Putting a half billion dollars into rebuilding Pimlico Racetrack is the worst misuse of money happening right now in Baltimore. Laurel Park just canceled racing this Saturday bc they (regularly) can't get enough entries... (1/2)

First Noam Chomsky is in the files. Then Kristi Noem gets canned. If I were this guy, I'd watch my back.

You have to be 21 to bet on FanDuel, but MINORS are allowed to bet on when we bomb foreign countries and pass laws against trans people. Wtf is wrong with our society?!?

@nbcnews.com Jose-Diaz Balart's reporting on Cuba is the most one-sided, insanely subjective view on the events imaginable. He speaks with a cold hatred, from an utterly unsympathetic POV. We might as well take what Trump says about Cuba as scripture, while we are DESTROYING a beautiful country.

An open letter to Jeremy Piven: Sir, I was at your show at the Arlington Drafthouse last night. (I was the chubby redhead who had you sign PCU stuff.) Almost never one to fan out, I have absolutely adored your acting since 1986. So, with all due respect, I have to ask: WTF ARE YOU THINKING?

I was lamenting that Israeli NBA player Deni Avdija ever left the Washington Wizards, because his nickname there (The Wizraeli) was great. My buddy instantly responded that it's no big deal, because now he can just go by The Denocide. 🏀

Everybody knows that talcum baby powder causes ovarian cancer. But nobody talks about the decades when that same powder was used to cut cocaine... How many people have died from cancers caused by inhaling that asbestos-laced poison? Asking for... many friends.

America's Greatest Generation was all, "We will die for Jewish people's freedom... but they sure as shit can't join our country clubs."

This morning, Buddhist Monks - who traveled 2300 miles from Ft Worth to Washington, D.C. on their Walk for Peace - finished their journey in my hometown of Annapolis... (1/2)

INTERMITTENT SCROLLING FASTING: For the next week, I'll only be looking at social media/news 8-10 nightly. Will respond to all msgs on socials then. Want to reach me, please text. Want to catch up, let's FaceTime/Zoom. I have to get back to living my own life, instead of those of total strangers.

20 yrs ago, James Van Der Beek & I hung out at a very slow car wash on Sunset for an hr & we just chatted the time away. He was so sweet and funny. He was single & I wanted to ask him out, but I was chicken. I grieve for James, his friends & family & all my fellow Xennials who grew up alongside him.

The world MUST hear about Justin Arnwine... Well-known in the East Coast poker world as one of the winningest tournament players in years. Just 2 months ago, he won over $80K topping a tourney. His schtick... (1/2)

Even Dr. Moreau would argue that Epstein's clients should be in prison, and he made half-human beast monsters on his island.

It took me a long time, but I finally figured out that "Trump Derangement Syndrome" is just racist people's way of saying you're crazy for not being racist.

The only thing that could bring Red and Blue Marylanders together right now is Governor Wes Moore changing the state flag. Every able-bodied citizen from Oakland to Ocean City would descend on Annapolis like 4 million fire ants on a piece of pineapple.

Turns out, in fact, that the Tortoise lost the race against the Hair.

WAIT... Epstein "won" an $85 million Powerball ticket?!?! I have long held the belief that the Lottery is not random - that it's a way to pay off spies, operatives, assassins, etc. without leaving a paper trail. This further proves: All my conspiracy theories are true.

All I want is to watch the Super Bowl with someone in the DMV, who will also be high on legal mushroom gummies, so that there's someone there when I start tripping out because the entire halftime show is in Spanish... But apparently all my friends here are "too mature" for that. 🙄

Hey Europeans, you know how Americans have always bragged about saving your countries in WWII? It's finally your chance to make us eat our words! Act now, and you can enjoy 80 years of, "You'd all be speaking Hillbilly if it weren't for us!"

I get a lot of shit from gamblers and family members for tipping too much when I bet in casinos. But dealers at table games are on their feet all day - for legit something like $2.10 an hour in Maryland - dealing with douchebees and drunk people who treat them like dirt, or just fully ignore them...

Most of Seinfeld's "observational humor" is just Jerry not understanding the thing he's making fun of.

