The anti-Sturgeon brigade are out in force tonight. bsky.app/profile/glen...

Of course she fecking shouldn’t. This shouldn’t even need to be said. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

this arsenal team; they’re no wealdstone, are they?

Me, age 12: I can be anything I want Me, age 18: I can be successful if I work hard Me, now: I can be back from the shops by 1 if I go now

Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother, Check It Out Now, The Funk Soul Brother, Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother, Check It Out Now, The Funk Soul Brother, Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother, Check It Out Now… - Two Funk Soul Brothers trying to sort out their television aerial

Just seen a programme about whales on the telly. I've studied them extensively, been interested in them for years and actually consider myself to be an expert in them. Wonderful fish.

Me, age 12: I can be anything I want Me, age 18: I can be successful if I work hard Me, now: I can be back from the shops by 1 if I go now

Hope he’s ok.

Of course she fecking shouldn’t. This shouldn’t even need to be said. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

"so, what are you up to these days?" "animal husbandry" "you've married a chicken again, haven't you?" "we're very happy".

LIven up a trip to the park by lying on the floor as a jogger passes and yelling “No, go on without me. I’ll only hold you back”.

so...shirtless

Music FACT: Australian singer-songwriter Sia has a younger sister called Wouldntwannabia.

Well said, Richie Sadlier. bsky.app/profile/elec...

Spanish film idea. A woman sees her son wrongly imprisoned & immediately sets out to have him released. It's called Bye Juan, Get Juan Free.

"Do you like Tolstoy?" "Of course. Who doesn't?" "What's your favourite book?" "The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".

Spanish film idea. A woman sees her son wrongly imprisoned & immediately sets out to have him released. It's called Bye Juan, Get Juan Free.

Music FACT: Country music star Willy Nelson was named after a now banned wrestling hold.

Music FACT: Australian singer-songwriter Sia has a younger sister called Wouldntwannabia.

Just seen a programme about whales on the telly. I've studied them extensively, been interested in them for years and actually consider myself to be an expert in them. Wonderful fish.

A fare dodger on the train was entertaining us with impressions of beans. When the ticket inspector came along he did a runner.

WATSON: why are you still wearing my tie and Moriarty's suit? HOLMES: I like to keep my friends clothes & my enemies clothes, sir.

When some fecker takes pleasure in telling you your post has been done before.

me: also, what’s up with cherry tomatoes ? are they cherries or tomatoes ? my gynecologist: what

Well said, Richie Sadlier. bsky.app/profile/elec...

Waiter: You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me. So, what'll it be, sir? Customer: Can I hear the specials again?

Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.

Been sitting on a pile of French bread and pasta strips for so long that I've now got pains and noodles. You heard.

FILM IDEA. Planet of the Apes but with chickens. I'm calling it Chicken Of The Apes.

Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time, you are near? Just like me, you seem to be, made of seeds.

"Zippy played guitar, jamming good with George and Bungle." David Rainbowie.

WATSON: why are you still wearing my tie and Moriarty's suit? HOLMES: I like to keep my friends clothes & my enemies clothes, sir.

Politics FACT: In the House of Commons, the Chief Whip is the one with a walnut on his head.

My little dog keeps biting on my guitar pedal. Well, he is a chewwahwah.

"Zippy played guitar, jamming good with George and Bungle." David Rainbowie.

You say hello we say goodbye, goodbye goodbye

There she is, dick of the day.

cornetto

Waiter: You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me. So, what'll it be, sir? Customer: Can I hear the specials again?

there aren’t many prannies about these days, are there? time was, you couldn’t move for prannies and dimlows.

🎶You're so vane, You probably spin a lot when it's windy...🎶

Carly Simon: he might be vain but to be fair the song is about him.

We really need to fully bed in the idea that the default position of someone wearing the Meta camera glasses is that they are a pervert

The thing with Pride Month is that you don’t have to take part in it if you don’t want to. It won’t affect you in any way whatsoever. It’s not compulsory, and nor is being a total fucking wanker about it either. bsky.app/profile/popc...

And if any women is disgusted by this objectification of their body by JK Rowling, please make your voice heard by following @nionwomen.bsky.social and signing their letter👇 notinourname.org.uk

STOP TELLING ME AI IS THE FUTURE OH MY GOD

Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.

"Ah, Mr Bond. I've been expecting you." - James Bond’s mum after giving birth to James Bond.

Been sitting on a pile of French bread and pasta strips for so long that I've now got pains and noodles. You heard.

FILM IDEA. Planet of the Apes but with chickens. I'm calling it Chicken Of The Apes.