It’s that time of the year where I go: should I get a fringe

You simply cannot make me spend my time on this stuff. Oh the president said Tylenol causes autism? Well it doesn't. No I'm not going to pore through research papers to prove it to you. That's not what my time is for. My time is for playing videogames and gazing lovingly at my wife.

no ethical consumption under calpol autism

You got the Tylenol Autism, I got the Calpol Autism, we’re not the same

This pair look like the villains in a movie where the hero is a dog.

A BBC investigation finds asylum seekers trapped in dilapidated hotels, spending years in administrative limbo, indebted to criminal gangs and yes, moved arbitrarily so that they have to take taxis across the country for routine GP appointments. Government response? Stop the taxis.

Crazy thing to say out loud to a journalist

Does Tylenol cause autism? Did Bella Hadid give me Limes Disease? Is the Cookie Monster my biological father?

My new favourite bit is whenever I’m watching a crime show and a character is arrested for a crime I go “oh what is [crime they’ve been arrested for] a crime now” and I enjoy it very much

it's Bilbo and Frodo's birthday and i just got done rereading LOTR for the hundredth time or whatever. here's the moment that stuck with me the most time time (from Faramir's ambush of the Haradrim in Two Towers)

I have to pick my dad up from a hospital appointment and I don’t want to pay for parking so I’m trying to time with military precision to arrive so I can pick him up curbside when he gets out and I feel like the getaway driver in a heist

Had to put air in my own tyres, I hate playing God

BREAKING: The governments of Canada, Australia and the UK have formally recognised the Palestinian state. 🔴 LIVE updates: aje.io/lcqb2s

NEW: This is a story I worked really hard on. I spoke to four American trans people about why they're claiming asylum in Canada or the Netherlands. It's an eye-opening window into just how unsafe people now feel here — and what drove them to that point. www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...

If I was a rugby player I’d simply ask to play with a normal ball

what’s the fucking point

It's Friday night, and you know what that means! Time to put on a horse costume and stand motionless in my neighbor's garden for 6 hours

can't really begin to explain the extent to which I do Not want to be filmed without my knowledge by someone wearing smart glasses while out and about

This is so messed up.

Sorry I was late to your wedding, my flight was canceled because my pilot posted a Charlie Kirk quote verbatim in the comments of an Instagram Reel.

you’re doing my man all wrong

extremely conservative christian cafe opens with a “this is home” mural the “e” is also their logo, it is on everything

surely not

Men aren’t hot like Robert Redford anymore

JUST DID THE MOST GUTTERAL SCREAM

Yeah she’s been dead for three years

Can’t believe they blow up Downton Abbey at the end

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

Do you think unbending Clippy until he was a long piece of metal would be painful for him. Or do you think it would cause him to feel a great sense of relief

imagine thinking you’ve found the love of your life and then you find out he goes down to London with a big England flag to impress a 5’6 lad who doesn’t care if he lives or dies

There are very, VERY few people who are equipped to talk about this shooter correctly given the brainrot written on the shell casing. You have to understand so much of online culture to get it and also understand how that culture is both connected to and separate from real world ideological spaces

STARMER: hey I'm appointing this close friend of the world's most notorious paedophile to be US ambassador :) BRITISH PRESS: ok :) [One year later] BRITISH PRESS: wait a minute

Transgender people are owed a retraction and apology from @wsj.com. The lie has already become canon to millions and it seems the least they could do.

government of losers

Harry Workman is the fakest name I’ve ever heard

no reading ancient texts

Someone get him a dose of Covid to commiserate with

Look at this marrow I bought at the side of the road for 50p

Ambassador??? I barely know her!!!!!

Tough choice for Starmer to sack Mandelson, but we can all agree it was masterful of him to only do this after 48 solid hours saying he would not sack him because he really really likes and trusts the guy who supported the most famous paedophile the world has ever known.

Gary Lineker on winning the National TV Award, "It's not lost on me why I might have won this award" "Aside from presenting Match of the Day.." "Also, I think it demonstrates that perhaps it's ok sometimes to use our platform to speak up on behalf of those who have no voice"

Anyone else out there just trying their best x