London pals: I went to press night of Mother Courage at The Globe. I knew nothing about it going in and I was truly moved and blown away and all the good things you hope for from theatre. See it if you can I reckon.

Have this man burned at the stake

I want to show you all my outfit today mostly because I’m wearing a Wallace and Gromit tie

There’s a Waymo corpse under the cul-de-sac

Reform Councillor speaking about Doncaster Sheffield airport. You won’t believe your ears!

When they say celebrity do they mean……

Make Owen Cooper James Bond but he’s doing his apprenticeship

Contemplating making up a dire take about Andy Burnham pseudo popularity being pretty privilege

I think this maybe the most niché bit of trivia I’ve ever heard.

Is this two children in an elongated suit

the UK now has the least transphobic Health Secretary in years (nobody)

Lads what is going on I’ve just seen a slutty David Miliband fan edit, what year are we in

How do I get someone to let me have a go in an HGV

Right own up who told her to do it for the bit

Give it to Big Ange to the end of the season

I don't want a battle of ideas. I want wealthy people and businesses to pay a fair share of taxes because the wealth does not trickle down and we're all poorer for it, and I want racists and transphobes to stop having undue influence of government policy.

He’s going to rename it 10 Downing Streeting isn’t he

i'll always remember where i was when i heard that Wes Streeting had resigned as health secretary in order to challenge Keir Starmer for the leadership: i was at home, checking the news to see if Wes Streeting had resigned as health secretary in order to challenge Keir Starmer for the leadership

Wes Streeting has resigned to take the job he was born to do…regional sales manager for Moss Bros

Walking through Soho like a normal person, swinging my arms and unfortunately a man was walking slightly too close behind me and I may have whacked him in the groin. Thankfully he apologised to me so.

Spotted on Tumblr…

Trees are woke actually so this tracks

BAN THE PERVERT GLASSES

Fine I’ll do it

interesting rationale from a prospective juror in the Elon Musk Twitter stock manipulation case

Why don’t I just murder myself at home

heard a guy say "you have to access it through the portal" and i was momentarily struck by how sad it is that what he said is so boring :( "accessing it via the portal" should be wonderful. we deserve that at least. it should be cool to access it via the portal and instead it sucks shit

why do we not have lower case and upper case for numbers

Me sending one email that has little to no chance of precipitating anything bad happening: I am so brave

I should call him

This is so bleak, ie take away our desire for (affordable, generic) food so that we can focus on buying expensive consumer products. www.ft.com/content/5ffb...

Well it worked for David Cameron

So I’m on Hinge atm and am having a fruitless time but this man just popped up and in his blurb he had like “I’m a fan of traditional values” and then in his pics you can see he has a massive neck tattoo, now call me a pedant

Just found out Al Carns and Alun Cairns are two different men btw

where have you been bitch, where have you bloody been

I don’t think think this movie will create a new sexual orientation but whatever your sexual orientation is it will be doubled after you see it

I just paid 5 (five) British Pounds for two (2) chicken breasts and I can’t help but feel like the French would have set the London Eye on fire by this point do you know what I mean

All the politics stuff just feels so tedious when I think about how I am going into week SIX of waiting to find out if I might have skin cancer, frankly xxxx

Instead if one big meeting where you all tell me I'm shit I would like to be told by you individually that I'm shit

In the way that if your car broke down in the middle of the woods at night the best option is to simply allow yourself to be killed by the local Leatherface type character

Keir Starmer has resigned, that's right, resigned himself to the fact there's a long three years ahead of being prime minister

i bet the person that discovered fire probably thought they were going to get in trouble at first

selling a photo of Keir Starmer eating a big plate of sloppy spaghetti to the tabloids for five grand

keir

i will simply incant "do NOT corrupt me. make NO mistakes" before wielding the One Ring