More excellent journalisming from the North Yonkers Times here

I'd like to nail a thesis to the back of Pete Hegseth's head

Much as I love The Cure, Simon Gallup does look like he should be leering at teenage girls while working the waltzers

As long as he doesn't get involved in the medical department

Can we just have The Cure night every Friday on BBC Four please, rather than the TOTP repeats?

Top of Super League, having a laugh

With the utmost respect to Chemical Brothers, "in concert footage" is not where they shine #totp

Le DJ Sash est calling his lawyers #totp

Did you lose a bet lads? #totp

The 3 Jays had nobody in it called Jay They should be called The No Jays #totp

Declan channeling his inner Charles Aznovour, for no good reason #totp

Meanwhile over on Facebook, FFS 🤪

You're only fooling yourself, Ricardo #totp

Beyonce, Kelly, thingy and other thingy there #totp

Do you pay my automobills? Your what know? #totp

Motion sickness ahoy #totp

This is going to annoy a lot of the voters the Greens are chasing, who believe you shouldn't show the image of the prophet

Still think Madness's decline started when they stopped being a proper ska band and started churning out twee pop songs #totp

Oh good Christ

Steps are back, with their one dance routine #totp

#TOTP editors and BBC Four planners searching episode listings for "Scott Mills" "R Kelly" and "Lostprophets"

That's a Wigan meltdown for the ages 20-odd points shipped in six minutes

Just once, I'd like us to get a second or third goal to avoid those nervy closing minutes #bcafc

Honestly I've let dozens of these go but this endless stream of antisemitism just proves everything I was saying in the post. (For the hard of thinking the ambulances were used for the whole community regardless of religion, and even if they weren't racist arson would still be unacceptable.)

Chelsea turning a blind eye to racism shocker

Malbec For Good

More like a jizzcuzi, am I right?

Is there a Trip Advisor page for the moon that the Artemis crew can leave reviews on? "Drove round it for three days without seeing a single parking spot, so came home. Disappointing - 1/5"

Your own Chocolate Jesus Packaged by Cadburys Single or in threes

Storm Dave is a repeat of 2023's Storm BBC Two

Trigger’s been put in charge of naming storms, then…? 🤨 #PlayItCool

Sacked for not being war crimey enough for the Secretary of War Crimes

Randy George was Lonesome George's nickname as a teenager

Whoopi Goldberg's original 1992 screen test for Sister Act

Haven't got the right parking app

"I am not a scammer" says the umpteenth clone using the same photos as every other scammer and on the "cryptoanarchy.network" 🙄🙄🙄

And that's just between the teachers

Appropriate for Easter that the Telegraph gets crucified for resurrecting this bollocks

Janey update: she has decided to transition from a milk-based diet to a more cardboard-centric menu.

Grantley Hall, Yorkshire's Poshest Hotel Somewhere else that's confused "poshest" with "most expensive"

Pam Gone-di, more like

Someone on Great British Menu has just done a sorbet and is now trying to temper chocolate Oh mate. In a strange kitchen? Death wish

This is a hot Topic right now. Forget trying to get to Mars, we can't let the price of oil go a Daim higher. Someone needs to open that water be-Twix-t Iran and the UAE

🎵Goodbye, Tilly Norwood May you never darken our door You were just a bit of code That made real actors poor Your performances were wooden And your insights never deep Now you're consigned to history And not one of us will weep And it seemed to me That all you are Is an AI that got binned...🎵

Tilly Norwood's coffin.

Thoughts and prayers with the lads at SNL UK, furiously ripping up their Tilly Norwood obituary sketch

🎵Goodbye, Tilly Norwood May you never darken our door You were just a bit of code That made real actors poor Your performances were wooden And your insights never deep Now you're consigned to history And not one of us will weep And it seemed to me That all you are Is an AI that got binned...🎵