If I had murdered someone and then Miss Marple turned up to stay in the village where I’d done it I would simply kill myself on the spot

HAHAHAHA pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30101594/

I actually can’t look at any more food I’m sick of it

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

Has anyone seen the game show Picture Slam with Alan Carr? Sometimes there is delay/overlap with contestants saying the answer or passing and Alan saying correct/wrong and I find it jarring x

I really feel like I’m one purchase in the sales away from becoming the woman I always hoped I’d be

Just need to make it clear that I plan to become more beautiful and powerful in 2026 so this is your formal warning

will also add - yes, this is my personal crusade - that turning podcasts into videos implicitly asks women to once again make more effort than men, as the bar for "camera-ready" for one gender is obviously higher than for the other

Shaking my head as I watch the Christmas Would I Lie To You so everyone knows I disagree with Walliams being there

If Keir Starmer had been Prime Minister when Paddington went to jail he would have tried to bring back hanging

Upon realising Paddington was the bear who shaved his head, Judge Tom Conti should have recused himself from Paddington’s trial

I think that Luther and Paddington exist in the same London based universe

If I was in The Great Escape I would have just walked out the front gate

Afflicted by a terrible case of quite tired and tummy hurt

PARSON BROWN WAS A SHAM. YOU WERE MARRIED BY A SNOWMAN. YOUR MARRIAGE ISN'T LEGAL. YOUR CHILDREN ARE BASTARDS.

It never stops being funny to me that in the dark alternate universe of It’s a Wonderful Life Mary is a librarian

I actually feel so sad when they are being mean to Michael Caine Scrooge when he’s visiting with the ghosts, there’s only so much a man can take

Scrooge’s nephew in a Muppet’s Christmas Carol is the same guy who killed Luther’s wife btw

joseph and mary would have loved social media, the way they expected everyone to worship their child

He’s making a list He’s checking it twice One day it’ll be released By the Dept of Just-ice

Just accidentally dumped half a bottle of nail varnish remover on my duvet if anyone cares

Post through it Alan

I think you should text your crush. Fuck it. It’s Christmas x

Absolutely getting it in the neck over here for serving Mum a glass of red cooking wine instead of the red drinking wine

lol. lmao.

Reckon Paddington would actually get quite grating after a while, like he’d be the friend you could only see once a year for one afternoon because he’s a bit much

Would love to know the process for all the channels picking the Christmas movies they get to broadcast. Is it a ballot system? Do they bid? Is it a lottery? Like why is Ch4 showing the Frozen sequel on Christmas Day, surely you’d go with Frozen 1

The bit in Miracle on 34th St where Father Christmas does sign language for the deaf kid gets me every time

“Leaving behind over 3 million followers” is a crazy thing to write lol

Preston the dog from A Close Shave is in the EDL

We must gatekeep Wallace and Gromit from the Americans at all costs

Enjoying every single post from someone screenshotting their food delivery that includes either a missing centrepiece Christmas dinner item or an inappropriate substitution, keep them coming, show respect to Christmas retail workers xxxx

So confused as to why people are annoyed at the cricket boys going out drinking of their off time, why is this a story, they should be allowed to smoke and drink on the pitch

In a just universe Odysseus would be played by Jason Statham

Desperate to know what the actual Minions script reads like

If you’re not falling in love with me, you’re falling in love against me

Terrible etiquette from the celebs on Christmas University Challenge. Paxman would have shot on sight.

[snowman magically comes to life in garden] BOY: wow! a snowman! what incredible adventures we shall have- SNOWMAN: oi. your dad still got his original teeth? BOY: uh...no? SNOWMAN: great. I'm gonna go wear your dad's teeth and put on your mum's make up while they're sleeping, that's cool right

Not Russell again????

Having to tell your Dad who is complaining about the old people walking slowly around the supermarket that he is the old people walking slowly around the supermarket

Dimitri from Anastasia I will always love you

Why is it called a Carol service and not a Jesus service, it’s not like Carol was born on Christmas Day

A Christmas present directly to me?????

The thing about the film The Holiday is neither of those couples have very good chemistry

Not Chris Rea 😭

I love going to the supermarket in the days before Christmas. Human nature at its finest. Tempers at a knife edge, the stakes arguably low.

We've done some boxing by mistake

Dad just referred to my socks as gloves by mistake and is trying to style it out with “they’re gloves for the feet”