Eating my feelings today. Penguins (not real ones) Curly Wurlies Good job there's no cake in the house.

At least if someone gives him their award, we'd be spared the swimsuit round.

'You, boy! A tenner on Trump to be the next Miss World...'

One of today's more unreasonable statements: Would it kill you to put that in the dishwasher?

My appointment at the Impatience Clinic can't come a moment too soon.

Apparently Iran has threatened to assassinate Trump if they are attacked.

Ditto Jenrick. Another arsehole.

An anagram of Robert Jenrick is I'm desperate don't judge me.

20yo free to a home. Doesn't have to be a good one.

Has anyone on here seen The Playboy of the Western World at the National Theatre?

Change one letter, ruin a show. Hatch of the Day.

Change one letter, ruin a show. Moose Women

An evening editing. More post mortem wordage. Don't judge me.

Woman on CNN this morning who'd clearly had her face pulled over her head and body then stitched.

Watched The Departed last night. Very good film, but frequently distracted by the absurdity of Ray Winstone's 'Boston' accent. That's him on the right.

Nadhim Zahawi is the perfect illustration of Plato's idea, 'Only those who do not seek power are qualified to hold it'. Yes, he's an arsehole. #Zahawi #Arsehole

Was on the brink of spending 37 quid on a can of hair volumising and texturising spray when I thought 'Fuck that'. #Monday

West Ham United need a cup run like I need another Christmas.

That was 'I Wanna be American' by Tommy Gammon and the Robinsons.

There's a better class of weirdo on here because I don't need to delete selfies.

Party season is over. But I'm going to one, suckers.

Occasionally I look at 'Books and Writing' rather than 'Following'. Generally, it's either someone trying to sell their novel or being insufferably pompous about writing.

This evening I'm watching Conclave for the second time.

I fucking despair at this shitshow of a world.

My God-bothering health-coach cousin lives in Texas. Her FB feed is relentless optisim. Gets right on my wick. She posted asking friends what they think of their 75° January. Tempted to reply it's global warming that her 'God' can do fuck all about.

I've had better Tuesdays.

Nowt like having a heated argument with your ex who still lives in your house because he's broke. #ffs

My guess is she's Venezuela's first lady who was seized by the US.

Jeezus fuck. Some people can't tell an obvious joke from serious comment.

A fun part of writing is referencing little things from one's own life. This cemetery is where my dad was buried 16 months ago.

FIFA wants its Piss Prize back.

January stretches before us like the insufferably dull bastard it is.

HNY, one and all!

Back to editing.

Who knew There are wankers on Bluesky too #poetry

Sense of humour bypass.

I'm reminded of the time the dog literally tore his toy elephant a new arsehole.

23 suggests we meet for breakfast tomorrow. She neglects to say who will pay. 🤔

It was the Monday after Christmas and our ageing author considered whipping down the tree.

Went into M&S for a pineapple and came out with a coat for £34.50. Not sure it's particularly chic, though 🤔

Fuck Christmas. There, I said it.

Thank God that's over.

I have a new cardie. ##gertcha

Merry Christmas

ET is on.

Search your first name then 'glamour shot' and post a photo.

Look, an actual free entertaining post about how shit relationships are which you don't have to pay to read! Don't say I haven't given you anything for Christmas. arianesherine.substack.com/p/relationsh...

Can't be arsed to type it again.

Put up yesterday. A new record. A string of lights remains in the box because I. Could. Not. Be. Arsed.

Don't blow my trumpet very often but my brownies are utterly delicious.