There's always a demand for young people at Mar-A-Paedo

You have to feel for Nadhim Zahawi So toxic that even Reform don't want him in their shadow cabinet Losing out to Suella Bonkersman

Breaking news: Nigel Farage discovers decency, reasonableness and morality

So these 180,000 young people going into trades training every year then Who's going to train them and where? Once trained, who's going to employ them? Gangs of feral bricklayers and joiners roaming the streets, kicking over walls and fences so they can give you a quote for fixing them

Put the flaming torch down Liam and step away from the pony, you're not meant to set fire to an actual horse

Robert Jenrick poses for a Shrove Tuesday photo op, eating a Findus crispy pancake to show what a man of the people he is

The Danes would like a word about a few centuries of casting for the role of Hamlet www.theguardian.com/film/2026/fe...

Oh let me gaze upon your curves Instead of Ipswich Town reserves Swerving the Checkatrade with you

Channel 4's "The Tony Blair Story" is going to be getting a wide berth The Blairs are a pair of cold-eyed, self-serving sociopaths and the people being interviewed about them are all going to be "yeah I knew they were wrong uns, even though I pretended they weren't at the time"

Don't forget to leave one of those plastic squeezy Jif lemons out for Daddy Batter

MAGA: "OMG BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS KEEPING TUPAC PRISONER IN HIS UNDERGROUND SECRET PAEDO LAIR!!!"

Fourth again for Kirsty Muir Sport is a bitch

"I don't want to see a ghost It's a sight that I fear most I'd rather have a piece of toast"

The two blokes on the artistic ski and snowboard commentary are the stars of the BBC coverage Need to get them involved on dull stuff like snooker and golf

In case you're wondering, the Greens 4 Palestine motion includes such treats as the Soviet "Zionism is racism" and the full batshit internet crank "ARabS aRE sEMitEs acTUalLY". They're so cooked, and so is Polanski eventually. www.jewishnews.co.uk/greens-leade...

DO BELIEVE THE HYPE!

Curling is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First you get your brush out, polish your stones, wipe away all the detritus and aim for the bullseye. Bingo! Hammertime.

Do you like eggs? Do you like peas? Then you'll love new... EGGY PEAS!! From the makers of Cheezy Peas

If a man over-indulged on mango cider, would it give him brewer's drupe?

ONLY ONE ORIGINAL REMAINING. LIMITED EDITION PRINTS AVAILABLE OF BOTH.

Any news on whether this development includes a chippy, @alistaircoleman.bsky.social ?

Obama missing the chance to namedrop the Drake equation, which as ene fule no is N=R*x fp x ne x fI x fi x fc x L

More epic cricketing from England, which will have zero consequences for everyone involved bar increasing Rob Key's waistline as a result of more catered meetings at ECB HQ

Come in Jos Buttler, your time is up

There's a wonderful football ultra vibe to Zelenskyy 🎵 "You've seen the Ukraine, now fuck off home" 🎵 🎵 "You're going home in a Russian body bag" 🎵

So there's a Richard III society on Facebook, and their arch rivals are the Henry VII society? Lads. They've been dead 500 years. Give it a rest

Forget sofas @craftycow.bsky.social You need to think bigger

Just saw that Xing Zhilei, the Chinese DIY influencer, posted an update on his self-built cat town which went viral last year. youtu.be/i1savUPr-yU

Nottingham Forest owner Evangelos Marinakis to test "New Manager Bounce" theory with 38 managers next season #fpl

Find someone who loves you as much as Lucy Worsley loves unnecessarily dressing up in documentaries

Imagine basing your businesses in Texas and not being able to acknowledge the Spanish-Mexican contribution to American culture, because you're just too racist

Right, off to watch Guy Martin learn how to be an HGV recovery driver

Fair play, Daniel Hannan's commitment to his comedy bit is unwavering.

Football Fairytales: The Elves and the Schumacher. Some helpful elves realise that a moustachioed German goalkeeper is overwhelmed and exhausted from having to do goalkeeping drills and putting on huge white gloves. So, as he sleeps, they go to the house of Patrick Battiston and duff him up.

Love how someone's looked at ski jumping and thought, "You know what that needs? A bigger hill"

These Anthony Gormley sculptures are getting more abstract

We're a week into a Winter Olympics, and GB are above Canada in the medal table Suck on that, hosers

I'd watch the Irish version of Traitors, if it was just thirty minutes of the wolfhounds Not sure why they ruin it by including people

Ed O'Neill and Christina Applegate, pictured at the Married With Children cast reunion

Worth pointing out that we've still got medal chances in the bobsleigh and Kirsty Muir in the skistyle big air final tomorrow night

Lump a fiver on Matt Weston for SPOTY Mo Farah and Kelly Holmes levels of Olympic brilliance

Petition to introduce France to the Lions tour rotation, just so another European team can give them a game

Huns V Tarts. Fingers crossed for an alien at Ibrox (not that you’d notice lol) x

Is it time to deploy this yet? #therugby

Pande-fucking-monium @deathofbuckley.bsky.social

Display an album that was important to you when you were nineteen

Sky Showcase are running season three of The Simpsons this afternoon Just about to start digging Timmy O'Toole out of a well

Remember when we used to be good at curling?

I like how all the Olympic medallists get a soft toy Like going on Bullseye and getting a Bendy Bully