I missed the whole bsky kerfuffle today. I miss everything.

takes out my brain and throws it in the trash

The amount of things that I am over has quadrupled in size rather quickly.

I keep my replies to myself and instead leave someone else's.

it’s fine everything is fine i’m handling things *forced laughter*

Bad Joke Friday! 🩷

All these people that have started following me because of a cat photo are gonna block me when they find out what I'm really like.

ticks because tocks need balance

this snake is judging the shit out of you. you know what you did

Apparently I don’t know where I was born but so glad I get a second shot with some more security questions I custom made 9 years ago! … ah shit. Guess I’m never accessing this account again then

This is my vape pen, this is my gummy. This is for lungs, and this is for tummy.

Don’t judge me for raising an iPad baby. She was happy and I had things to do dammit.

Some people are only lovable from afar . . . the further the better.

i still haven’t found what i’m looking for ovation & prs

you’re as fine as 180 grit sandpaper

some of my friends in high school smoked cloves and some of us weren't posers

clicking the safety off, she returned to work.

someone just replied "big sad" in teams group chat.

speaking of handies and kia souls, im free tonight

telling myself i dont want to talk about it because even im sick of hearing about it

It always sucks mourning something that never really existed.

I know life is difficult but you ever been in someone’s house and you can’t access the wifi.

motherfucking turkey vultures are my bird of the day that’s what’s UP

i’m not a girl i’m the eye of sauron

Pepperoni has an existential crisis.

“family recipe” meanwhile the recipe is just adding an irresponsible amount of butter to a famous julia child dish

Am I going mad or are blackberry, blackcurrant, red currant and orange not fruit?

If you ever nominate something and nothing happens then quote posts and comments have been disabled and we all agreed to just quietly walk away with the money

fuck bette davis, i’ve got mountain dew eyes

they should make greg posts that aren’t mid

my phone won’t unlock until im visibly disgusted with the state of the world

there’s no falutin when i’m high

the next password i’m asked to create is going to be a spell so watch out interwebz things are about to get freaky

I'm tired of being forced to accept things I can not accept.

Maybe both. Good morning! 🩷

To me, you’re priceless. Just like the Kohl’s Cash at the bottom of my purse.

him: your lips are so full and inviting me: thx i was attacked by wasps

Listen, your posts have been really great lately. You can go ahead and kick off early today.

they should make reality shows that are fictional

Skeeters have more fun

you can’t be mean to me in june so get it all out of your system now

I can't do psychedelics dude sometimes I get freaked out by a font

look it's not very good snack mix if you're actively searching for the pretzels

the first rule of flight club is to get good running shoes

third base is when she lets you use the good hand towel

Why do my dogs look like they belong to old money and spend weekends at the lake retrieving mallards.

Used to be “drive till you’re empty.” Now it’s “drive till you’re bankrupt.” —same thing, really.

is it safe

being my ex means never having to say you’re sorry

Why blame me when the whole world is a travesty?