Cat update: after a very stressful morning where he was only slightly more agitated than his owner, Dex has calmed down, stopped peeing on the furniture, has eaten and drank and is now doing what he does best

I can still remember the expression on Lionel Blair's face as he leant across the desk to receive Two Gentlemen of Verona

Reform's ‘plan’ to revoke the legal status of millions of UK residents is morally abhorrent & economic madness The public believe in fairness & mutual respect, not this cruel Trumpian policy that would leave us all poorer. We are not America - we must resist this dangerous turn in British politics.

So that's why we've had to wait over 15 years for Elder Scrolls 6.

the one that annoyed me the most, and which followed me around for the longest, was the woman who wrote a book about shagging 12 men in a year, my friend if you're going to want me to spend £10.99 and read 80,000 words then I'm going to need you to actually put a shift in

A thing the Simpsons should really get credit for are their constant allusions to what a piece of shit Walt Disney was

Repost for Irish Film Classifications by Damien Owens, because it's just come up in FB memories and it's still *brilliant*.

“I could play Stairway To Heaven when I was 12. Jimmy Page didn't actually write it until he was 22. I think that says quite a lot”. - Vim Fuego, Bad News

Bus vignette: there is a woman on this bus perfomatively laughing at her call (on speaker, natch, which is how I know it's not that funny) and force of the loathing being directed at her by everyone else could solve the energy crisis.

The cat has just had a piss on my sofa if you're wondering how Monday is going here.

Not going to read this article as this Cypress Hill-referencing headline is all I need.

The wrestler Mick McManus once took Rod Hull to one side in the green room of a chat show and said "I just want you to know that if the emu attacks me, I will break its neck. Which of course would be your arm."

Tolkien asked her to wait for him and then had no contact with her for five years; on his 21st birthday he wrote to her asking her to marry him and she immediately broke off her engagement with someone else and agreed.

I mean, this was in fact how Tolkien and his wife conducted their romance.

You meet the love of your life but then she leaves you one day for her weird ex who is always writing about elves

Not been concentrating much so missed this very sad news. RIP Matt, far too young. www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

I feel like Varta are getting a bad rap here because their brief wasn’t to provide a rechargeable battery that would last 40 years without puking its guts out because nerds won’t let things die.

The thing I'm most annoyed about with #TheFootball yesterday is despite our manager sabotaging us to the very best of his abilities we should still have gotten at least a point out of the game.

One of the things I love about the retro gaming scene is the amount of effort and energy that goes into reviving a system you may only vaguely rememeber from Dixons in the early 90s - in this case an Acorn Archimedes - that came with a timebomb built in (crap Varta battery which will leak)

Never forgive anyone who apologises in Comic Sans.

He sorted THAT out, no problem.

He heard his fisherman dad has had a particularly rough day at work so he's in a good mood

That looks like a team that is wholly composed of square pegs in square holes. Has Maresca been sacked? #TheFootball

3% saying Not Going Out in a list with no Spaced, no Father Ted. It's Not My Country Anymore. I can accept 1% saying Vicar of Dibley as it tickles a certain kind of twee Sunday evening comedy niche. Not Going Out though? At least Two Pints Of Lager... had a good start to its run.

So, about all of Boris Johnson’s claims in his Daily Heil column:

Man who told his first wife he wanted a divorce while she was in the bath so she couldn't chase after him as he ran away would like a word about courage.

okay we get it, it's a boy

Tiny Tommy's Big Adventure

As British as a Murdoch. on.ft.com/3K9l2Mu

Proper "He must have a foot like a traction engine" goal as well after cutting in from the left wing onto his right foot. #TheFootball

It's peak Guardian to post an article about Meta using photos of schoolgirls from private instagram feeds and putting them onto public Threads feeds, describing such photos as bait in the header, illustrating that story on the socials with one of the photos of a schoolgirl in her school uniform.

As I'm feeling awful and slept horrendously and everything is rubbish, I should pre-emptively congratulate Ruben Amorim on his first win of the season this afternoon #TheFootball

hello who would like to see the most 90s cover of a book ever?

Peter Molyneux told us who he was and everyone chose to ignore him. One good idea and he managed to fuck that up. youtu.be/h_XsmUwgCCo?...

unbelievable taxi firm motto in perth

I did not ask for THIS gift of prophecy

Just woken up after three hours asleep on the sofa

British scientist here. Can confirm.

NEW Has the government overreached in using terrorism law against Palestine Action? A disclosed MI5 document indicates that the basis for proscription may be weak By me, at @prospectmagazine.co.uk www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/ideas/law/th...

Yay! Oh.

at one point Albania was on the brink of civil war after the collapse of pyramid schemes that had sucked up roughly half of GDP, and now that is only the *second* stupidest thing the country has done.

Q: What is the capacity of the piss tank? According to the following paper, about 18 pounds. Why they used a measurement of weight to represent the volume of something (with varying density) in microgravity is beyond me. ntrs.nasa.gov/api/citation...

I see we're tapping the bloody sign again. youtu.be/zFPmmcco6d4

This may seem cute but if you do this too much the cyclists may become reliant on cars feeding them, disrupting the delicate roadway ecosystem

As I wrote back in Feb, the government's focus on building homes with no apparent strategy beyond "planning reform" is dangerous and their ongoing failure to hit their stupid 1.5m target makes is more likely they'll be stuck with only the bad options to choose from. builtplace.com/still-search...

It’s a tough field but Kyle remains the most useless minister in the Cabinet.

Or to put it another way: if you were to ask me whether pirates’ lives and behaviour might be more nuanced than you previously thought, I’d say “YES, THEY AAAAAAARRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”

It’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so here are some things you didn’t* know about pirates (*unless you already did), and which I didn’t know until I read my niece’s Masters dissertation a while back. Firstly – remarkably – pirate ships were democracies with a pretty flat management structure