Don't make a self-aggrandizing documentary if you don't want me to realize that "Melania Knauss" is an anagram of: LIKE A MAN'S ANUS.

This Amazon driver deserves ALL the raises... Watch till end for sliding, with sound on for giggling!

You know what would help Maryland more than chopping up single family housing? END HORSE RACING... (1/2)

16 years after my diagnosis, I finally have an appt set at my first Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome-specific clinic! Looking forward to going to UVA in October!!

Kiddo was telling me about his new game that's like Minecraft, only you have to ki|| Muslims. He said the Muslims are evil and you have to ki|| them before they ki|| you...

My mother, noted lunatic, is on Smith Island, MD this weekend. It's a tiny, nearly-submerged collection of shacks, w/ zero infrastructure, 45 min by boat from solid land. She has only space heaters - when they inevitably lose electricity, I'll just have to pray that the madwoman makes it out alive.

From the DMV for Alex Pretti. May he rest, for now, in a vengeful anger that explodes within all of us. Then peace.

I bought this platinum coin from the U.S. Mint because I found the irony of celebrating our former right to assemble too much to resist.

Dropped the price on my beloved Baltimore home by $20K! (Trying to make it affordable for residents who will keep the original, historical features of the home - while keeping it too expensive for flippers to buy.) Hit me up if you'd like to take a look - presumably after the storm of the century!

I was a really happy baby... Been chasing that dragon ever since.

Turns out that "kill em' with kindness" doesn't work on a narcissist. Who knew?!

National Guard in Washington, D.C.

At an Airbnb in a nice apt bldg in Hollywood. Use a fob to open the lobby door. Dude in Dodgers hat appears out of nowhere & jumps in right behind me. I get in the elevator, use the fob for my floor & the same guy hops in & presses the floor below mine.... (1/2)

Everyone I know in Los Angeles is struggling just to put food on the table. They're depressed and scared, but they refuse to move anywhere else. I'm going to start calling this phenomenon "Smog-home Syndrome."

I'd like to thank all the poker dudes at the 5-10 no limit hold 'em table at Commerce Casino. I had so much fun tonight, and btw also won $8000 in 2 hours. God, I wish poker in the DMV/Baltimore were as exciting as it always is in LA.

Happy 97th birthday to MLK Jr.... And 103rd to my amazing dad, William E. Dixon...

Views upon departure from DCA. ✈️

DCA > LAX on Alaska Air ✈️ Here's the outside crew at work:

Yesterday morning, I finally hung this painting I've had for ages in my home. I posted a photo of "Praying Fox" and tagged the artist, Los Angeles legend Harry Blitzstein. His daughter quickly messaged me and said that nobody knew yet, but her father had passed away just the night before... (1/2)

Today I hung my latest Harry Blitzstein masterpiece. Created in 1988, it's oil on knotted wood board, entitled "Praying Fox." Only 3.5 years later, this house is finally coming together!

Curated this playlist for the perfect open house... Each song chosen to coerce people to want to buy a house (and to be played on random). There are some Baltimore-specific songs; it's a very chill mix that got a lot of compliments. If you're a realtor, feel free to use it - I guarantee it'll help!

My brain made up 7 insane headlines in the 2 seconds before I scrolled down to see why tf Michael Rapaport is in the news.

I want you to do something for me, please... - Ask yourself, really ask yourself, if there's anyone in your life you love unconditionally. - Tell the person you thought of EXACTLY THAT.

Hey Baltimore... My open house is tomorrow (Sunday, 1/11) from 10 am to noon! Please come take a look and say hi! www.zillow.com/homedetails/...

Now that we've lost the right to assemble, thought I'd buy this coin and see if irony leads to appreciation...

We're not trying to take Greenland for military bases, or natural resources, or misplaced pride... We're doing it because of hardcore alien shit going on in the north. Believe what you want, but this is the truth.

Wrote a script in 2004 about a U.S. civil war started by Fox News, where the gangs of Baltimore band together to protect the city. Execs who read it said, "It's good, but seems too absurd" & "Fantastic, but we can't make it w/ a white girl writer." Both fair, but now the whole thing is coming true.

Malcolm X's birthday should be a recognized holiday this year... And on it, we should do everything he told us to do.