wake me up when Tilly Norwood is a MILF

one day, gravity batteries will be small enough to power household objects like grandfather clocks

hope they were careful when pulling the plug, can hurt if you're too quick with it

praise kinks are so funny, you get turned on by being told how good you are? you love being seen and appreciated? it gets you going to hear how well you've done? do you do SMART objectives in bed?

collared sub reveals preference for weighted blanket, shocking no one

personally I prefer romantasy-à-clef

no more CUM :(

your dad runs a parody nigel farage account on bluesky

not the only thing that CERN shrinks if you know your threads lore

America already had their spiritual World Cup victory anyway (an incredibly trashy wedding of a billionaire singer and her NFL-cum-podcaster husband)

institute for government yet again proving themselves to be a rehab for failcivilservants, is it

when did ur bf start working at Adobe

yeah I don't blame Paris one bit

it's called football culture

baby I'll split your Treasury and drive shared growth 🫦

i literally burst out laughing holy fuck

[three stooges voice]: oh, a wife guy, eh?

You'll be glad to know that the famous Singing Bins of Stansted were on fine form this morning, here performing their excellent version of The Chords' 'Sh-Boom'

Well, we may have lost but at least we look like we cheated

Jesus: I am the Alpha and the Omega booktok: girl you can't be both ffs do the reading

'ha any American candidate would wipe the floor in the UK elections!' *checks the news* One high-ranking US Senator is currently being Weekend-in-Bernie'd whilst another (liberal!) candidate with a nazi tattoo is dropping out, and it's *not* because of the nazi tattoo

there's something so Roman Empire about "the Senator obviously died a couple weeks ago but nobody is allowed to say it"

Removing Florida was not necessary, but it was satisfying.

lads I think it's finally become a big naturals summer

lmao I didn't even see that Martinez resigned too, and apparently Mitch McConnell is braindead?? did someone finally remember to switch the timeline back to Good??

"That's why we hired him," they presumably went on to say

The person who chose this photo knew what they were doing.

"Having completed all I wanted in football there was no need to win the World Cup"

Ronaldo: oh yeah and how many Euros has Messi won???

the arc of the moral universe is surprisingly short and bends towards crashing out of the Round of 16

Ronaldo sent home crying AND the US get utterly and righteously demolished... maybe karma is real

haven’t seen America this thoroughly embarrassed on the world stage since we lost that war we started with Iran like 3 weeks ago

Inject it

goodnight sluts and sluts-adjacent people, wake me up for Ronaldo's tears

speaking of: hydration break lads

shall i compare thee to a girthy futa cock?

sorry has anybody done this bit yet

from now on I'm gonna be saying 'wow you've really got a crab-in-door mentality haven't you'

"I'm an AI, so I wasn't at January 6th," said Norwood. "But election integrity is really important to me. I think they made some great points."

oh also if you've got ADHD, can I interest you in a non-stop loop of: "¿Dónde está estadio azteca?" to the tune of Troy and Abed's spanish rap in Community

[mid-sexting session] oh, actually i wouldn’t be able to do that because my sciatica nerve pinch hello? (*user has blocked you*)

Ominous

Anyway enough footballposting, back to posting about my dick

as I walk through

you know what? close enough. welcome back, chinese emperors swallowing mercury in a deranged quest to avoid death

damn the Treasury are right for once

can't wait for the It's Always Sunny episode about litigating the World Cup Charlie Kelly: Attorney at Soccer Law

posting like i've lost the favor of a loving god