You said it, Rod.

Me: Hey Mr Retailer, if I buy this thing, can you get it to me by Monday? Retailer: Sure thing! Me: *buys thing* Evri: How does Wednesday sound?

Come on you Hammers, don’t make my dead Cockney grandad sad. #TheFootball

Melania Trump infesting the White House with bees is the funniest thing no one's talking about right now #Bees #WhiteHouse

Pick a Bond from photos you already have in your phone.

“Crucifixion?” “Yes” “Good. Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each”

Going to hate watch the Cup Final now.

Lucky escape there for Scotland. Thought for a minute there was going to be a league champion that wasn’t the Old Firm. #SARCASM

Absolute textbook #FacebookNews from the village where I grew up. (It’s Wargrave sewage works. It’s always Wargrave sewage works. It will never not be Wargrave sewage works)

WHERE’S JILLY COOPER YOU COWARDS www.theguardian.com/books/ng-int...

Peter Crouch’s first TV appearance #totp

"Shall we show the Pointer Sisters video?" "no, two balding Chuckle Brothers doing a fan dance will do" #totp

Ah, the magic of Freddie Mer-Cury and Queen #totp

She’s lying #totp

Did Duran think they were doing a video for Condorman? #totp

High end video effects in that Duran clip #totp

Total words today on work in progress Ea-Nasir: Lust For Copper - 1,132 words. It would have been more, but one of the characters was speaking Scottish, which my laptop didnae seem to ken.

Just been served this Facebook ad for a plank of wood. I expect more will follow.

Today is Ascension Day, known in the German-speaking world as Christi Himmelfart, the best named of all the religious holidays.

Proud to have carried out my first duty as a community councillor: Watering the Jubilee Garden. Yeah.

Reupping my own meme. I miss the days when #thepolitics was all about traffic cones and being aghast at the thought of John Major and Edwina Currie shagging.

Can’t help but notice that the press have picked up a story about Super Monster Wolf. Welcome to the party lads - I wrote about it eight years ago!

Oh my god the photo of Southampton's intern spying on Boro is incredible

Arsenal friends: Man down. Rest in Peace, you legend. www.arsenal.com/news/peter-s...

I have made a terrible error. I have gone and bought a bottle of orange squash that is only single strength. #MinorInconveniences

YEAST EXTRACT AUDIT: Because of REASONS, we currently have four jars of Marmite on the go.

Took the dog out. We chose poorly.

Apparently exactly one half of the Father Ted writing team is furious about this.

Came home from an evening out in Edinburgh last night to @fizzandnonsense.bsky.social showing me the fruits of her sewing endeavours while I was away. “Look! I sewed a GUSSET!” So pleased for her.

Astonishing news coming out of North Korea: The respected Comrade General Secretary likes socks, The Clever Raccoon Dog, and socks featuring The Clever Raccoon Dog.

I am in a church and HOLY CRAP PHIL COLLINS IS HERE.

I am so delighted I get a whole raft of new jokes since I did this “UR COPPER IS CRAP” commission…

The Summoning Crab has arrived.

Too tired to call the doctors surgery about my lack of sleep.

warning sign:

🎵 Na na na na na na na na Na na na na na na na na BATHORSE!! 🎶

SATISFACTORY BUT BLOODY HELL #TheArsenal

THIS DOG, just about to have a bath, after diving headlong into a rapeseed field and couldn’t find his way out until he jumped into the burn twenty minutes later. How can you be furious with that cute little face?

Those nettle-proof gardening gloves were, in fact, not. #stang

Missed this a few days ago. I tried coming off Sertraline in 2022 and I came pretty close to being remembered as “That guy who jumped off Broadcasting House”. So, woo yay Sertraline!

unfortunately, kim il sung's clothes hang a lot better

We set up a crate in the kitchen so Leo, a dog has his own space where he can switch off from dog stuff. Here’s how it’s going.

In case you’re wondering if it’s a real thing, I trod on a rake yesterday, then immediately trod on a rake. <shudders>

“Oh,” says @fizzandnonsense.bsky.social as Ebony and Ivory comes on. #totp

I live two miles over the Scottish border with England, and frankly, after this evening’s #totp I think I’ll declare independence from both.

SOD THE SPURS #totp

Depeche Mode new line-up = our main songwriter left and OH GOD WHAT NOW* #totp * [Rufus from Bill & Ted voice] “They get better”

Mama used to say “you’re not going out looking like that, you’ll bring shame down on this family” #totp

FAR too many football songs on this one #totp

Why are Kylie’s dancers dancing like Vic Reeves? #totp