*sigh* i am being assaulted by a rat named pip who is demanding attention.

oh my god i can't believe i have to say it again BUT YOU CAN'T BUILD A BRIDGE ACROSS THE IRISH SEA beyond the fucking insane weather that would not just make it a nightmare to build but operationally problematic we dumped a load of unexploded bombs in there.

fuuuck you.

no one is good when they start doing something. don't be sad that you're a bit shit.

*sigh* Wordle 1,692 4/6 ⬛🟨⬛⬛🟨 🟩⬛🟩⬛⬛ 🟩🟩🟩⬛⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

oh shit the curling is on

back in the cage, eating some corn.

my rats pip and pop having a nice nibble on a little treat on my arm. they have done some gnarly jumps today.

you'll all be glad to know the miss ate every gherkin. she opened the fridge and went "OH FUCK YES" and scoffed the lot.

ate a burger, sorta cleaned kitchen, drank some soup, didn't die. seems like a reasonable day. 6/10.

it's a start.

what's he testifying about? sissy hypno porn?

suppose i should actually do this now...

it's 3 parts but i think page eight/turks & caicos/salting the battlefield are really up there for me as dad movies.

my starter was nice and lucky here. Wordle 1,691 3/6 🟩🟩⬛⬛⬛ 🟩🟩🟩⬛🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

someone come over with a whip and make me clean the kitchen.

i hope john virgo wasn't a nonce. he seemed alright.

having my second maccas double cheese burger and holy shit they put so many gherkins in here. it's not even an extra gherkins order.

i was having a humble nap and the miss came upstairs and said "i have a maccas double cheese for you." the extravagance! i said no i couldn't possibly but she insisted. dear reader i couldn't refuse. i ate half a double cheese in bed with no kit on! what's more is there's another for breakfast!

imagine being worth more than half a trillion dollars and not wanting a milf and instead becoming a paedophile. the milfs, they're there. the milfs, they're lonely. the milfs, they want you right now.

right i'm starting fascism where i'm in charge and i'm putting a revolver to the head of ever person and asking: "bourbon biscuits or custard creams?" before i pull the trigger. the joke is only 2 of the 6 chambers are filled but the other joke is those 2 are snapcaps.

*sigh* kitchen...

my mate has just started a job at a company that handles health data and they're using AI to try and do ISO27001 compliance... for the love of christ just execute me.

have any of you actually sold a car?

BYE BYE CAR YOU WERE KINDA GOOD FOR £700.

i got le rat (french) on me

check out this pair of young (soon to be hot) chicks i picked up in tesco.

some dickhead is doing laps with their 4 cylinder superbike.

i am getting evils from pop.

i wonder what the worst wanking related injury in history has been...

sometimes i read stuff and i'm like: "have you ever actually experienced the home office?" i've helped a guy move here and navigate the process, fucking nightmare. i'm as english as you can get and just wanted a passport, fucking nightmare. the home office is not fit for purpose.

OH MY GAWWWWWD IT'S ONLY TWENTY TO THREE

.... i am not sure about any of this.

this better be a fucking quiet work day because i am still not in the mood.

there are two rats inside your clothes. they are fighting. you are not having a great time.

i have posted my recipe before but i will now post it again about how to make completely unfuckupable fuckable gluten free yorkshire puddings. the recipe is in the alt text.

my rats pip and pop are being extremely cute but i can't post videos of it because every time i pick up my phone to record them they attack my phone.

duck day duck day it's a duck day going to roast duck legs and some duck detective i will play.

played music *a bit* loud last night at about 8pm and the neighbour came over to ask us to turn it down because she and her wean were sick. i'm not a dick so i complied. still reckon it was them that reported us to the police over the domestic violence thing.

"if i wanted to be a paedophile i could be a paedophile without the help of anyone and actually i'm so smart if i was a paedophile i'd still have so much of my brain left to think about other things not just paedophilia." lol.

automatically generated subtitles are funny on drag races.

rats rats rats. they're full of energy today. maybe too much energy...

remember kids, always wrap up.

microsoft banned epstein from xbox live. glad to see that microsoft was taking child sex trafficking more seriously than the US government.

this is a fucking fantastic documentary.

pip is storing kibbles in the cage but pop is stealing them and bringing them out to the sofa and storing them in a box to which pip's response is to go to the box and steal the kibbles then take them back to the cage to store to whi- yeah you see where this is going, it's very funny.

this was dumb. i hate it. Wordle 1,685 4/6 ⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛ ⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛ ⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

gm gamers hoes pimps and most importantly pops and pips.

finger nails are gross. why can't they be like teeth and stay the same size.

"We want AI to work for Britain, and that means ensuring Britons can work with AI." am i having a fucking aneurysm?