Pick actual full-backs Stop picking Stones, ever Ban Rice from the final third Rogers suits this team better than Bellingham, who wants a ball to himself

The Dan Burn as an England player thing was a funny practical joke when it started, but it's wearing thin now

ITV desperately trying to squeeze some football analysis between the ten ad breaks an hour

At the point where I have to turn the sound off on Sky's darts commentary when Littler's throwing Amazed they can manage to speak with their tongue buried so deep up his arse

If you're ever in need of a scapegoat, there's always the Jews

Just once, I'd like someone at a sporting event to sing Star Spangled Banner in the way it was written, not Mariah Carey the fuck out of it

Just once, I'd love one of these cunts to say it's just because they don't want to pay tax on their dividends and they don't mind governments that forcibly disappear dissidents

Only 2 of these gold legged footstools left... craftysharp.etsy.com/listing/4344...

On a godforsaken train for a horrible reason and there’s replacement buses and flooding and horror and LOOK what pops out from under the seat in front to make everything okay

"Underappreciated genius" gets thrown around a lot, but I'm struggling to not attach it to Andy Nyman

There's a hipster cider cunt on Sunday Brunch with a moustache waxed to a point at either end If you opened the encyclopaedia at "artisan" it'd just be his picture, no text

Last Tango in Paris: You'll never put a better bit of butter up your wife.

Love these twats dressed as Crusaders Knights who invaded foreign lands in an attempt to impose their own religion on them Absolute irony-free zones

Gravy being white

Are they going to keep this Benn-Eubank feud going through their respective grandkids once these two bums are done?

Charlie Watts was just evidence that drumming doesn't need to look difficult Some blues/rock drummers are all gurning faces and flailing arms, but Charlie just sat there in a short-sleeved shirt and stoic expression Effortless brilliance

Enjoying some new music on Sky Arts from a bunch of energetic young bucks called the Rolling Stones They've definitely got promise

It is crazy that this is controversial. I have never seen a group of animals more miserable and ready to die and I host open mics.

Scotland would have been better with the corpse of Che Guevara up front

Let's just see how Scotland are getti....oh

Are people still falling for the "I'm really fick me honest" routine from Joey Essex?

Today's inspirational message:

This year's must have Christmas present for anyone with a cat is.. A lap mat! craftysharp.etsy.com/listing/4360... #Caturday #Catsofbluesky #proofofcat #Catsky

Quick game of RFK Jr or Troy McClure, anyone?

"Tomato your aubergine visa's potato been turnip revoked"

"We saw you across the bar and wanted to know your immigration status"

Woman on Hairy Bikers who makes gourmet marshmallows Just been onto her shop for a snoop Cheapest box is £7.95 for six marshmallows. Some people must have more money than sense

It's that special week in Strictly, where the slebs try to get kicked off so they don't have to go to Blackpool

Is it because it's a completely different movie, you daft twats?

How the fuck did Alan Carr's Shouting Out Names get another fucking series? Makes The Hit List look like Only Connect

I've just seen TNT's ad for their Ashes coverage with Alastair Cook In related news, does anyone have a cure for being cringed inside out?

<Sam Beckett voice> "Oh boy..."

Get to know your mutuals List ten random things you like: 1. Thing from Fantastic Four 2.John Carpenter's The Thing 3. That Thing 4. Thing from The Addams Family 5. Something About Mary 6. Thing One 7. Thing Two 8. Swamp Thing 9. Nothing Else Matters by Metallica 10. You To Me Are Everything

"But Parliament's still cracked and broken"

Just seen this picture of Mark Zuckerberg at Kris Jenner’s birthday and he’s definitely Artie Ziff now, isn’t he?

Crazy Horses is great for people who think The Osmonds is all schmaltzy Donny, Marie and Jimmy rubbish

Two weeks later: "We regret to inform you that MechaJesus is racist"

"Where do you go to, my lovely?" sounds like the most west country question ever

Paddington's rights owners doing god's work

Why does every Bee Gee look like a slightly different version of John Bishop?

The turgid folk dirge of The Seekers, straight into Stevie Wonder belting Uptight The musical times they are a-changing

Golden Green is just a lovely piece of jangly indie nonsense #totp

As it's a 1989 episode of #totp, BOOK PLUG ALERT. Now available. Christmas is only six weeks away, hint hint.

"She's been, like, all around the world and she still can't find her baby" #totp

"Darling turn that light off for me" Belinda Carlisle's dad #totp

Was always weird seeing Quireboys on #totp having watched them doing little pub gigs to a hundred people not much earlier

Well I like A New South Wales, so there #totp

She's staring at the mole isn't she. #totp

Wow, Linda Ronstadt! #totp

A young Philomena Cunk on vocals there #totp