Bruce Pearl primary Tommy Tuberville challenge

I took more attempts to parallel park in traffic to advance in the captcha game than it took Nathan Fielder to land a 737. My driver license should be revoked.

terrified that if the rapture is real and the people who think they're going, go, we will have to deal with thousands of dogs trained to bark at black people roaming free

I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral

An interesting thing about the Hague Invasion Act is that the President of the United States doesn't *have to* enforce it to protect war criminals from a prior administration any more than it has to prioritize enforcement of any other law.

buddy the only people less likely to be raptured than us are credit card company debt collectors

probably true but also hilarious to think that they handed Homan a bag of cash but prosecution relied on the Trump DOJ indicting one of their own

surely then he scored many points on second down

halftime breaking news update that charlie kirk is still dead

@skookses.bsky.social this is what he saved the time outs for

thank you

I can't believe I'm going to have to talk about this game

real burn to go down 3 tds and the next screen over is showing mac jones week 2 stats

I will be so mad because I am spending this weekend writing briefs due on Tuesday

uh oh it's just like us

this is like michael rapaport's complaint that being white has cost him roles as if he was competing with denzel to play malcolm x instead of competing with every white guy to play any white guy and any role he has gotten is because of his homeboy shtick

last listen before a new game day?

lol uh oh

folks, this is the reaction you want to your dumbest jokes

more like department of homies' insecurities

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY! THE STOPPABLE FORCE ENCOUNTERS THE MOVABLE OBJECT!

conservatives understand blowback perfectly well when they are sending death threats to someone for making a Charlie Kirk joke but not at all if, say, a guy is upset that Charlie Kirk was arguing that his partner is an offense against God whose existence should be illegal

huh. what happened?

In honor of farm aid being up the street from my office, I’m bringing the bus driver post back from Gehenna:

good season liberty not as good as last season but i did go to a game this year, so, better for me?

Dark roasts make good times Good times make soft drinks Soft drinks make soft men Soft men make mocha frappes

i don't know what to do with the information that pro-choice referenda win in red states but pro-choice candidates don't. i can't figure out what issue a democratic candidate is supposed to give on to make up ground in the head to head race and i'll bet the answer is nearly as ugly.

it's not complicated. it's the nexus of their two gayest archetypes: the blue-haired socialist barista and the latte-sipping citified liberal.

wait until you hear where we get a lot of doctors every year

signing an executive order to have you executed for calling him president cheeto

the most important thing the starbucks union can work for is negotiating a clause that says when someone says their name is "put christ back in christmas" or "for charlie kirk" the barista can ask for ID or even reply "just tell me your fucking name"

anyone who can pay $1,000,000 to bribe the president is exceptionally something

"Jimmy Kimmel was funny until he said i was a loser and at that point only other people thought he was funny."

single issue voter on bulldozing the ballroom on live tv after sanding the names of the donors off

i think he's going to stop by a few ministries with aggressively retrograde beliefs first but sure in five years he'll be in cooperstown unless he goes full schilling

one of the most insane constants in media has been "if a trans person says they are being discriminated against by a cis scociety" the trans person is an activist, as determined by a cis person. this pattern may feel familiar to any POC or cis woman.

re last RT, @clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social's attorney - @maxrodriguezlaw.bsky.social - is someone i used to work with. great guy, great attorney. small practice. money that goes to pay him for doing this work is money well-spent and well-earned.

So um. This is what's been up with me for the last year. I hate hate hate asking but very much appreciate your support. www.gofundme.com/f/fund-me-if...

This is a very 11th Circuit thing to do. CA 11 is, from what I can tell, unique in telling litigants to STFU and get to the point. There is a principle called "shotgun pleading" - kind of like a Gish Gallop - without really parsing your claims and the 11th Circuit hates it and makes you reset.

It's so futile to talk about prior SCOTUS decisions in a Calvinball world but in 2017, there was a denaturalization case brought against the wife of a Serbian war criminal who lied about her husband's role (Maslenjak). Easy case on the facts but the gov took a much broader litigation position.

this would hit harder if everyone didn't laugh? not going to get too high and mighty that's exactly how it would sound if it were on a podcast with me, but this is supposed to be a more sober discussion. i feel like if i were in chris's chair the laughing would be more clearly directed at ben smith.

gchatted this to @monkeywire.bsky.social so i could hear her react from the next room

this is what jeb does when he isn't rubbing my nose in a 49ers win over the saints (take my pinned post... please)

how do people end up following/RTing accounts like this? not idiots, mind you: people smart enough to be followed by me. do you have no discretion at all? this is like retweeting a paper called the Macomb Eagle-Justice that has no physical presence in Georgia and is housed on a facebook page

my wife finishes buckling my tear gas bandolier and kisses me sadly on the cheek. I hug my children. They don't know if I'll even be coming back to read them a bedtime story on any given day. It's the danger inherent to my job: finding the smallest woman I can and hurling her across a paved road

“Class depolarization” was a 60-year experiment conducted by Harvard University. Thank you for your time. You have now been automatically enrolled in a subsequent trial, “class repolarization.” www.semafor.com/article/09/1...

signing up for protests is not bad because it puts you on a government watchlist it's that it puts you on a fundraising pitch list. much worse. the government can do meaner things to you but probably won't. the fundraisers will haunt you until you are dead and then continue to haunt your children.

will nobody rid me of these meddlesome comedians, lawyers, reporters, foreigners, antifa teens, winemoms, farmers, tgirls, twinks,

everything in 2025 feels like snl in 1987 where dukakis's closing argument at the last debate was "i can't believe i'm losing to this guy" and the next week's show had ghwb spending his leftover campaign cash on "one last negative ad" to slander dukakis