City have the biggest goalscoring beast in the history of the Premier League up top, yet are resolutely commited to playing a million passes where one will do

City doing that thing where they have all ten outfield players in the attacking third and none of them want to either cross or shoot

This is why football needs temporary concussion substitutions Player takes a ball full in the face, with force, from about five yards away. Team should be able to take them off to get looked at without going down to ten

My shop is open… just sayin’ Buy something and the cat gets Dreamies… craftysharp.etsy.com

Nah, my ears won't stand any more of Stuart Pyke's ill-fitting teeth and tongue buried up Littler's arse Football's going on #Darts

That hand bruising is consistent with someone on a heavy diet of blood thinners My old man is on clopidogrel after a stroke and bruises if you so much as breathe on him If he's also having regular infusions, the canula will be leaving a huge bruise

Littler's such a horrid, arrogant, grubby little wool isn't he? The blight of modern darts is that its dominant players are often deeply unlikeable human beings

Who knew bees got drunk? #WildLondon

Big Davey Atts giving us a tour of his endz like a proper nature gangsta

"Got any ID?"

Carragher on co-comms for another Liverpool game? How surprising. Am sure he'll be his usual unbalanced self

Oh cool, Sunday night dread on a Thursday Yay

You COULD watch an ableist transphobic reactionary multi millionaire whinge that not everyone agrees that he is a special boy in his stand up special and see if you can squeeze some smiles out of it - OR you could watch the whole of Horrible Science on iPlayer for free www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/epis...

So there's half a Premier League programme today, on a Bank Holiday, and not one of them is a lunchtime or 3pm kickoff? Fuck knows what time Man City fans are going to get back from an 8pm start at Sunderland

Ban the sale of tobacco products to those with IQs under 21

Recreating Xmas Day lunch, as is traditional in our house That means a piece of ribeye for Mrs G, Yorkshires, roast spuds, sprouts and cauliflower

Gonezo Maresca, more like www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

US Department of Labour celebrates a proxy army funded and equipped by France

Time for Imelda May's poundshop Winehouse turn again

Naive and She Moves In Her Own Way - it's like someone put The Kooks in suspended animation for 20 years

Making Ronnie Wood perform again is basically elder abuse He sounds like Dylan, if Dylan was gargling marbles while speaking Swahili

COME ON KES!

I like to thing Moving On Up is about Shaun Edwards move from Wigan to Bradford Bulls

He's grooming Heather Small for when Ruby Turner's gone isn't he? The evil goblin genius

I seem to remember "Naive" being a bit of a banger in 2006, but this sounds frankly awful

"Say Hootenanny again. I dare you. I double dare you motherfucker, say Hootenanny one more goddamn time"

Lulu's jacket is made from what's left of Reg D Hunter's career

Happy New Year Not you, China. You'll have to wait

Happy New Year, folks.

Lulu's up dancing on the table Mind the hips grandma

Tell you what though, Jessie J has one of the great underrated British pop voices

A table chat with Nish Kumar and Lenny Henry, both of whom are twatted My cringe sphincters are twitching

The Kooks started in 2004, and are probably one of the youngest acts on this show Hootenanny really is Radio 2 does New Year's Eve

"You let Ronnie Wood do a vocal?"

Fuck me, what a line-up of "didn't you used to be famous in the 1990s?"

The Tiny Boogie-Woogie Gremlin is doing his own vocals Have they cut the budget?

They can't even wipe their own arses, never mind remember an 8-14 character password with a letter, a number and a special character

People lose track of how much of Ozzy's early success was blighted by the deaths of those close to him His dad dying predicated the fallout from Sabbath, then just when he'd got it back together comes the death of Randy Rhoads and Rachel Youngblood Amazing that didn't finish him off tbh

RTing myself again because this took three days to prepare.

Fireworks? Don't give a fuck mate

Picture of the staff who operate my account.

Ozzy Osbourne documentary on Sky? Oh I should think so

Always get nostalgic at this time and remember one year when I was about 8 turning round and my gran was crying. I told her it would all be Ok and I thought she was sad because she was missing grandad but now I realise it was probably because Cilla Black was singing.

If you ate nothing but wild rabbit, you would die of malnutrition even on a full stomach

Rock The Night is the better single from the album, imho #totp

So are they going to drop the M and just call it "TV" then?

All the static from the Nolans polyester jumpsuits is powering the studio lights #totp

Hearts live in chests, Phil No wonder you failed biology #totp