"You can tell him now, we’re still fighting for this title and he’s got to go to Middlesbrough and get something. And I’ll tell you, honestly, I will love it if we beat them. Love it.”

I always knew Cristiano Ronaldo wouldn’t score more World Cup knockout goals in six tournaments than Emile Heskey did in one. So inevitable.

The insistence of sticking with an obviously washed-up Ronaldo should cost Martinez his job

Cristiano Ronaldo still has zero goals from open play in World Cup knockout matches his whole career

Jolly good Off you fuck, Rapenaldo

Do these two know it's not the group stage and they can't just play for a point?

This game's going to be available on the NHS as a cure for insomnia

Asking questions = "harrassment" Rousing up gangs to set fire to hotels with asylum seekers in = "legitimate concerns"

The thing with the skeletons in Platner's closet is that despite the far-left pitching him as blue collar, he came from money so it's a walk-in closet.

These two teams are more toothless than an Alabama barn dance

this game feels like watching two Dutch gymnasts fucking - technically they're flawless but you're just not getting much from it, are you

Genuinely want to see Ronaldo's first training session under Big Ange Suspect the phrase "fucking run, you cunt" may be used

Sorted the theme for the inevitable Bob The Cat animated TV series, lads "He's Bob the cat And his owner named Dan Left his sister Mary And got trapped in a van His family were sad When they thought he was gone But when he came back They sent him to Preston"

Oh no, we've got a new character in the Danny Murphy cat chat

That's a proper scrap from Arthur Fery Second fifth set tie-break win of the Championships and the British wildcard is into the last eight of the men's singles

Even the Nazi gold lads think you're the bad guys, Murica

Why does British tennis never produce anyone with a massive power game? They always seem to be lightweight, technical players. There's never been a Philippousis or Kyrgios with a huge serve Something to do with the LTA's partnering with clay court academies in Spain, maybe?

The White House: "Of course President Trump had nothing to do with the decision of an independent disciplinary committee" Trump: "...

Amazing how a whole section of Americans who clearly know nothing about football have suddenly become SoccerBall™ experts just for the purpose of lecturing the rest of us about how it was 100% legit for their crook of a President to pressurise FIFA into unsuspending a player.

I hope Steve Morrow has sent Jordan Henderson a get well soon card (one for the kids there)

Caught in the gears of a trebuchet.

Ukraine literally bombing Russia back to the 19th century

Will not be having an early night tonight, because I want to watch the rapist Ronaldo crying later

Can we get him to take a picture for #DuvetKnowItsChristmas @rhodri.biz ?

If you're a Mexican watching the 7am re-run on the BBC, are you watching ándale?

Jordan Henderson ending his World Cup by falling over an advertising hoarding is the most Jordan Henderson thing Jordan Henderson has ever done

The best defending against Mexicans since The Alamo

Good news, it's a 10pm start on Saturday Much more sociable

Have that FIFA, you corrupt fondue guzzling fuckers

11 minutes? The cheating cunts

Kane off, Watkins on and just tell him to stand in the centre circle and chase clearances

Told you England would get fuck all from an Aussie ref and South American VAR Fix is properly in to keep the co-hosts in it

Has Darren Cann ever said a VAR decision was wrong?

People’s princess

Mexican bench shithousing to get VAR involved

Somewhat fitting that Neymar's final moments on the field with the seleção were talking shit to the opposing keeper after a meaningless penalty, followed by needlessly pushing an opposing player.

Quansah and Konsa are absolute Sunday League

That will fucking do

Three Australian officials on the field, entirely South American VAR Don't expect to get any 50:50 calls

A photograph of Friedrich Trump shortly after his expulsion from the Kingdom of Bavaria on order of Prince Regent Luitpold based on findings that he, as a draft dodger and operator of a bordello, was a person of poor moral character.

The frankness and technical input of Rooney & Joe Hart has been excellent, as a counter to ITV's entirely vibes based panel of Keane, Neville and Wright

A few more performances like that and Erling Harland will be getting close to Geoffrey Boycott as the Greatest Living Yorkshire Sportsman. #BRANOR

General Election 1992

Pre-game nana nap time I reckon

The Sunday Times today if you please. Thanks to all who purchased and especially for knocking Clarkson off the top spot. 🚜💥🥊 ♥️📚

Remember the days when FIFA would suspend football associations under political interference? God that toad makes Blatter look clean.

All goals scored by the USA to now be worth 3 and opponents must score from inside their own half for it to count

Is cheating by refusing to come out for the second half at the appointed time part of "the Wigan identity" Matty Peet?

FIFA just casually changing the rules on the fly so as not to inconvience the US team Absolutely desperate for them to make the final

The minute they see an Australian jersey, England's women go to pieces again Massive inferiority complex in this team