Maybe the Swiss could have learned from Akanji's miss in 2024 there

I really don't know how to break this to you, but... Tomorrow will be the first day for four weeks when there will be absolutely no World Cup games

I wouldn’t be surprised ifJeremy Corbyn’s equally farcical organisation fielded a candidate and split the Count Binface to allow Farage back to claim his seat.

More diving in this game than at the Olympics

Take me down to Palindrome City, where Lisa Bonet ate no basil

What's the Binface thing all about? Is it a grift? Are people giving actual cash money to this one joke clown? Nobody's that daft are they?

Fabulous shithousing from the Colombian keeper Knows the flag is going up for offside so gets the knee up right into Embolo's back Lovely stuff

Excellent fun watching the Indian meltdown on the Cricinfo live text

Suspicious Activity Reports to the NCA are covered by the "tipping off" regulations, so either the NCA has finished its investigation or someone has been very naughty

And then I put the cricket on and it's Ravi Shastri Bad to worse

"And that is why Argentina are world champions" Aye, blatant fucking corruption

One of the Egypt lads needs to properly lose it here and chin the ref

It's just blatant cheating at this point, isn't it? Never a chance of FIFA letting Ronaldo and Messi go out in consecutive days

Oh fuck off, tax-evading ratboy

FIFA announces all Argentina goals to count treble

Sad Simeone is every bit as watchable as Crying Ronaldo

DISALLOW THAT YOU CUNTS!

That's up there with the pen given against Kane Not every bit of contact has to be a foul. Ironically, the Premier League got it right with the "contact with consequences" interpretation

Oh fuck off How is that even the same phase of play? It's 95 yards away from goal VAR sucking the life out of football for fiddly little infringements

What a goal and a half that is

Wins for Egypt and Switzerland would make this the first World Cup since 1934 without a South American team in the quarter-finals* *not including Spain 1982, when there was no quarter-final stage

You wouldn't tire of booting Alexis Mac Allister, would you? Such a snidey, niggly little rat

Lionel Missi, more like

Oh dear me, that's quite funny tbf

FIFA: "Lol, look how corrupt we are!" The IOC: "Hold our flag..." www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympi...

If you don't want your conduct to be judged by the news media, maybe political life isn't for you?

Me pretending to injure myself at work so they'll send me home.

'We now cross live to Rory and Alastair for their latest 'The Rest is Politics' emergency podcast...'

Rory Stewart has the opportunity to ask the funniest question ever on the inevitable emergency podcast "So Alastair, what's your opinion on people who resign to avoid scrutiny?"

He's looking very moulty, probably a good job with the warmer weather coming again

Wonder if Josh Simons fancies standing for Labour

The banter outcome here is that Farage wins the by-election, the standards body suspends him for more than 10 days and a recall petition is triggered forcing another by-election

Saying you're the "most physically attacked" MP when two MPs have been killed in the last decade is just horribly self-absorbed.

"It was at this point I lost my balance and fell backwards onto a large pile of freshly laundered money, ten million pounds of which lodged itself into the back pocket of my trousers..."

"I am as straight as they come"

Honestly, cannot wait for the inevitable, shit-flinging bunfight between Tice, Yusuf and Jenrick, each trying to out-racism the other

To be hoped that £4m from Ben Delo, £3m from Christopher Harborne and £5m from his toyboy George didn't come with any payback clauses attached to it

Harold Godwinson

It's a bad day to be an extremist racist grifter

"I will make a statement on my future in public life at 2pm"

I would say that the Americans need to go stand by the reflecting pool and think about what they've done, but they'll probably get arrested for it

Even the NFL - where teams are generally owned by uber-rich, old money white folks - don't want him anywhere near their brand Imagine being so odious that even Roger Goodell, Jerry Jones and Robert Kraft don't want you to join their club

It's 2034, and Saudi Arabia win the World Cup after all their opponents have their goalkeepers mysteriously convicted of shoplifting

Third consecutive World Cup that the hosts have failed to progress past the quarter-finals, and the last one that did (Brazil 2014) ended with a 7-1 defeat in the semi-final Have to go back to the last century for a host nation making the final

Much like aluminum, Americans now have only one I on the World Cup

Politely reminded that the peanut feeder in the back garden is empty at 6am, by a squirrel sitting on the windowledge and tapping on the glass

Quite funny to see sad Poch in the dugout, looking like a dovorced dad who just dropped the kids back at their mums on Sunday night and knows he's going home to an empty apartment