You can't joke about anything anymore. Because you signed a multi figure contract with the Saudi government that said they wouldn't pay you if you did.

it was a joke but here we are

Fitting your adult offspring's whole life into the back of a Suzuki Celerio sure does give you the bittersweetest memory rush of Fitting your own 18yo life in the back of a 90s Fiat Panda Feeling terrified that you were allowed to put a 4 day old human in the back of a Ford Fiesta & take it home

Just died of bonegone horsefright :(

If you (somehow) missed it yesterday I have made my first ever game! It is called "i will strangle a horse", and is a comedy choose your own adventure game with over 7660 words of hot nonsense, and is free to play! brainmage.itch.io/i-will-stran... Will YOU strangle a horse?

Love it when my TL complains about today's Wordle & I go into it with trepidation and it's a perfectly normal word

Celebrating the 200th anniversary of the railway by travelling via Euston

"GRAHMS! Thiy rilised the Ipstahn fahles! But ah firgaht ti say naht the wans with me in!" AILoliChan: Tee hee Senpai! I am not this "grimes"! I must now put toast in my mouth and run because I'm late for Middle School!

Remember when Britain's early morning soft topical magazine shows had this guy on to opine on what he reckoned about Keeping Lil Ladies Safe From Degenerates?

I learned it from you, dad. I learned it by watching you.

I FINALLY GOT THE GOOD ENDING After being electrocuted, turned into a tool, eaten by Santa, impaled with knives and dying of spiderbumdeath and so many other deaths

The I Am Not Okayness of my firstborn leaving for uni tomorrow is reaching peak Not Okayness (all her stuff is downstairs and we just had a farewell takeaway tea)

@apiln.bsky.social Bleak story about a proper horrid man - INCREDIBLE pictures to illustrate. www.kentonline.co.uk/medway/news/...

I have laughed out loud several times at this and have not strangled a horse at all

This can't be shouted loud enough, Reform are guilty of working for a foreign state that sees the UK as an enemy. It's not just laughable, it's insulting that they pretend to be in any way patriotic or acting in this country's best interests.

What with hiring Russian stooges, violent criminals and having a sex pest in the family, you'd think Nigel Farage would be considered an utter disgrace that should be kept off all broadcast channels and struck from politics, not championed in any way at all.

Welp, I got my head punched off

"on a technicality" Not really. A failure to get necessary consents to a terror charge is not a slight error. They are safeguards when a person faces a serious charge. Prosecutors should take such safeguards seriously: this is terrorism law they are using. www.theguardian.com/music/2025/s...

The general torment of reece shearmith in this episode has been delightful #taskmaster

Hush up yer nagging StarmerDads, you are on mute and I am watching #Tasks

Can't wait for us all to have to find a magistrate or dentist we've known in a social capacity for five years to get the new id cards for no fucking reason

UK: pls can we have a crumb of affordable homes and non-cost-of-living-crisis Starmer: so you're saying you want *spins wheel* ID cards

Nailed on, it's this toiletfucker

Me, sighing, picking up more salt, sage, silver-tipped stakes & heavy cloths to cover all the crook'd mirrors he uses to get in to the mortal realm: Blair's back

Can we just ignore Tony fucking Blair. How about that

Look what we have here then.

Laaaaaads

Engraving two bullets with "this bullet only lies" and "this bullet only tells the truth" to really stump the FBI

Leon Kennedy voice:

£21.78 worth of damage.

I don’t know why she’s leaving, Or where she’s gonna go, I guess she’s got her reasons, But I just don't wanna know, Cause for twenty-four years I've been

At last, a brave scientist on a bike has finally solved that eternal mystery: How do you know when you’ve been tango’d? The answer, according to this wide-ranging study (sample size: two) is “mild irritation”.

I feel like news publications should put more energy into asking autistic people how they feel about all this because…

It's Book Quote Wednesday & this week's word is LAST! Luckily I use the word last in describing the FIRST time in Cursed Under London that Lazare sees Fang with his shirt off. IT'S AN ACCIDENT, HE DOESN'T MEAN TO LOOK, HONEST #BookQW Buying links: farragobooks.com/book/cursed-...

BEST, PEAK PEAK EARLY 90S CAMP SOFTGOTH SCHLOCK www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8fH...

“An emotional research team became tearful as they described how data shows the disease was slowed by 75% in patients.” What an absolutely incredible, joyous achievement for everyone involved. Hurrah for science and scientists! www.bbc.com/news/article...

Reposting this bc the Spacediversary and it being Back To Uni Time is a great reminder (threaded are some photos from Xennial Student Houseshares looking EXACTLY like this)

Happy anniversary to the first time this nerdy xennial saw her generation - and especially a young woman - depicted not as a glossy sexy size 6 with wealthy parents nor a 2D avatar written by boomers to feed her boomer parents setups for witty comeback lines, but as a relatable loveable fuckin loser

Bitten by a radioactive willy, he became…

Couldn't get to sleep last night because my brain decided it was of huge importance to write lyrics to the theme tune from Fawlty Towers so here it is… (thanks brain)

Sending off Jessika on Bi Day feels like a hate crime #GBBO

what happens in the rapture if you're indoors do you just ascend to the ceiling and then claw your way to a window

I love Canterbury so very much but FINE Sadiq, London is also very good. Went on Saturday. Had a nandos and went to see Ncuti Gatwa playing Marlowe with his top off.

I wish they'd stop this weird psyop to try to convince us Paul Hollywood is sexually attractive #GBBO

Happy bi visibility day. Everything is terrible but I’m trying to find little joys. 🫶🏻

Iain not beating the Secretly Asterix allegations by managing to clear a fence half his height just by leaping #GBBO

Oh the school shtick is already upsetting me #GBBO

[taps the sign again] it’s not just for jokes, folks!

Sounds to me like Americans with the money and the chance to do so should come and visit London and see what President Rapey is so scared about! Point at some buildings! Have a curry! Take a couple of days to scoot 3 hours up the M1 & do alton towers bc it's SO GOOD