We have no role in it. TRUMP: jealousy PM

Waiting for laundry to dry, thought I'd recount a tale in a style of American Splendor while waiting. @pkmonaghan.bsky.social you might like this.

Jesus on the cross:

Pounding a nail that says “ableism discourse” through my foot

One of the only good things about this job is making placeholder content. Currently building a fake dashboard app for the Nakatomi Corporation and populating all the names with the cast of Die Hard

Sun came out for 10 seconds

If I was Machado I’d put some kind of bomb in the Nobel. Like the Castro exploding cigar trick

Indiana dating scene

Retvrn

Good morning

I mean, I guess I missed the part where a governor’s mandate comes from whether or not various paramilitary organizations in their state like them or not

God you just know those mpls signal chats are going crazy right now

Some ICE vehicles got taken and a streamer is saying that the entire MPLS city wide battle plan, operational overviews, tactical details and agent lists + id info just got found in the car lmao these clowns driving around with hatchbacks full of their whole shit like the villains in an immersive sim

Another vehicle opened. Back was full of license plates, gear, various fed patches.

I want to focus on the specific wording of "wild" here. In every sense, the middle of the Pacific Ocean is a wilderness

"That's the peaceful protestors" I don't recall saying peaceful

Moved all posting to bsky: God’s chosen, will see the kingdom of heaven Still crossposting between both sites: mired in Satan’s temptations, the cause of their own suffering, may yet be redeemed through good works and prayer Never left Twitter: we all fucking see you

This is why you can't afford RAM anymore

Google isn’t what it used to be but under all the bloat the search algorithm still has it

I am introducing an act that requires ICE agents to wear traditional Japanese 𝑛𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑟𝑖, a vertical identifying banner mounted on the backs of the noble 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑢𝑟𝑎𝑖 warrior class, that displays their highest grade school reading level achieved.

Imagine the sound this would make hitting Steve-O’s back on an episode of Jackass

Can’t you just hand me a paper gestapo agent like before the pandemic

You ever take a thirty minute power nap so good you wake up thinking it’s 6:42pm on Friday

g r a u p e l

I spent last night looking through that Flickr album of the long-obliterated neighborhood around Roosevelt and Damen in the 70s and I can’t help but think those people probably did not get one million chances to save their homes from actual destruction

Personally I think these sociopaths should not get 1600 chances to fuck things up for the rest of us

Men only want one thing and it's to play the 3rd horn part of Bizet's "Farandole" with the orchestral homies

This in particular is a real mask-off moment for Third Way because their entire scold assumes that A: people want immigration enforcement at all, and B: it's possible to do immigration enforcement without extreme and arbitrary violence toward innocent people

You ever just look at the state of Illinois on a map and think damn. What a fine specimen

I am once again asking Minnesotans to open their fire hydrants to the feds

Democrats are addicted to validating the premise of American fascism. They just cannot help themselves

How come I can bike 100 miles and walk around just fine the next day but I do like 7 demo squats for the personal trainer just to check my range of motion and my legs feel like hell over 24 hours later

People born this century might not realize how “nationally syndicated comic strip artist” used to be a career track that all but guaranteed a slice of beloved pop culture immortality, and thus how hard Scott Adams had to fuck up to be remembered as a misogynist goblin with a weird torso instead